Do Women Want Sex More than Men?

Via Hayley Hobson
on Apr 17, 2013
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A girlfriend of mine caught me by surprise the other day while we were sitting at lunch.

The conversation started out of nowhere when she began to express to me that she has no desire to ever marry.  She indicated the only thing she really needs from a man is sex, and that she doesn’t find ultimate fulfillment in relationships.

She wants a boy toy in every port, and does not want any man telling her what she can or can’t do.

She’s my fierce, renegade friend, who I find utterly amusing.

My jaw dropped as she was talking. I had no idea that she was like this, or thought like this, but I couldn’t help but laugh and enjoy the conversation as she continually cracked me up. Instead of droning on about finding that special guy or lamenting over the fact that she is not married and well into her 30s, it was exactly the opposite of most conversations women have.

Then she turned to me and asked, When did women start wanting sex more than men?”

I don’t even pretend to have the answers, but I thought this topic was worthy enough to share. It has long been believed that men want and need sex more than women, but when it boils down to it, this isn’t always true. Sexual needs and wants really depends on the individual. We all have different sexual appetites and different desires for how often we want sex.

At the end of our conversation (I couldn’t stop smiling) I told my friend, “Well, honey, you are going to have to find a man with a sexual appetite to match yours.”

She laughed and responded. “I swear, one man will never be enough for me.” And she was dead serious.

You may think she is crazy but I swear she is not.  This woman is just speaking her truth.  But I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject.  How much sex is too much?  Not enough?  Should we settle down?  If not, why not?  Please leave your comments below.

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Ed: Kate Bartolotta


About Hayley Hobson

Hayley Hobson is an author, speaker, business coach, yogi, Pilates and holistic nutritional expert based in Boulder, CO. Hayley creates lifestyle transformations by coaching her clients to strengthen, nourish and evolve through the cycles and shifts in life. Combining cutting edge understanding in all three disciplines due to years of anatomical study and dietary theory, Hayley’s approach leverages their blended benefits and results. Her unique and intelligent style promotes strengthening while softening–empowering her client’s to heal not only their physical bodies, but their hearts and minds as well. Hayley studied at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition, continues her studies with David Wolfe, raw food expert and is an essential oil expert in her own right.  Her insights and articles can also be found on her blog, Mindbodygreen and Islaorganics. She has also been featured in Pilates Style magazine, Natural Health magazine and Triathlete Magazine.  She has fun running and playing in the mountains with her husband, former world-ranked triathlete, Wes Hobson and their two beautiful daughters, Makenna and Madeline. To learn more about her nutritional courses, events she's hosting and custom programs go to her website or follow her on Facebook or Twitter or Pinterest.


21 Responses to “Do Women Want Sex More than Men?”

  1. Bill in Naples says:

    I would say sex is like food. Twice a day keeps the hunger away. Or one daily feast will do. Finding that sparky someone with matching appetite can be a challenge. But I cannot imagine settling for less.

  2. Sara says:

    I agree that you need to find someone that you are a match with sexually. I prefer every other day or so and I know most men want it everyday. I have never understood those once a week girls.

  3. Cindy says:

    I do not think frequency is a fact and the partner (matching the desired frequency) is the variable. Frequency is an ebb and flow that reacts to health, hormones, mood, past experience and partner. A skilled partner can be a powerful motivator as can a healthy attitude from the onset. I am in my forties. Ten years ago I could have given up sex altogether. Now, with some healing and the right partner, we have sex as often as time allows, even several times a day. We are a match in many aspects and this makes it easier to form a sexual pattern that is complete for both.

  4. AMK says:

    Personally, it depends on my partner, and how sexually attractive he is to me on any given day. I love the man I am with for a vast number of reasons, but not because he is a stellar lover. It has a lot to do with his life, my life and how well the two mesh, as well as the workload associated with said life. Like Cindy, I was OK with no sex for a long time – thought it was overrated and "much a-do about nothing." Now, however, things are different, and 1-3 times a week is just fine with me. My partner is just fine with that also.

  5. Erik says:

    If I say "men are taller than women" I don't mean that every single man is taller than every single woman. Some women are tall, and some men are short. So if I say "men have a higher sex drive than women" I don't mean that all men have higher sex drives than all women. Your friend has a high sex drive, but that doesn't mean that her experience generalizes to women wanting more sex than men, just that there is a lot of variation among individuals. Average behaviors are still the same as they used to be, men have higher sex drives on average. But there is a lot of variation at the individual level. Age also has something to do with it, since for men sex drive tends to slow down as they get older but it tends to go up for women.

  6. Olan Webb says:

    It used to be said that Men think about sex all the time. I used to think that too till I become part of a Goth bank and now where we perform it seems sometimes that all women think about is sex,sex,sex I often find myself trying to push them away.

  7. Danny says:

    you are straight, and you have a d!ick, but you "find yourself trying to push them away"? GTFO xD

  8. Double Standards says:

    According to women, men are dogs if they are promiscuous (which apparently should be said) but poor women get called sluts if they are promiscuous (an unacceptable thing to say). Turns out promiscuity is empowering (if it is a woman). Double standards all over the place.

  9. Goldie Locks says:

    Sex three times a week would be fine with me, two times or more in a day would be even better. Unfortunately, the older my husband gets the less he wants to have sex, he still likes to but for him once every month or once in a three month time period is enough for him. When we were in our 20’s, he had a very strong sexual appetite, now that we’re in our mid 30’s his libido has slowed down dramatically while mine has increased ten-fold. The biological make up of males and females is strange and curious indeed, Younger men seem to have a higher sex drive than younger women and as women get in their 30’s their sex drive accelerates, while most men’s (not saying all) seem to slow down! Not long after I turned 34, I began to notice that I was thinking about sex more than I ever had in my life! My hormones went through the roof, and my husband compared my sex drive to that of a teenage boy. He wasn’t being mean or rude, he was just surprised by my sudden want and need for more sexual activity in the bedroom. At times he enjoys my renewed sexual energy, and there are times that he says the last thing on his mind at the moment is sex, so it’s become a balancing act. He suggested that I purchase a “marital aid” for when he wasn’t in the mood. I will say this, to each their own, when it comes down to how much, when, and how. I also believe that that one should stay with a single partner whether your married, dating, or friends with benefits. Having a single partner greatly reduces the chances of sexually transmitted diseases, and other situations that could be very awkward; ex: finding out your potential fling is married, in a relationship, or wants more out of the trist than you anticipated. That’s just my view on the matter, everyone is different and opinions vary from person to person. I don’t judge anyone’s sexual preference or life, what works for one may not work for another.

  10. JoJoe says:

    I'm in such a conundrum here. In my early 50's but don't feel or look like it. I'm active and can go all night, every night.
    My lover, I left, has such a low sex drive it made me shake in frustration. Where are the horny, go all night, experienced, imaginative lovers gone? I mean I can't seem to find a MoJo to match. I'm losing my mind in sexual frustration and no matter the vast ways I mask or use my energy to combat the frustration. I end up in the quiet hours, as these here, listening to my MoJo scream with need and frustration. I went to the extent of going on online dating sites under "intimate encounter" but that seemed to risky to my health. STD's and risky places. My problem also may be my independence, I don't need anything from a man, but this one thing. I don't need money, I don't need much of your time, we don't have to share lockers, offices, emails, dinner, or jaunts in the park on weekends. My life is busy, full of fantastic people and events. I just need this one thing SEX. I'll admit I do need romance, fun, wild abandonment. What is it with men not being able to make love outside anymore too. That was a given when I was in my teens. I get men in bars asking me to go home with them, alas, to risky, I need to know the history and skill of a man before I jump his shark. Has online porn taken over, are all men lazy, no stamina, no invention, no energy? I don't have to love a man to have sex, I don't need to talk about a future. And maybe like the younger woman with her biological clock ticking, I may feel that my MoJo is on the clock and I really want to get my needs met before she starts picking up stray cats instead of available men. Arg… I get so sad when I go here. I have to go run another 5km, this is like the edge of insanity.

  11. Eric S Brown says:

    I've never once experienced a woman that could even come close to matching my sex drive. I was even with a woman who was like the friend in this article, she thought no one man could ever be enough for her. I easily proved her wrong when we would be fooling around for hours and she would get tired and I still wanted to keep going. Then, when we woke up in the morning, I still wanted more, and she didn't want any. She would even wake me up in the middle of the night, thinking she would have the advantage since I would be tired, and I would still last longer than her. We were good "friends with benefits" for a few months before she got a boyfriend that was more her speed. I honestly hope my sex drive slows down significantly so I can be at least on par with a woman who wants lots of sex, I can't carry on a quality relationship like this.

  12. jojoe says:

    Eric, S Brown? Where the hell do you live? HA!

  13. Dynamite says:

    It's true so true I miss sex a lot!

  14. christina197 says:

    What you say, Jojoe, resonates with me. I have been on my own for four years, having been married to a man who seemed to age before my eyes. He called himself a "rampant heterosexual" but, believe me, there wasn't much "ramping" going on! My sex drive is high, and I am a bit older than you – I, too, don't look or feel my age, and am wondering where the men are that I can have some fun with, and perhaps even find one who will make a loving partner for the future. My ex let everyone think he was a red hot lover, but under the duvet was a different matter. He left me with an std he got before we married, which he "forgot" to tell me about until it was too late – so my search for lovers is not as easy as yours. Would love some magic to happen that we both could find men who are enthusiastic and satisfying before too long! Wishing you all the best.

  15. Andrea says:

    I think it all depends on your lover, if the sex is really hot I find I want it a lot more. I’m 46 and 3 or 4 times a week is great. 🙂

  16. thetrex says:

    I'm female, and male partners have never been as good for me as females.
    I had this girlfriend when I was 18 who was ten years older, and we were both insatiable so it just worked.. other than her I've had a couple of girls that both were ok, and then one that fluctuated from wanting to play all the time, to not wanting to play at all. I got very good at being responsible for my own orgasms. But it was kinda lonely.
    I'm 25 now, and my sex drive is about the same as always, high.
    I want another woman who wants to play, lots, but who is emotional intelligent enough to know when and how 🙂

  17. Suraj says:

    i'll say 'here i am'

  18. ... says:

    I don't know why so many guys are obsessed with proving that women don't want sex as much as they do. I'm a guy and based on how my friends act, I've never seen a female ever be as prudish as a couple of the guys I know. I know a lot of my friends though say stuff about girls not liking porn and I always replied "if girls don't like porn then why do the videos focus on the guy's dick so much?" I think other guys need to realize that trying to prove women have less of a sex drive then they do which is false is not going to help anyone and is making it harder for both genders to be satisfied properly.

  19. Carmen says:

    My close friend is a woman in her mid fiftys who cannot get enough! She is a very beautiful , trim woman with the strongest sex drive I ever heard of. She often has sex with men who are 25 and 30 years younger, sometimes twice a day! There seems to never be a shortage of young men who desire older women like her. She contends that men closer to her age cannot keep up but the younger guys are great. I have never encountered any other woman like her! Her guys sleep over a couple times a week! Does she have a hormone imbalance?

  20. Terri says:

    I feel the same as this women!

  21. Cominin2 says:

    I just saw this article and have to respond! I am a 45 year old woman married once for about 3 years at the age of 41-44 and divorced because he simply was not who he portrayed himself to be. But we didn't have sex more than 30 times the whole marriage! I have always liked sex but never felt completely comfortable to relax and let go. But after my failed marriage, and I swear it has something to do with my hormones, I am a complete horn dog!! I can not get enough! I have had a 35 year old boyfriend not be able to give me enough. Now I am with my love who will be 43 soon and we have sex everyday and I mean EVERYDAY! We have missed in the past 4 months maybe 2 days. We actually kept track and checked in the Guiness World Records and we beat the record of 102 I believe. If only we would have known before hand that our chemistry was so right on that we would willingly throw down on each other nightly. And not only that, we have had morning sex as well almost every morning. I am the one who cant get enough. He is willing but has complained of being tired and I tired or not am there for lovin! It helps me sleep better, less body aches, have a better attitude, gives me energy the next day. I can really say nothing bad about it. I am convinced that most women do want sex more than men if its good sex and they want to be there. If they are complaining chances are there is something wrong with the relationship.