July 20, 2013

Win the Dating Game.

Dating can be as complex as human emotion.

But, it doesn’t have to be; dating can be broken down into a few simple steps.

For instance, you may have just gotten out of a long-term relationship or are going through a divorce and in an attempt to feel better you are searching for the next person to love or the next person who will love and care for you.

Conversely, you could be brand new to dating. Or, you may just want to get laid and have a good time.

Whatever your motive is, I have mined the halls of my experience and education to create a general and workable formula just for you.

Breaking the ice:

You may not be a big fan of breaking if you have already broken-up, had your heart broken, broke down or are dead broke. One of those things is enough to scare anyone off of dating or prevent anyone from trying. But, the fact is if you are going to move on with your life and explore what the world has to offer, you have to break the ice.

Breaking the ice is different for women than it is for men.

Men, in order to hurdle your nerves and uncertainties, you must take a certain perspective on rejection and reward. Dating is a matter of playing the odds.

Five predictors of transforming a relationship into a romantic relationship include: proximity, similarities in values, education level, economic status and shared level of attraction (predictive analytics).

Online dating works because it widens your proximity radius. Simply, the dating pool is not confined to the people you work with and the hobbies you engage in. Online dating can be a valuable resource to expand your experience but all the filters you put on your profile still won’t prevent you from going to diner and sitting across from someone that is totally wrong for you.

So, men, play the odds by putting yourself into environments that attract the type of mate you are looking for. If you are looking to get laid, a bar is a great place to go or continue to online date. If you are looking for a companion, stick to events that occur between the hours of seven in the morning to ten at night.

Also, if online dating works for you, keep doing it.

At some point you are going to have to interact face to face. So, when you break the ice do so by being inquisitive. All dates must be initiated somehow. This happens one of three ways. First, someone else sets up the date. Second, you initiate the date. Third, much like cold-calling, you initiate on the spot where you are.

The third is the most difficult. In this situation be inquisitive by engaging your person-of-interest’s helping mechanism. Break the ice by asking if the coffee she is drinking is good, ask how to get somewhere, or ask where she got her purse because you are looking for a present for your sister. Be inventive. Use what is going on in the moment to formulate your question. Then the ice will be broken and you just have to ask the big question: “Will you go to dinner with me?”

If you did a good job breaking the ice it is now a whiskey on the rocks or included in whatever drink you and your date are socializing over.

Women, the burden of ice-breaking weighs heavier on those assuming the masculine role. So, if you are a masculine female, then follow the instructions above. But, if you are more feminine than masculine, all you have to do to break the ice is look good. Look really good. That being said, looking good is subjective. So, dress in a way that makes you feel good. You can rock your yoga pants and sports bra and feel great.

The point is, work what the good Lord gave you. If you’ve got great lips, cover them in red lipstick. If you have massive and juicy hips, wrap them in great fitting jeans. The list goes on and it goes something like: long legs; short skirt, boobs of any kind; no bra or push-up bra with a deep v-neck shirt, and extraordinary hygiene!

If you do this, consider the ice broken because the fact is no one can look at you and see your award-winning personality. You get to show that off in the courtship portion of dating.  

Keep’em interested

After the first date is locked-in and completed, the assessment period begins. The first months of dating are all about data collection. It is about discovering similarities and differences. Then like a game of go-fish you match up your similarities with the other person.

Ladies, this is where you take the lead because chances are you are both interested in sex.  The natural order of things dictates that sex happens when the woman allows it to or when both parties agree to consensually engage in orgasm making.

Men you have a trump card as well called defining the relationship. Trust me; ladies are thinking about where the relationship is going to go long before they ever met you. In fact, that is true of both sexes.

 At some point everyone thinks, “Am I going to get laid?” “Am I going to be in a committed relationship?” “Am I going to get married?” “Where can I find the relationship that is going to alleviate all the suffering I am feeling from being single and make my life better; where the f**k is it?!”

I’ll tell you where it is. It is between the intersection of giving up the goods and getting the commitment. Here is the kicker, if your version of winning is getting laid, then you only have to be interesting for a short while. If your version of winning is gaining and sustaining a long-term partnership then you have to keep’em interested.

Women, keep’em interested by holding onto the goods. Go old-school and keep a dime squeezed between your knees for at least the first few weeks. Get to know the person you are dating. Get to know them in a variety of settings. Observe them interacting with your friends, your family and your pets. And when making a connection to another person make sure to stay connected with yourself. Trust your heart.

Men, keep’em interested by taking the lead. Plan the dates. Pay for outings. Introduce your lover to things you love. Make your values known. Decide your deal breakers ahead of time and write them down because there is nothing like the lure of pussy or dick to cloud your judgment. Trust your gut.

Be genuine and you will create a genuine bond. But, if you plan to fake it until you make it, you might make it fake.

Lock it down

Oh joy! You found someone who likes you and whose company you really enjoy. Now you have to ask yourself, “How long do I want to enjoy this person for and if I stop enjoying them do I have enough trust in the relationship to stick with it?” Gulp.

No one is going to be all in one-hundred present of the time. But, if you both are into each other enough to want to “see where this goes”, then it is time to lock it down.

This is the agreement stage of dating meaning that you mutually decide the terms of engagement. This is where you blend all parts you with all parts them and bake a relationship. Ain’t noth’n like some home cook’n!

For some people this is the winning stage. “I finally have a significant other to hold my hand, to be with me, to love and have sex with.” This stage can be equated with arrival. It can feel good because it can seemingly take the sting of uncertainty out of your future.

This can be both thrilling and terrifying but mostly it is a pit-stop along the road of life. Getting into and out of relationships or maintaining a life-long romance plays out like the seasons. Everything ebbs and flows.

Sometimes things get stuck. We get stuck in the past. We get hung up with the future.

In order to truly win, you have to do two things.

First, you must always take care of yourself. Treat yourself with kindness. Know that you will not have all the answers and that is okay. Be understanding of your shortcomings so that you don’t project them into your environment or onto your partner. And do your best.

Second, winning is a balance between maintaining your focus and letting go of control. Look up the serenity prayer and read its message until it resonates in your bones.

Also, the real tip to winning is that there is no real formula except to try and try again.

Finally, sing the Rolling Stones’ lyrics with me: You don’t always get what you want, you can try sometimes, but you just might find; you get what you need!

Author’s Note: Different parameters may apply to various sexual orientations. I did my best to write this article in an inclusive manner. May everyone win at least once in their life (if not more). Tutti il’mio amore.


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Ed: Bryonie Wise

{Photo: via Pinterest}

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