The difference between Men & Women. {Video}

Via Waylon Lewis
on Jul 3, 2013
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nail head

And modern gentleman with 10 or more meaningful relationships under their belts cathartically giggle/cry everywhere:

Every man ever has had this conversation.

Try to see things my way. We can work it out. I need you to just listen. Thank you. Stop trying to fix the problem. Ow!

Haahahahah ahah sobbbbbb:

A mature observation. “I’ve learned with my wife to basically listen, and then before offering any advice ask her if she wants any suggestions. Usually if I ask if she wants my input she will say yes, but if I just offer it she can get frustrated.

I think part of this just stems from the fact that I cope with frustrating problems by working to solve them, where my wife copes with problems by talking about them. This isn’t even to say that one is more effective than the other; many problems don’t have attainable solutions, but for me the act of trying something helps me cope. Depending on the problem trying to solve it vs talking about it may or may not be the healthier route. Endlessly talking about an easy to solve problem isn’t good, but neither is endlessly trying to solve the impossible, delaying acceptance.

That said, when the problems are solvable and if your partner isn’t actually solving it on their own then for both your sakes you should help them with it. Usually though you should bring up solutions outside of their conversations for handling the frustration, so they get their coping time, and then you can help nudge them in the right direction.”

Relephant bonus: Debunking the New Age Myth of Completeness.


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


4 Responses to “The difference between Men & Women. {Video}”

  1. Nancy says:

    When Men and women are face to face in conversation about theire respective day and the problems and issues that arise separately, I have realized that BOTH offer help, suggestions and want to fix the problem…not just listen. BOTH want to be listened to as well. So with that said there is not difference in gender when it comes to this kind of conversation.

  2. elephantjournal says:

    Corey: Yes, because we men want to "fix" everything, ignoring our own problems, of course. Another piece of advice. Learn when to just walk away from an argument rather than trying to be the winner, or getting the last word in. Cool down, talk about it later if need be. Learn to apologize and accept responsibility later, when you have been an ass.
    Unlike · Reply · 3 · 6 hours ago · Edited Great comment! Add it to the post, if so inspired, so our readers can share your two cents.

    Willow: This post still shows that the author doesn't get it. It's not that there are two ways to cope and one is male and the other is female. That is reductionist. In the context of my work I solve many problems daily and quickly, and, being female, you might assume that all I want to do is talk about it. A woman in the context of a relationship is talking to her partner inpart because sharing is relational, she is telling him she trusts him and wants him to be present for her feelings. Solving is important, inits time and place. Could we have a more nuanced presentation of this fasle dichotomy?

    Cory: Willow, welcome to the real world. My wife and I have been married for twenty years next Winter, and we learned most of our lessons, hard fought, along the way. We even separated for a year, and still ended up getting back together for the second ten years. I think there are some general attributes of men and women that need to be understood. I had to get over my need to be right, and my need to be "the fixer", and just listen sometimes. My wife didn't vocalize my mistakes well, nor did I hers. I think about this a lot when I hear people divorce early into their marriages.

    Jennifer: I have found, in my marriage, my husband and I both have our nails. We each have the ability to see the other's clearly, but struggle to comprehend our own. I guess I never really put together that this was supposed to be a "men are like this/women are like that" video.

    Dawn Gonzales: You guys! It's humor. Laugh a little.

    Solange D: Just what I needed right now! Thank you! I'm sharing it.

    Susan-Alia: I'm confused. Am I supposed to believe that she doesn't know there's a nail in her head or that she knows but doesn't believe it's the problem?

    I think my problems with women stem from this kind of disconnect. "There's a fucking nail in your head. Deal with it!" I have little patience for the constant need to share the same problem over and over.
    Like · Reply · 5 hours ago via mobile Not sure. I think the video's intent, generally, is to bring humor to the different approaches the sexes can bring to addressing problems. As the comment in the blog points out, talking about problems and addressing the root causes are two different tacts. Obviously, many times, communication and talking about the problem, the nail, is the way to address the problem…a problem that can't otherwise be fixed. Emotional and communication issues, after all, aren't nails.

  3. Joe Sparks says:

    It is obviously a massive stereotype of both sexes. You can tell they didn't agree to listen to each other and are acting out roles they were conditioned into. They would not be having this conversation if they had emotional resource for themselves. What you see is patterned behavior, not aware loving attention. It is ridiculous to try to get all your needs met by one person.

  4. Charlotte says:

    Women like to talk about their problems (and I've meet men that do too), because it HELPS us solve them. Once you get it ou there, you gain useful perspective on the situation. It is a much better way to begin solving a problem than by simply being bombarded by prescriptive solutions. I have this problem with my (recently -ex) boyfriend a lot because he just launches into a tirade if I just present an idea – he automatically thinks I've committed to something when I'm just trying it on, like a hat or a pair of shoes.