March 9, 2013

Are You a Free Bird?

Emotions remind me of waves; sometimes tidal waves, but they all possess an ebb and flow.

Sometimes, we think we’ll come out of our skin, because we can’t shake something holding us tight in it’s grip. We can try to run or hide, and it makes no difference.

When we try to “stop the motion, in our emotions,” we feel worse. Denial, compartmentalizing and trying to control our feelings to the degree that we take no action is a health risk.

Not just a physical risk from the stress of holding “movement still,” but emotionally, it destroys our well being.

Fear rules when we try contain our feelings; we’re afraid of recognizing or sharing them, because we’ll be forced to take action. If past experiences have hurt or been a mistake, there’s a sense of living in our heads, it discourages action.

Then what?

Why does someone try to suck it up, push it down or pretend they don’t feel a certain way?

It means change.

When you act; things change.

Some have a huge fear of the unknown, losing control or get queasy about the future unless they “for sure” know tomorrow will look like today.

They want change too. All that’s unexpressed and not acted upon, eats away at their very sense of self. It’s an inauthentic existence, when we don’t act from our truth.

We are fluid beings; we somehow can fight our very nature, because of our need for the security of the known. Even if we hate the known, and feel constricted by it, we may keep sacrificing to remain in a place where we have a false sense of control.

Who could fall in this category?

> People who say they are free birds. (Bullshit)
> People who may actually say words of commitment, but can’t follow through.
> People who seem to have it all together.

> People who change the subject away from anything meaningful.
> People who are angry.
> People who share nothing.

All of these people, exude a ton of control over their emotions.

Even the angry ones.

The ones who are angry may explode at inappropriate things, but then squeeze all that emotion back into its tight container. Or, they unconsciously find other angry people.

Others share nothing about their inner world, keeping it stuffed in compartments, and utilize distraction. They may suffer from a feeling of something being wrong, the buzz of anxiety or insomnia…all culminating from the lack of expression.

Subject changer? Can’t handle anything, which threatens to poke or prod real feelings, so they change the subject to avert that disaster!

Some work very hard at controlling all aspects of their lives. These are the ones who flip out the quickest, cuz sooner or later something will be out of their control. Loss of something important; becoming so disconnected that depression swoops in or someone throws them a curveball will destroy this house of cards.

How about those who admit and commit to their feelings, but then do everything in their power to destroy the relationship, job or situation? They talk themselves out of it, pushing the emotions back into their box, and reasoning away the action to take…they live in the past. 

And those freebirds, what about ’em?

They’re full of it! “I’m free and easy-going, just don’t get too close or I’ll be gone. Not cuz I’m cool, but, cuz I can’t handle it!” These birds are afraid of anyone getting too close or they might have to deal with themselves. If they commit to anything, it means they could fail.

Under it all, is a lot of pain; take it from an ex-freebird, the only person I was shitting was myself.

What can we do if we’re trying to hold our watery emotions in place.

1. Write down your truth. Express it from deep inside. “I love, I want, I hate, I’m sad, I’m scared, etc…”

2. Start expressing to those you trust. Once you start, it’ll get easier.

3. Recognize in you what you’re truly afraid of, it’s old stuff, excavate it and deal.

4. Take different action. Do what scares you most. It changes your emotions from a swamp of stagnation to a rolling wave.

5. Take a bigger risk. Emotionally commit to something, someone or consistent action.

6. Trust yourself, you won’t disintegrate or fall to pieces permanently. Face it, all that’s pent up will result in a major meltdown at some point, anyway. Be kinder to yourself and by expressing and doing, you are living.

It’s time to grow up and trust ourselves. That’s right, grow up…mature and let go!

When we trust ourselves to handle our decisions good or bad, it allows us to weather the specter of possible disappointment. Trust gives us a gift; it’s where we  find well-being, wholeness and an appetite to ride the waves of life.



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Ed: Bryonie Wise


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