When I Feel My Own Commitment & Depth, She Will Feel It Too. ~ Daka Corey

Via elephant journal
on Jan 14, 2013
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Source: modernhepburn.tumblr.com via kimm on Pinterest

What can we learn about relationships from a horse?

The horse and I navigated through the tangle of brush and logs together, each step a conscious and important act. There was precious little room for error, as the trees were closely packed and the steep slope was full of obstacles. The concentration, trust and partnership was total as we worked in concert.

I felt elevated and moved as if by grace as the large horse pivoted and turned under my saddle. Her body and mind were in tune with my intention as we negotiated a recently downed tree. The narrow and rough trail we had been following snaked down a thickly forested canyon slope.

My hands held the soft leather reins loosely yet with confidence (as I would as if I were holding a small live bird in each of my palms). I also communicated with my weight and my leg pressure and giving her a verbal confirmation when she made the movements just as I had asked.

Flash forward to another scene:

Music carried us along the line of dance as my partner matched me step for step and turn for turn. With a hand on her back, I could easily sense when she felt the beginning thought of a turn or a stop. She responded in perfect time to the movement, as she had just registered my thought in her body.

My shoulders only moved to the extent that I needed her to adjust and step with me. The distance between us was constant. She trusted me to navigate her safely through the crowded dance floor. The music moved us as one. Thought left us; we were just dancing. We flowed in connection. All we had was this perfect moment.

People naturally associate passionate dance (like tango) with sexual expression, but horse riding doesn’t generally come to mind as a similar activity.

Ah, but it’s all so similar!

Both of these activities are mainly about connection with a partner.

I can’t “make” my partner do anything. I can offer an idea through body movement, but it is she who will do the doing.

tango and curvesFor example, when I want my dance partner’s feet to move, I communicate to her from my torso and energy. When I want my horse’s feet (or partner’s body) to move I change the rhythm and energy in my hips and hands.

When my intention and message is clear, they’ll go in the direction I’m headed. The feet or body moving well is not the issue. My partner’s heart and mind are the issue. When her heart is with me, all will flow as it should. We do not ever “fix” or “correct” our partner. I’ll never gain ground by “bossing” any of them around.

I don’t play win/lose with my partner because she is stronger in many ways.

She understands comfort and lack of comfort. She already knows how to “go.” But to “go,” she needs to be able to trust my navigation.

When my partner surrenders into trust, we flow together in motion.

When I feel my own commitment and depth, she will feel it too.

I must give her direction, otherwise she’ll have to look elsewhere for it. I must have awareness and sensitivity of her needs if I’m to ask her to follow my own and I must be worthy of her attention and devotion.

When my partner is distressed I can help her by remaining grounded and in my ease. It’s my responsibility to help her so she can work through being bothered and join me in ease.

Whether girlfriend, partner or horse, she can look to me for clarity, wisdom and certainty of direction. When I show her that my love is constant and unwavering, she will “hook on” (a horsemanship term).

As you ride/dance/make love with her, get her to be and stay with you mentally. Keep your breath full and your body strong. Keep your attention present with her, and no matter what she does, give her love.

Your only options are fear, or mastery (of yourself).

Remember that your partner will offer you truth.

Align your life with your own truth and purpose; demonstrate your masculine clarity, direction, integrity and presence. Always remember that you are not here just to please her and she is not here just to please you. Instead, you are here to pervade the world together, in harmony, with fearless consciousness.


corey wall 5Daka Corey is a Certified Tantra Educator and Intimacy Coach offering sessions in person and by phone in addition to workshops . He lives in San Diego, CA and is often in Los Angeles/OC and the Bay Area. His blog is www.tantracore.wordpress.com—a resource for creating a conscious intimate life and embracing intimacy.




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Ed: Brianna Bemel
Asst Editor: Kevin Macku


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9 Responses to “When I Feel My Own Commitment & Depth, She Will Feel It Too. ~ Daka Corey”

  1. Pam Dupuy says:

    Beautiful, flowing article…as you described that intimate connection…I felt it from you to me. Peace, Pam

  2. Crystal Dawn says:

    Hi Cory,
    Great article! When we are able to surrender fully into the moment, the illusion of separation dissolves and the light of Truth shines through. This is what we call love. I hope you are well.
    Love, Crystal Dawn

  3. Dr. Kamala says:

    Dear Corey: The last paragraph in your article is just what I feel from you. This is a wonderful article. The "magic" of intimacy and connection is so clearly articulated and you embody flow in the words you write and how you write them. I feel your compassion for women in every line. Thank you for giving us an experience of what real manhood means!

  4. Wendolyn Turkatte says:

    Wow, great article, Corey. I feel inspired. I'll share it with my lover. Even as a woman, this applies to the yang side of me, I feel and calls me to greater grounding and presence, to navigate to greater depths of intimacy. Thank you!

  5. Brian Gibson says:

    Hi Corey,
    I got a horse as a teen. She was sold cheep because her owner couldn't "control" her, even using a Spanish bit in her mouth. I went from not ever using that, to after a few years, being able to ride her with just a loop of baling twine around her lower jaw. How I show up in partnership, is how the connection works.
    Thanks for the beautiful article and the memories! Namaste, Brian

  6. Devin Gerardy says:

    Having spent what I would consider most of my younger years being angry at a father who worked 7 days a week 8 to faint without my intervention; emotional atrophy, non manly-ness (if that is a phrase), and an extreme dislike bordering on hate of all things related to "work" (the thing that kept my daddy away) was a natural occurrence. Knowing myself and how my mind deals with change, I am not too sure that even if I could time travel and leap back in time to tell myself the "answers" i am not so sure I would even listen to myself.
    Discovering through Corey's blogs and wisdom what a real man is supposed to look like, feel like, be like, and act has been an incredible journey. I used to try and be the person that I "thought" the woman would want, in life however I have to be the person that I want and bend and mold reality to my way first before I could ever have a chance at ATTRACTING into my life the perfect person for me. Thank you Corey..!!!

    Old School

  7. Kari Hietanen says:

    Corey, this is so beautifully written. I felt the conscious words penetrate my being. I got a lot from reading this. My biggest takeaway is how by living in our Truth and power, our partner benefits, all our relations benefit. And I like to think how people also serve as mirrors of us. Ah, yes, breathe, flow, be – in love.

    I honor the journey that affords me more awareness as I continue a deeper connection to my power and Truth. I feel the same honoring of all those magnificent beings I meet along the way. Blessings! With gratitude, Kari

  8. SoniaDeviNoir says:

    Yes, Daka Chatterley…. Portrait of an intimate swoon across the meadows of our dancing hearts. Lovely, Sonia

  9. JeO says:

    I wish all my dance partners were as thoughtful about their role as "lead"! This is a great description of the relationship between dancers. I will pass it along.