I’m the kind of person that likes my space.
Empty house? Vacation! No mess, no noise, no obligation to anyone but myself.
I figured, when I travel, my man would feel the same. He can be as messy as he wants, eat whatever he wants without my evil eye, go to bed as late as he wants—no nagging wife.
Not the case. My man wants me around and he wants to feel needed.
Is it true that men need to feel needed in order to feel important?
In the old days, women were the needy ones. They were often homemakers, meaning they were not bringing in the money. So they relied on their husbands for cash to buy groceries, household supplies and clothing and to have adult conversation.
But over the last few decades, that model has shifted. We’re out there doing our thing. We’re strong. We’re independent. We’re movin’ and groovin’ in our own way. And often times, that takes us away from our man.
I admit it: I can be chilly in my lack of need for my man. Distant, when I don’t mean to be. I’m a powerhouse. I’m not afraid to say it. And that makes me less reliant on my man for emotional needs. And bummer for him—it’s making him feel less and less significant.
It’s a strange twist of events. There are more women are out there, claiming the life they want, and not realizing how their new found independence is affecting their men.
If your guy is like mine, he doesn’t want to look needy or “girly” so he’ll stay quiet, slowly growing more and more resentful.
So there I am. Oblivious. Honestly believing he wanted me to be more self-reliant. I thought he’d be psyched that I’m doing my own thing and needing him less.
Men need to feel needed.
And to them, a woman who doesn’t need them is as bad as a woman who is too needy.
Men need to be needed. And while the needs of these powerhouse women have become smaller and smaller, the needs of their men ain’t really changing. Our men need us to need them, to feel like their job as a partner is being done.
And, so the saga continues. So what should you do? Especially if you are one of these bad-ass women like me, craving independence and freedom?
Love on your man.
Let him know you need him. It’s that simple. ‘Cause what good is any relationship if you’re in it alone? Give him a call while you’re away. Tell him your stories. Ask him for advice.
Let your man know the ways in which you need him and let him be the man.
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Ed: Catherine Monkman