Getting Through Breaking Up. ~ Pam Stewart

Via elephant journal
on Feb 11, 2013
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It will be difficult…it will often feel like you’re moving backwards.

Do not give up.

In fact, give in. Give in to those feelings. Feel everything you’re feeling so that it can leave you. That is the goal.

Brave faces and stiff upper lips will only get you so far, and then, just like a dieter with the strongest of wills, they will break and they will give their body what it needs.

You need to do the same.

What your body needs is to grieve. It needs to be allowed to feel its pain in its entire entirety; do not shut it down.

There may be times when your pain has to take a back seat…I understand this.

Sometimes the job interview, final exam or best-friend’s wedding is just unfortunately planned and you need to rise to the occasion.

I understand and support this, but only if this is the exception, not the norm, and you allow yourself to surrender to your emotions during your necessary process of healing and self-discovery.

Be patient with you, be kind.

Treat yourself like someone you truly love whose pain breaks your heart. Feel the hurt, write it in a journal. Let it go. Do not rethink all of the mistakes you made—all the mistakes he made—it is over.

Do not remember only the good. Cherish it for what it was, but leave it in the past.

Watch your breathing; learn to return your focus to your body, your heart.

Learn to sit with yourself; you will be okay.

You may always love him, but you will learn to love yourself more.

Just. Give it. Time.

Time is your new lover. Time will let you be as sad as you want. Time will let you pretend to be (sometimes actually be) okay. And time will let you come home, wash the make-up off of your face, and admit to yourself that you’re not.

Time will not say, “I told you so.”

Time will sit with you.

Eventually, you’ll need less of it.

Eventually, you’ll feel whole again—but for now, know that you are whole.

This pain is a part of you, a part of the whole you.

Go gently. Be kind. Breathe in and breathe out. This too shall pass.


Pam Stewart BioPam Stewart: I’m young. I’m learning. I’m trying really hard.


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Assistant Ed: Sara Crolick
Ed: Bryonie Wise


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5 Responses to “Getting Through Breaking Up. ~ Pam Stewart”

  1. […] truth is you can, and you will, but the how of it is up to you. Surrendering to lost love is the first step in the process of healing. From my vantage point as a coach, I see […]

  2. margaret says:

    thank you <3

  3. Pam Stewart says:

    take care, you

  4. Erica says:

    this is great, i love the idea of time as your new lover… really beautiful idea 🙂

    Pam, do you/does anyone have any thoughts on getting through the day at work? exams/interviews/weddings etc as the exception, sure, but what about just showing up and getting things done every day while feeling sick, sad and distracted? Not to mention the cognitive toll of the prolonged stress chemicals…

    So far i have:
    – tea as healing tonic
    – separate notebook on the desk for writing down overwhelming thoughts/feelings to 'get them out'
    – promise of the gym/yoga/something physical after work to calm the anxious feelings a bit

    (recommendations to get outside appreciated, but it's SUPER cold (i mean mulitple layers and heavy jackets aren't enough, cold) right now where I live and going outside and feeling cold just makes me sadder, sometimes)

    Thanks in advance 🙂

  5. Pam Stewart says:

    Erica–For me it's always about taking moments, preferably when the sun is coming through a window at midday, and feeling its power with my heart. Breathing in. Breathing out. Returning to present. I totally understand winter blues, physical activity is so important.
    My project as of late has been finding the moments–no music, no activity, no movement: just stillness.
    Do let me know what's been working for you.