Whole Foods bans GMOs! [April Fool’s Day edition]

Via elephant journal
on Apr 1, 2013
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whole foods koch brothers

After seeing its stock price struggle for a year, plus founder John Mackey’s shenanigans, hostile takeover takes Whole Foods private; to be controlled by Koch Brothers.


Whole Foods, in bold move, announces it will go truly green—customers flock elsewhere.

Whole Foods to carry only gmo-free & organic products that are local, fair labor; bans plastic packaging.

Whole Foods goes green—and loses 90% of its customers.

Bad Business? Whole Foods goes fully Green.

From now on, Whole Foods will only carry non-GMO, organic food without plastic packaging.

In response, 90% of Whole Foods’ existing customers, in a USA Today Poll, say they’ll shop elsewhere.

Apparently, most of Whole Foods former customers had little problem shopping at Safeway, King Soopers, etc—groceries where they could still find conventional products made half a world away that were “cheap” on the backs of human beings who didn’t get paid properly, worked overlong days in unsafe conditions, and sometimes brought their children along to help out.


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12 Responses to “Whole Foods bans GMOs! [April Fool’s Day edition]”

  1. Kat says:

    Haven't noticed any changes yet. I & most of the people I know look forward to when WF does carry more organic instead of conventional. But I think this may be another story to knock WF. A couple of months ago was the story about them going too radical in supporting veganism, but I still can't find a gluten-free vegan bread at any of the Southern California stores, not even their own brand. Meanwhile, here there are full parking lots & lines at each register so that 10% customer base must have been pretty large;~)

  2. Check the date, Kat!

  3. stevehenslee says:

    I'm the head of a 4 person family that makes 25K a year.. (sad but true) we cut corners in almost every area of life EXCEPT our food!! I now ride a bike 7 days a week so we CAN afford to shop at a business that sells ethical and healthy food…so unless another healthy option pops up….. I'm a faithful WF shopper regardless.

  4. elephantjournal says:

    April Fool's…Right?? I cannot believe that any company would sacrifice 90% of its customers overnight. It would be corporate suicide and their board of directors would never approve such a move based solely on principles. Even Whole Foods is obligated to make a profit.

  5. Tana says:

    this has got to be one of the most poorly written articles i've ever read. really.
    not even funny enough to an "April Fools!".

  6. jen says:

    Seriously where are the references here?

  7. Mari says:

    April Fools! It's gotta be. What's a Whole Foods Republican? And who would openly support "products made half a world away that were “cheap” on the backs of human beings who didn’t get paid properly, worked overlong days in unsafe conditions, and sometimes brought their children along to help out??" FAKE!

  8. Leana Sinatra says:

    For a moment, I thought I was reading The Onion! 😉

  9. Katrina Knudsen says:

    I am a Mill Valley Mom and I shop at Whole Foods because that is what all the cool kids do.

  10. elephantjournal says:

    Coming from someone who doesn't capitalize a sentence, that's quite an insult. ~ Waylon

  11. elephantjournal says:

    I love WFM myself! They've done a done to show that green business can be successful, and have supported lots of great causes. No one's perfect, but I dig 'em. ~ Waylon

  12. kafinsmif says:

    Though this is obviously an April Fools’ article, here are some reasons why, even if WFM did this, it probably wouldn’t be any better, and might even be WORSE. Lord knows a huge corporation would be cutting the corners the following article talks about and more (WFM is a wonderful store, but they are FAR from innocent in that area).