10 Things I Find Sexy About Me. ~ Maggie McReynolds

Via elephant journal
on Feb 25, 2013
get elephant's newsletter

Pockets of Peace

I loved Melanie Curtin’s “10 Things I Find Sexy in a Man” and Damien Bohler’s “10 Things I Find Sexy in a Woman.”

But since everything in my world is all about me (just as I hope your world is about you), I wondered: can one recognize and really appreciate sexiness in another without first having found it within?

Do ya know people who claim to love others while loathing themselves? Now that’s icky, sticky, clingy energy, the kind that dims your lights and sucks your soul. Um, no thanks.

I figure sexiness must work the same way. Before I can properly honor the delicious, authentic, hot masculinity in my partners, I endeavor to dig deep, squint my eyes a little so I blur the sight of those extra pounds and find the pure heat of the feminine in my own soul.

Here’s what I came up with:

1. I find my playfulness sexy.

I may be all grown up, but I still know how to play—-from soap bubbles and sidewalk chalk to poker, Scrabble and Twister. I may, in fact, be the last person on Planet Earth who actually likes Charades. I especially love stupid made-up games, like my late father’s desperate rainy day vacation standby, Change Something in the (Hotel) Room. I know how to play in the bedroom, too: outfits, toys, textures, pillow fights. No matter the venue, I love reminding myself that life doesn’t have to be hard work in stern capital letters.

2. Showing up, stepping up, and getting shit done—that’s sexy.

I know when to stop playing. I am envious of but exhausted by the Robin Williamses of the world, who spew a seeming endless stream of comic mania and whom I imagine, doubtless inaccurately and unfairly, careen giddily through life in hyper-drive. It’s great fun—for a while. And then I’m just like, shut up!  Sometimes, I have to put on my big girl panties and take care of business.

3. Inner power is sexy.

I’ve earned my stripes, from the stretch marks on my breasts that date from the sixth grade, when I went from an A to a C cup (and marked the last time any guy would raise his eyes above my chest for about a decade) and my C-section scar to the grey streak in my hair and the laugh lines that frame my mouth.  I’ve been through good times and bad times; I’ve seen them all and my dear—I’m still here. And you know what? Staying powerful is sexy.

4. Flexibility is sexy.   

I absolutely suck when it comes to spatial concepts. I can waste an hour trying to fit an oversized chair through a doorway that can’t possibly accommodate it. I can get lost backing out of my driveway. If I didn’t live right next to some big freaking mountains, I wouldn’t know which way was north. Most famously, I managed to reach the age of 25 before learning that Alaska is not an island. (You know how they always show it in atlases in its own little square, like Hawaii? Let’s just say I made some really big assumptions.) This blind spot of mine used to mortify me, but I’ve mellowed with age. I know what I’m good at and I know when I’m better off letting someone else take the wheel.

5. Kisses are beyond sexy.   

I know how to kiss and be kissed. Slowly. Teasingly. Firmly. And my favorite, what I call the Fairy Tale Kiss: a sweet, soft faintly lingering touch of one set of gently closed lips against another. Yeah, there’s a time for wildness and nipping and all that, but can you imagine a charming prince waking up Sleeping Beauty or Snow White with a torrent of saliva and thrashing tongue? Yuck. The best kisses are the ones that promise, there’s more. I’m really good at them. If I could kiss myself, I would.

6. Willingness to grow and challenge my assumptions is sexy.  

I reserve the right to change my mind. Always. About anything. From my favorite color (formerly blue, currently green or orange), to my politics, to what I want from life. I don’t mean to jerk everyone around in a flurry of indecision. but I aspire to learn, evolve and expand my consciousness.

7. Owning my wants without making anyone else responsible for fulfilling them is sexy as hell. 

I want what I want. This doesn’t mean I’m gonna get it nor that anyone is obligated to give it to me. But, after a couple of decades of low self-esteem and guilt for wanting more than a traditional family home life and a 9 to 5 cube job, for wanting to sing and live out loud, for wanting to walk around naked with the windows open or dance in an elevator, I am done worrying about what others think. I want a big, meaningful, joyful, weird and wonderful life.

8. Unspoken language between lovers is sexy.

I speak several languages but my favorite tongue is the secret, the sometimes unspoken language between intimates. The inside jokes, the invented vocabulary, the meeting of eyes across a room. If I can raise an eyebrow and my guy, seated four chairs away at a dinner party, knows just what I mean?  Now, that’s sexy.

9. Authenticity is super sexy.

I talk too much. I speak too loudly. I gesture wildly. I go straight to intimate topics, bringing up how much money everyone makes, how they voted in the last election, or whether it’s just me or is everyone else’s poop fluorescent green after eating Superman ice cream? I am not to everyone’s taste. And I love that about me.

10. Loyalty is very, very sexy.

I am discriminating and at the same time impulsive. I bond quickly with people I’ve just met when I get that gut feeling, “Wait! I feel like I’ve known you, like, forever!” If you’re one of those people, you can sleep on my couch, have my last 10 dollars, consider me your on-call girl when you break your leg, need to post bail or just want someone on the other end of the line while you fall asleep because life is short and the night is long.

Are these things are what my partners over the years have found sexy about me?

I dunno. Maybe.

But ultimately, that doesn’t matter. Bottom line: I’ve known myself for many years now and I think the way I’ve settled into it without settling is the best, most loveable, hottest thing about me.

Your turn. What’s sexy about you?


 Maggie McReynoldsMaggie McReynolds is an award-winning writer, writing coach, and certified life coach. Through her WriteWorks programs (lifeworkscoaching.com) she ghost writes, edits, and helps established, stuck and new writers find their authentic voice, craft compelling blogs, newsletters, novels and nonfiction for their readers, get past blocks, and create joyful writing routines.  As a life coach, she works similarly: helping people find their authentic “voice” in the world and break through transitions and obstacles to create lives of meaning, fulfillment, and joy. Her $67/month Kick Ass Club offers affordable, powerful results.


Like elephant Love on Facebook

Ed: Brianna Bemel
Assistant Ed: Karla Rodas


About elephant journal

elephant journal is dedicated to "bringing together those working (and playing) to create enlightened society." We're about anything that helps us to live a good life that's also good for others, and our planet. >>> Founded as a print magazine in 2002, we went national in 2005 and then (because mainstream magazine distribution is wildly inefficient from an eco-responsible point of view) transitioned online in 2009. >>> elephant's been named to 30 top new media lists, and was voted #1 in the US on twitter's Shorty Awards for #green content...two years running. >>> Get involved: > Subscribe to our free Best of the Week e-newsletter. > Follow us on Twitter. Fan us on Facebook. > Write: send article or query. > Advertise. > Pay for what you read, help indie journalism survive and thrive—and get your name/business/fave non-profit on every page of elephantjournal.com. Questions? Send to [email protected]


18 Responses to “10 Things I Find Sexy About Me. ~ Maggie McReynolds”

  1. Elizabeth says:

    I know this may sound crazy but I find it sexy that I know how to – and prefer to – drive a manual transmission car over an automatic. And that I'm one of those girls who doesn't mind getting caught in the rain. I remember years ago being out with a bunch of friends on one of their boats. We got caught in a huge downpour. They were amazed that I didn't get all goofy over my hair & make-up being "ruined." I'm comfortable being a woman without feeling the need to dress frilly or paint my face.

  2. Maggie McReynolds says:

    Love that, Elizabeth. Author Tom McGuane once described a character as being the kind of woman who would life up her face and square her shoulders in the rain–I've always aspired to be just like that!

  3. Mary says:

    I spent some time with the first one, because a good sense of humor is just so refreshing. Then wandered through the others, and debated the self-esteem one….yes, I think you can love others when your self esteem sucks rats…but only in fitz and startz. Clinginess is definitely not where it's at. And I would add Independence (and if not physical independence, independent thinking) to the top of the list! The fairytail kiss is nice…and the point about loyalty ROCKS. You have really made me think. Thanks.

  4. Michelle says:

    Thanks for making me laugh out loud once again, dear Laura! 🙂 Thanks also for your vulnerability and willingness to share with us all!

  5. Maggie McReynolds says:

    Great points, Mary. Independence belongs on that list for sure. Thanks for the thoughtful and detailed feedback!

  6. Kris says:

    Need to work on a whole lot of those things, so I know where you are coming from… What? You mean I can really ask for what I want? Nah…impossible, tempting, but whoa..the earth will stop spinning, won't it? I love reading about what goes on in your head, as it is comforting knowing that I'm not alone! But, I am not as comfortable in my skin and will continue to work on it.

  7. Maggie McReynolds says:

    You're welcome! Thanks for helping me celebrate my open-book nature!

  8. Maggie McReynolds says:

    Yeah, asking for what you want–mind-blowing, isn't it? Don't feel bad, it only took me about 30 years to remember what I knew instinctively as a child. Think kids ever worry about whether or not to ask for food, water, toys, a play companion? Nope! Nor should we grown-ups!

  9. legalchic7 says:

    First, thank you for the "If I could kiss myself, I would!" because that made me laugh out loud.

    I enjoyed the rest too. I love that you've given us permission to celebrate our own sexiness. I enjoyed both the articles you refer to (what I find sexy in a man/woman), and I believe it's important, and empowering, to focus on what we find attractive/sexy/great about ourselves, as we all too often focus so exclusively on every little negative (of which I am guilty).

    I'm smart. Intelligent. Independent. Have a great sense of humor, quick wit, and a great smile (that shines through my Irish eyes). Never thought of those traits as sexy per say, but I suppose they are, because they go to making up me, in all my sexy (and not so sexy) parts.

    Thanks for your article. It's sexy!!

  10. Maggie McReynolds says:

    Authenticity is probably the sexiest thing of all to me. And I think all your traits are sexy! Thanks for the warm feedback!

  11. Monkey says:

    I think vulnerability has to be the sexiest thing out there for men, women and myself.

    I love the thought stream that this article inspires and I think it is a great practice for us all to stand in front of the mirror naked physically, mentally and emotionally and see ourselves for who we are and appreciate that, seeing that we are sexy!

    Mostly we are sexy just because it is our inherent nature to be so. This universe is all about sexy.

    Right on Maggie!

  12. Maggie McReynolds says:

    That squeaking sound you hear is me vigorously nodding my head, Monkey!

  13. Coral says:

    I feel happy when I read this. Thank you.

  14. […] was the way that she laughed, that joyous laughter that captivated anyone who heard it, as it was genuine, hearty and sexy to the core because of its sincere sing-song, unpretentious and absolutely infectious […]

  15. Karma Kittyn says:

    I love, love, love this piece and especially love the line "I aspire to learn, evolve and expand my consciousness." You put into words what I have not been able to and what I am absolutely striving for in life presently. Thanks for sharing such brilliant words!

  16. Maggie McReynolds says:

    You're welcome!

  17. Maggie McReynolds says:

    Thanks, Karma! And you are very very welcome!

  18. cam says:

    Hey thanks for using my picture and for giving credit.

    Cam (aka dollen)