I Want to Love Again. ~ Edith Lazenby

Via Edie Lazenby
on Aug 26, 2013
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women and mountains

Standing on a ledge but cannot look down.

I don’t fear heights. I won’t jump or fall. I am just firmly planting my feet to see what I can feel and feel what I cannot see.

I am afraid. I am afraid of a depth I know but cannot touch. I am afraid of touching what is raw in my heart because the beat goes on with or without love. I am afraid of what I have lost and may not find. I am terrified.

This is not the terror of madness. This is the terror of sanity. This is the terror of looking truth in the eye and realizing I could go blind.

So I stand on this ledge of image and metaphor and dig in my heels and bite my nails. I am ridding myself of all the edges. I want to reach in without any sharps to make what’s hurt won’t bleed more. I want to reach in and find a nugget to take me through the night so I can face tomorrow. I want to find calm my fingertips feel and my heart does not. I want to shred the rage until it becomes flower petals.

I want to love again.

I want passion to bud in me…not the passion of rage but the passion of caring so deeply for who I am I will do anything and everything to soften.

I want to soften in the arms of a love I trusted, and trust again. I want to soften into a dream of memory of what used to be, even when it wasn’t. I want to soften into my anguish and find all my parts until I am whole.

I want to be whole. I want to settle the score in my third eye that needs to see past the grief. I want to see what is true and what is false. I want to rise from the ashes and find my wings. I want to fly.

I want to fly beyond this moment into a moment of holding all I am on the ledge and look down and know this ledge belongs to no one else. It’s mine. I want to see all that is below and embrace all that is above and realize there is nothing beyond now.

I want now to give me ease. I want to hold now with tenderness. I want to take the seed of love I know and give it light and water. I want to know healing takes time. I want time. I want to give what I know and know it will be seen for what it is:

A heart cracked open willing to bleed.


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Ed: Sara Crolick


About Edie Lazenby

Edith Lazenby's first love is poetry. Her second is yoga. Life unrolls in ways she could have never have imagined. She loves to love and live life daringly. Leap and the net will appear is how the saying goes but they don't tell you what to do after it disappears. Edith lives in Baltimore with her cat, Cucumber. She works all the time, it seems, these days. Life is good. Blessings are many.


6 Responses to “I Want to Love Again. ~ Edith Lazenby”

  1. Karen Wright says:

    Beautiful, thank you Edie

  2. Edie says:

    Glad you enjoyed!

  3. Janet says:

    Wow. Me too, Edie.

  4. Edie says:


  5. elainemansfield says:

    Of course, I'm reminded of Leonard Cohen's lyrics that I use with every bereavement group I run (and loss through divorce is just as hard and sometimes harder than loss through death).
    Ring the bells that still can ring
    Forget your perfect offering
    There is a crack in everything
    That's how the light gets in.

    Or Rumi: “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

    Thanks for a beautiful article.

  6. Edie says:

    Glad you liked it so glad we connected!