It’s All in the Hips. ~ Anthony Ware

Via elephant journal
on Jun 12, 2013
get elephant's newsletter


Tears were streaming down my face—I had lump in my throat the size of an apple.

My hips were hurting yet feeling good at the same time. Waves of emotions and memories rushed over me.

How did I find myself in this situation? Hint: I wasn’t playing golf (and get your mind out of the gutter).

I remember it like it was yesterday: back in August 2010, amidst the craziness of a life filled with unfulfilled potential and trying to do too many things at once, I had the bright idea to sign up for yoga teacher training. A few weeks into the training, I was smack dab in the middle of learning about hip opening poses when a river of emotion hit me like a ton of bricks.

“What the hell?” was my first thought. “Not so manly” was my second.

I was a hot mess, but I tried to play it cool.

Of course I tried to play it cool—I’m a guy! And us guys are programmed to think that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. Even worse, a key part of our “man code” is to never discuss our feelings or emotional ups and downs.

As it turns out, carrying the weight of years of repressed emotions from playing the strong role and not sharing feelings is not a good thing. Who knew?

Instead of (or maybe, in addition to) a healthy dose of pent-up frustration from life, I had a mixed bag of emotions locked away. This stressed out state of being had become my “normal”—and I was unaware of the consequences.

Through a lifetime of practice, I had become an expert at stockpiling emotions.

Let me explain how I would do this.

One method was deflection. In many of my relationships, I would be sure to ask enough questions of the other person that I wouldn’t have to talk about my own situation or work through my own problems.

Another method was to downplay what I was really feeling. If someone asked me, “How are you?” I would reply with “great” or “fine” (F.I.N.E., as in ‘Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional,’ ‘Feeling Inadequate, Needing Encouragement’ or ‘Feelings Inside Not Expressed’). The result was a Pandora’s box spring-loaded with dynamite. The only thing it needed was a spark, something like a death in the family—or maybe a hip opening class.

Oh those hips…

Hip opening exercises let me learn how dangerous it is to lock up emotions, and that sometimes those emotions can suddenly explode on you.

In the hours that followed my hip moment, I had flashbacks of my Papa, my dad’s dad who had died on my birthday, of Damon, my youngest brother who had committed suicide in 2009 at the age of 22, and of random thoughts of days gone by. I thought I had addressed those issues, but in reality there had been a ton of emotions lingering.

Fast forward two and a half years: I’ve learned to be more mindful and aware of the tension in my hips. More importantly, I don’t hide my emotions anymore.

My yoga practice is therapy.

Today, I’ll share this story with anyone who will listen because it’s both funny and serious.

It’s also a good lesson for men: when they ask about yoga, I tell them that I started practicing because I wanted to meet women (yes, I know better now) and how I cried during a hip-opener class. It’s my version of a public service announcement for men to be mindful of their emotions (you should see the uncomfortable looks on some of their faces!).

My hope is that I influence at least one man to address his emotions. I believe that  a world where more men spend time cultivating emotional awareness and healthy emotional expression is possible.

Now that I know “it’s all in the hips,” it’s time to work on my short game.


Anthony Ware Anthony Ware is a yogi, mentor, writer, cultural architect and listener. His life is a spicy gumbo with experiences including teaching yoga and mindfulness (to adults & kids), advocating conscious consumerism, working for a couple of Fortune 500 companies, and being an eight-year-old janitor. Born and raised in Indiana, Anthony has lived in Chicago, Florida and Sweden. He digs a good green smoothie, conversations that give you pause, meditation, and laughing until his cheeks hurt. Anthony prefers ”bend the spoon” thinking to “thinking outside the box.”Anthony founded Access+Optimism in 2012 and facilitates Summer C.A.M.P. ~ Conscious Awareness Mentor Program™. He is currently working on embracing his wanderlust and planning out the details of an around-the-world trip in July 2014. You can read more of his thoughts about life and the world on the A+O website. If you have a second, hop on over to the Access+Optimism Facebook Page and “LIKE” it. You can contact Anthony directly at [email protected].


 Like elephant yoga on Facebook.

Assistant Ed: Renée Picard/Ed: Bryonie Wise

{Photo: via Kristen on Pinterest}




About elephant journal

elephant journal is dedicated to "bringing together those working (and playing) to create enlightened society." We're about anything that helps us to live a good life that's also good for others, and our planet. >>> Founded as a print magazine in 2002, we went national in 2005 and then (because mainstream magazine distribution is wildly inefficient from an eco-responsible point of view) transitioned online in 2009. >>> elephant's been named to 30 top new media lists, and was voted #1 in the US on twitter's Shorty Awards for #green content...two years running. >>> Get involved: > Subscribe to our free Best of the Week e-newsletter. > Follow us on Twitter. Fan us on Facebook. > Write: send article or query. > Advertise. > Pay for what you read, help indie journalism survive and thrive—and get your name/business/fave non-profit on every page of Questions? Send to [email protected]


16 Responses to “It’s All in the Hips. ~ Anthony Ware”

  1. carriestiles says:

    Love this. Thanks for sharing. Good to hear from an honest man. Rare.

  2. Amy says:

    I love the heartfelt and honest writing. Thank you for shaing a personal story that will, I’m sure inspire others to open up. Opening your emotions is the only way to heal. Thank you again.

  3. Becky says:

    I love Anthony's ability to look at his life with a degree of honesty and realism that would terrify most people. He manages to do it while also maintaining a sense of humor. Very well written and inspiring!

  4. bradstandsonhead says:

    Anthony what's the difference between bend the spoon thinking and thinking outside the box? Liked the article!

  5. Lalana says:

    Open and honest and enjoyed:)

  6. A+O Curator says:

    Thinking outside the box…still focuses on the box. Bend the spoon is a loose reference to the Matrix. –
    Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead… only try to realize the truth.
    Neo: What truth?
    Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
    Neo: There is no spoon?
    Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

  7. A+O Curator says:

    My intention with sharing was to create the space where more fellas feel at ease with exploring those dark places that we tend to cover up. Like Joseph Campbell talks about…we need to go to the abyss before we can experience life as a whole person. Or something like that. Glad you enjoyed the article.

  8. A+O Curator says:

    So true Amy. The interesting think is that more memories come back to me everyday. It's like I lost about 10 years of memory and slowly it's reappearing. Healing is a process.

  9. A+O Curator says:

    Honored by your kind words Becky. Humor has been a defense behavior in my past, Now I realize it's something that can help my personal growth. It's my kale…packed with a ton of goodness. After all, we shouldn't take ourselves too serious.

  10. A+O Curator says:

    I know you had a ton of other things today but you took the time to read…and comment on my article. Glad you enjoyed it. Create an awesome weekend 🙂

  11. Bali says:

    Anthony, I'm truely blessed to have you in my life. You are such an inspirational guy. I remember when we first connected as it was right when your brother committed suicide which is a time I will never forget. I absolutely believe you were put on this earth to help others….you certainly helped me. Your friend always.

  12. bradstandsonhead says:

    Got it couldn't place the reference thanks

  13. A+O Curator says:

    Thank you for your kind words Bali.

  14. Mark Saad says:

    Great article a-dub!

  15. Jodi Bratch says:

    Love hearing your truth and how you present it in a way we can all connect to and understand.

  16. Lisa Avebury says:

    Really engaging piece, thank you for sharing 🙂