Dreaming Freedom Before I Forget What I Want. ~ Edith Lazenby

Via Edie Lazenby
on Feb 1, 2013
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Does the Well Ever Run Dry?

My insides feel like clay cracked by too much sun and though it shined today, there was no heat. Today I met wind with leg warmers, sweater, jacket and my girlfriend. Our managing editor suggested I go outside because when I wrote, I felt boring.

But right now I want to remember the freshness of wind, the charm of friendship, that hint of light greeting me in the mornings before I leave the house. Right now I want to hold onto something I cannot quite touch much less name.

Right now I want.

I want to feel a comfort time has taken. I want the comfort of knowing everything will be all right. And though I know whatever happens, everything will be all right, I don’t feel it with the trust I had when I got in the car with my dad as a kid. I don’t feel it with the hope I met every day before adolescence came at me with questions. I don’t feel it the way I felt when my mom took care of me whenever I was sick.

Right now I want.

I want to feel the moon beckoning me into the night. I want to feel abundance not from within but all around me. I want to feel that who I am is enough. I want to feel that how I am is not too much.

Right now I want.

I want ease to take what weighs me down and shed it like a snake skin. I want to feel so comfortable in my skin I don’t need to shed a layer of anything: fat, need, habits, dreams.

Right now I want to dream.

I want to remember that anything is possible: not the possibility the Dharma talks about of age, sickness and death. I want permanent change and change that unfolds like Dorothy’s yellow brick road. I want the courage of the lion, the heart of the tin man and if I could remember what my favorite the scarecrow wanted, I’d want that too.

But I forget.

I forget faith holds every inhale and exhale and light lives beyond the darkness. I forget need is just a language we all speak to show us love and desire. I forget change is permanent. I forget how I am is okay; for some I am too much, for others I am not enough, and for a very few I am just right.

I forget the blessing of one friend knowing I have several intimate friends and am lucky enough to be making a few new ones. I forget the universe is always expanding even when my heart cannot seem to keep up. I forget I love to write even if it does not mean much.

I forget. I want. I dream.

I forget to dream what I want. I want to dream what I forget. I dream of wanting what I forget and I dream of forgetting what I want.

Freedom holds any moment. I just have to be willing to join it.


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Ed: Brianna Bemel


About Edie Lazenby

Edith Lazenby's first love is poetry. Her second is yoga. Life unrolls in ways she could have never have imagined. She loves to love and live life daringly. Leap and the net will appear is how the saying goes but they don't tell you what to do after it disappears. Edith lives in Baltimore with her cat, Cucumber. She works all the time, it seems, these days. Life is good. Blessings are many.


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