When Anguish Reaches. {Poem} ~ Edith Lazenby

Via Edie Lazenby
on May 11, 2013
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anguish

I wanted to cry myself into a hole.

I wanted to break things.

I wanted to let go of all I know and find what I don’t.

I wanted to bury myself under layers of rose bushes.

I wanted to open the windows and strip myself naked in the rain and dare the lightening to make me burn.

I wanted to ignite the anguish I have and turn it into a plea with God to change now into a then I only imagine.

I wanted to dance on my fingernails because they would break.

I wanted to feel broken and beaten so I would have a reason to give up, give in, and have no need to pretend.

I wanted to want beyond any need.

I wanted my want to stomp on need because I can negotiate want.

I wanted to deny all my needs.

I wanted to eat a bag of dove milk chocolates.

I wanted to stare at television as if a show could hold meaning.

I wanted to take love and push it up to the moon so I could land on the side I never see and see if the darkness felt light to me.

I wanted to take light and color it the color of fresh blood and drape it like a curtain across the ceiling so I could count the drops like sheep.

I wanted to sleep without dreams and dream in a way that took what is from under me.

I wanted to fold my heart into my tissue and think my tears would wash it clean.

I wanted to die for a moment until I realized dying would not release my darkness or lighten my life.

I wanted to crawl on the floor and become a caterpillar so I’d feel less like a worm and know in time I’d fly before I die.

I wanted to fly.

I wanted to remember what it’s like to have nothing but hope and promise at my fingertips.

Instead what I have is this: a moment where sanity’s sheathe dresses me in sounds I dare to make in hopes you’ll know I’m not really crazy, as I remember with the tingle of time it all matters and does not need to make sense.

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Editor: Kate Bartolotta

 

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About Edie Lazenby

Edith Lazenby's first love is poetry. Her second is yoga. Life unrolls in ways she could have never have imagined. She loves to love and live life daringly. Leap and the net will appear is how the saying goes but they don't tell you what to do after it disappears. Edith lives in Baltimore with her cat, Cucumber. She works all the time, it seems, these days. Life is good. Blessings are many.

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