What It Means to Be an Evolved Man. ~ Kirk Hensler

Via Recovering Yogi
on Mar 7, 2013
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Source: thetardis.tumblr.com via Catherine on Pinterest

*Warning: sexual and adult language ahead.

It is my belief that the heart of a man burns with a steady fire, stoked to rage, that keeps his family safe and his enemies at a distance.

At best, it is quietly simmering underneath a sheath of composure, ready to be called upon, looking for any reason to explode into a fury, so that man can feel alive again—so that he can be experiencing the very thing he was put on this earth for.

But some of these guys keep talking about how they’ve found peace and calm; they don’t get angry anymore, and they have compassion for all humans. And some of the women are encouraging this strange behavior by pretending they are into it.

I can’t go anywhere these days without hearing about men who are in touch with their feelings and have a gentle nature. Women sit around and talk about it like it’s a good thing. Guys who have cut off their own connection to anything related to anger or aggression. Those feelings do not exist in their “being.”

This is somehow desirable.

Women apparently want a guy to make sweet and passionate love to them while telling them how beautiful they are, all the time. While I agree it is good for men to be more sensitive, they cannot possibly disregard their nature.

I recently saw a rant one of my Facebook yoga friends went on: “He is just totally at peace. He loves all humans.  He surfs, does yoga and meditates all the time to keep the peace that is naturally in his heart. He is so sweet to me and never gets upset about anything.”

Meanwhile, I’m down the street bending my girlfriend over her dresser so I can fuck her in front of her mirror.  She seems to like it.

In college, a kid that I did not like broke my bathroom door. He did it on purpose and made a joke about it to my roommates. He thought he was very cool and brave. I came home later that night and found the door cracked in half. I didn’t deserve that; it was unprovoked behavior. I didn’t have much time to think before I ripped the door off the hinges and carried it across the street to his apartment. When he opened the door and saw me standing there with my own door in my hands he did not seem very brave or tough. In fact, he backed himself into the corner of his apartment because he was so afraid to face the consequences of his actions. I did not hurt him, although I wanted to. I left my broken door on the floor of the apartment and told him to take care of it.

I didn’t start doing martial arts and yoga because I am a peaceful person. I don’t meditate because I’m so goddamn thankful to be alive that I can’t wait to sit and be present with myself and the world around me. I don’t really like the world around me. I meditate so that when I open my eyes I don’t feel like pushing random people down the stairs.


I am trying to see the world in a better light, I am trying to be a better person, and I am trying to make the world around me better. I’ve experienced serenity and peace through different outlets; I know the feeling. But like all feelings, it’s fleeting. It’s nowhere for a man to call home. A man’s home is in his tenacity. Remove the fire from a man and you’re left with someone disconnected from reality and his own existence, broken. Not resolved, but rather retired from dealing with life. Disconnected.

I have yet to see a man in the world with pure peace in his heart. We are lucky to get glimpses, and that is it.  Some people attach to the glimpses because the return home is too painful. I can’t blame them; life is hard, but the fight is worth it when you are journeying to discover who you are as a person.

I am a man, and sometimes I get angry.

It’s okay for me to punch things (preferably in a constructive way these days). It’s okay for me to want to fuck instead of making love. The art of war is beautiful to me; it’s not scary. I would be more scared if I shut off sections of my personality to cope with life. Believe me, I’ve done it, and it feels a lot like marrying someone you don’t love. I’ve faced a lot—sometimes with my fists clinched and sometimes with an open heart. It just depends on the situation. I do not wish to have enemies or fight for no reason, but I will not ignore conflict as a means of being peaceful.

We are evolving as humans and spiritual beings, without a doubt. But we are not changing into things that we are not. We can recreate ourselves a hundred times and our problems will still find a way to catch up with us.  It’s not sad; it’s an opportunity to stand up and face ourselves, who we truly are. That is what it means to be an evolved man.

Beauty is passion. Passion painted the universe. People on fire give us all reason for living.

And ladies, let’s be honest, are you really into these men that talk about how calm and passive they are?

 This story originally appeared on Recovering Yogi. 


Kirk Hensler was raised in metro Detroit on a steady diet of meat, potatoes and team sports. As a competitive athlete, he relied on his speed, power and dominant attitude to excel. Years later, when he took up martial arts, he was tossed around a sweaty dojo for months by various women and children. One day, while horizontal on the mat, he had the profound realization that their patience and finesse quietly trumped his strength and aggression. This led to an exploration of ancient Eastern philosophies, which, in turn, led Kirk to Taiwan, where he taught English, studied martial arts and ate a lot of delicious and strange street food. When Kirk returned to the US, he began applying what he’d learned to his Western, urban life and to his career as a wellness coach, martial arts instructor, and yoga teacher. Check out Kirk’s hip hop video. 


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Ed: Brianna Bemel


About Recovering Yogi

Far from the land of meaningless manifestation, vacuous positivity, and boring yoga speak lives Recovering Yogi, the voice of the pop spirituality counterculture and an irreverent forum where yogis, ex-yogis, never-yogis, writers, and readers converge to burst the bubble of sanctimonious rhetoric. We are critical thinkers and people who just love to laugh. Visit us on our web site for some straight talk, join the discussion on Facebook or Twitter, or buy a t-shirt and support our mission.


20 Responses to “What It Means to Be an Evolved Man. ~ Kirk Hensler”

  1. crimsunkg says:

    I agree that repressing your reactions or living an image of how you expect others to see you lies near the root of our suffering. The gem from your article is that we should be authentic, be fully present, and embrace ourselves and others with the deep awareness that everything arises and passes away.

  2. MatBoy says:

    Very well expressed feelings Kirk! Having spent time in Taiwan you probably came across concepts for men's roles in life, especially the wen/wu split: warriors/scholars. Reading through history, and the Chinese and Taiwanese love their history, you find that both are necessary. Different situations call for different approaches; both styles also expose weaknesses that can be exploited. Being aware of your tendencies and strengths is important. That is why strong martial rulers always relied on advisors and why smart and strategic rulers always needed strong warrior-generals. The Romance of the Three Kingdoms is the classic novel of war, personality and strategy.

    The games people play have various rules and lead to various outcomes. In Taiwan most families encourage their children to find a career, get married and raise families of their own; it is the central focus of their lives. This 'game' brings many challenges and how you face them shows what kind of person you are and also molds you into the person you want to become. There is appreciation in those societies for the strong, brave and reckless man, but also for the one who keeps his head down and slowly produces results and gets the job done. Words of peace and love are just that -WORDS.

    The final outcome is that we all die, but leave behind children and family that are more or less prepared to be successful in their lives. How we play is a matter of personal style. Getting results from our life/work is the thing to focus on: happiness, family security, and a shared insight about how to best make the world work for you and how you handle your challenges. My daughter taught me about the importance of turning the lemons life can give me into lemonade. Anger is useful, as you state, but useful to what end?

  3. Joseph says:

    Kirk has the culture disease of believing that meditation makes you passive or sweet, I have been at it for nearly twenty yrs and there were many men that walked bravely into hell in Iraq and went to peaceful sleep after meditation. Interconnected is what you find while meditating, not passiveness. Maybe this guy should have done his homework.

  4. Sara says:

    So I guess I'm wondering why it upsets or frustrates or even bothers you that there are men and women who appreciate a man at peace, who "have compassion for all humans… men who are in touch with their feelings and have a gentle nature."
    Why do you feel like your fire and passion and perhaps anger can not co-exist along side a more peaceful warrior? And as a woman who is passionate and inspired and in love with a more peaceful man, I can assure you he has not let go his tenacity or his passion or his lust…it's just wrapped in a different package than yours.

  5. Jessalyn says:

    I hear what you are saying…but I like a healthy balance. Maybe that is what you are suggesting? I think meeting the world with an open heart and a clenched fist (when appropriate) IS a tricky balance, but hopefully if you start with the open heart there won't be as many fists needed…Also…can't I be be bent over the dresser and gently cunniling'd in the same day :D?

  6. Alden says:

    Thanks so much for this article. I have always felt this way myself, and have ALWAYS been told how wrong that was. Indeed, we must take the yin with the yang…


  7. Mr.Science says:

    Best article ever. No more fake it till you make it. No more pretending that hiding will end conflict. Nice work dude.

  8. mcoeling says:

    I agree with Sara, Jessalyn, and Hannah. YOU living YOUR truth as your authentic self is quite understandable and something for others to learn from, in that you are saying "Hey, this is who I am, and it's okay to be who you are." However, assuming that your truth is every other man's truth and leaving no room for others to stray from what you see as the expression of a real and authentic man only serves to perpetuate the same type of generalization that you rile against. No one gets to decide what is okay way to be for an entire group of people — regardless of whether their ideal is the "peaceful warrior" or the opposite.

  9. John says:

    amen, brother

  10. David H says:

    Hmm interesting article. A call for the perseverance of traditional masculinity. It sounds like someone feels threatened by the positive changes in masculinity. As someone who has struggled with anger for all my life, I don't disagree completely with the article. We can't cut ourselves off from what is alive in our being…however this also includes compassion, sensitivity, pain and other aspects that have been socialized out of our male identities. I would also add that with the outrageous rates of domestic violence and sexual assault committed by men onto women, we should not glorify aggression, violence and anger but rather how is it that we work through our anger

  11. Guest says:


  12. Guest says:

    Insecure and angry at that insecurity it seems. This whole article just seems like a bit of a humble brag.

  13. Matty says:

    Hey did you nub, maybe you need to re-read his article. He is expressing his perspective on himself and the obsersvations of others around him and shared it.

  14. hank says:

    It sounds like the writer is insecure with his sexuality and is angry about it.

  15. MatBoy says:

    Yes, but it does seem age and culturally relevant for this young man. We can only work through our issues when we come across them. At least he is aware of the contradictions and society is showing him that his high school sports team attitude will not get him very far is the real world. Stage is set for some growing up. I hope his next boss is a very feminine woman, or a gay man.

  16. Sarvaan says:

    It's apparent that this young writer needs more meditation and some time spent sitting at the feet of a master. But kudos to him for putting out his thoughts, misguided as they are and lacking discernment. At least there are some wise individuals here to light the way…

  17. Auren says:

    I like it, and I get it, but not for me. I live with peace in my heart and compassion for all human beings. I've got "love" tattooed on my wrist not for a woman, but for the love I have for humanity. My fire gets stoked in solving the problems of humanity, the persistent problems that don't go away, like poverty and injustice and disease. I want to live in a world where all men live their purpose, and man – it sounds like you are constructively living yours, which is awesome – but I also echo that there are tons of pathways to living a life of an authentic, spiritual man, as I consider myself. Also, since when was it incompatible for men to make love to their woman and bend them over the dresser at the same time? There is making sweet love, and then there is that ravishing deep lovemaking where I fuck a woman to her heart, in total openness and surrender and full expression of my masculine force and her feminine surrender. Honestly? I really don't get angry, in the cursory sense. People don't piss me off when they cut me off while driving. I don't flip idiots the bird for acting like idiots. But what pisses me off is seeing a world with so much injustice – and I channel this deep anger if you will, this soul rejection of the state of the world for my own vision, into my work and my life. And hell yes, I love training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, for the competition, and the cameraderie, for the pin and the tapout and even when I get beat, so I can learn.

    And I meditate and do Kriya Yoga. So, so much mental peace and clarity. Clarity and peace so I can fearlessly give my gifts to the world, and my woman. I am not driven by anger but by mission, by obligation, and by spiritual personal duty. I recommend you dive into David Deida's Way of the Superior Man and realize that – bro – peace inside and compassion for other human beings is not a "feminine" trait, it is a "human" trait, an evolved one at that. Nothing wrong for having love for humanity and your woman and bringing your masculine drive and passion and purpose to both. Make love to the world, fuck it to smithereens, and to your woman, that's being a man. Good luck and God bless.

  18. James says:

    I dont understand that the writer equates 'anger' with 'strength'. When we react in anger, we usually come from a place of weakness. Being strong and courageous has nothing to do with being angry. When I get right to the root of my anger I think it comes from a place of fear. I dont think that by removing fear and anger from our hearts we extinguish the 'fire' of our manhood. Real strength comes from confronting our fear and accepting. I guess this is the kind of 'new age' 'vacuous' stuff that makes the author feel angry. Oops!
    OM Shanti. James

  19. orb-weaver says:

    the writers on this site seem to have a hard time escaping gender roles

  20. Akim says:

    It is tremendous blog, I need to be like you