5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Really Loved.

Via Damien Bohler
on Sep 29, 2013
get elephant's newsletter


relephant: Why Your man Needs to feel Needed. 

Below is a list of ways that a woman can really touch a deep place within me.

While I am only speaking for myself and not all men, I have a feeling that at least some—if not most—of this will be pretty universal.

A woman who cares about me enough to pay attention in the way I outline below is where I want to be. I’m just another human being wanting to know that I am safe, that I am appreciated and loved for who I am, that I am welcome and wanted on this planet to share my gifts and give my own love.

1. Get to know me.

One of the most beautiful gifts I have discovered that I am able to give another is my full presence. To listen and observe and show them that I see them, really see them and appreciate who they are and what they bring forward. To give this kind of attention to a woman can be like watching a flower blossom in real time.

There is no experience I have ever had that is quite like being truly seen and heard in the moment. I want to give that and I want to receive it. If you wish to be memorable to me, if you want to inspire my unending devotion, then get to know me—see me, hear me and let me know you see me.

I am certain you would be surprised by the levels of depth and tenderness that we men can contain within us and sometimes hide from the world because we aren’t yet sure how it will be received.

2. Enjoy the way I move.

As a man one of the biggest sources of joy for me is in using my body to get stuff done somehow. Whether it’s chopping wood, carrying stuff around, playing sports, martial arts, rock climbing, running through the forest or some other activity, I feel the most alive when my body is being used.

Move with me, watch me and enjoy me. Let me know you like it. Tell me I’m sexy when I move and you will stir my passions into a frenzy. As a woman I know you are probably pretty used to people admiring and complementing you for your physicality. As a man I am a lot less used to it and it can really mean a lot to me.

3. Tell me how I impact you.

If you have butterflies in your stomach when you are with me, if your heart beats a little faster when I say or do something, if kissing me turns you on—then tell me. Tell me how you feel when you are with me and I will feel closer to you, so much closer. I want to know that I mean something and that me being in the world changes your experience of it.

I can remember every single time a woman has shared this with me, it means that much.

4. Follow me into my cave.

There are going to be times when the world overwhelms me, when I feel incapable, when something hurts and my natural instinct is to withdraw and be alone.

I’m told as a man that I have to do it on my own, that I have to be strong and confident and never show my weaknesses. So in times of difficulty I will retreat, and if you really care about me then don’t leave me alone. Come and see me, call me, check in on me and ask if I am okay.

Don’t be surprised if I don’t want to talk. Don’t think that means I want you to go away though. Just be there for me. Maybe all I need is to be held and to know that you wont leave me if I can’t do it all. We all need to be held sometimes. And if you stay with me, if you show me that it’s okay for me to be vulnerable I might open up and tell you.

This is not going to be an easy thing to do, so please be patient. You will probably be rewarded with my undying loyalty. We men never forget those who are there for us in times of difficulty.

5. Talk about “stuff” with me sometimes.

As men and women we perceive the world differently, and that difference is a beautiful thing.

Your world is more feeling based, subtle and dynamic, prone to rapid changes in a way that boggles me at times. I’m doing my best to follow you, learn about you and enjoy the unique way you are.

And sometimes I want to talk about “stuff” with you. Depending on who I am is going to determine what that stuff is—it may be extreme sports, martial arts or the latest spiritual philosophy I have been studying, yet I want to talk about the details of it.

Indulge me! Ask questions and maybe even debate about it with me. I will probably get really excited in a way that might be confusing to you. This is a part of me as a man and I want to share it with you as much as I do everything else. Even better is to tell me you enjoy it when I talk about this stuff.

(Although be careful: saying this will be a signal for me to do more of it!)



On the flip side (relephant):

5 Ways to Make a Woman Feel Really Loved.


“Compassion is not having any hesitation to reflect your light on things.” ~ Chögyam Trungpa

Buy him a craft beer from this mindful company:

Bonus: How to be a Man: 




Like elephant Love on Facebook.


Edited by: Ben Neal


About Damien Bohler

Damien Bohler is a nomadic soul increasingly delighted by his existence on this strange and wonderful planet. He enjoys writing, climbing trees, walking barefoot, permaculture, integral theory and holding optimistic idealism for the potential of the human species. You can like his Facebook page and be informed about his upcoming book series "Evolutionary Relating", read his other writings at his website, MonkeysCorner or be his Facebook friend .


64 Responses to “5 Ways to Make a Man Feel Really Loved.”

  1. Greenspirit says:

    Loved the article! It is honest and it is, in my opnion, the naked truth.Thank you for writing this.

  2. Cheryl says:

    I could have written this. These are all things that I want too. I wish you well and hope you find them someday.

  3. Pati says:

    This was a great article. Thank you. I do agree that it articulates some of what women want as well… I think most of this is simply universal. It also reinforces that I am finally doing something right in my current relationship, that I am growing and maturing, and learning from my own mistakes.

  4. Jennifer says:

    I did all those & in the 8 years that we were together he could not tell me the “L” word because it was to weird to tell me. Even after being married for 5 of those years he couldn’t let me, his wife be passionate with him. Trying to kiss him passionately, intimately was too weird for him. I told him, showed him as much as I could that he could be his complete raw, vulnerable, naked self & he didn’t have to worry about anything with me. I loved him for who he was/is inside not for anything else. He could never open up it’s still too scary. What else could I possibly have done.

  5. Child Care says:

    I think thi is mong the so much significant information for
    me. And i am happy studying your article. Butt wanna observation on some common issues,
    The web site taste is great, the aryicles is in reality excellent :
    D. Goodd job, cheers

  6. Geri says:

    Appreciate tthe recommendation. Let me try itt out.

  7. Cyndi says:

    Sadly, did them all and things still didn't work out. Feeling cynical about love right now because I feel hurt.

  8. Nana says:

    Thanks for the tips, it will help me make my man feel loved 🙂 By the way i started to understand him more since i use the happycoupleapp, it's very useful 🙂

  9. crazyraisie says:

    Loved reading your list! thank you for sharing 5 great ideas how as a woman we can reach a man emotionally and spiritually. look forward to reading more of your ideas

  10. Bibi says:

    Thank you, this was meaningful and tender….

  11. Vera Aniston says:

    I am another individual that Akpe Osilama awesome has reached. A lot of us have desired love, wealth, luck and all but it always a step too far to reach or the chance never come our way and then it all became a dream nothing more that just a dream. Akpe Osilama the greatest enchanter i have ever known because he is the only one i know helped transform my dream into reality he helped me with an enchantment that made the one that i love find his love for me after wait forever in love with him. We've been best friend even before we could speak , we played together got in trouble together made silly promises at least we kept it but one i could not keep one. I could not stay friends with him forever, i didn't want to just be his friend i wanted more i wanted him to love just as loved him but he saw me as just a friend or he didn't want to admit he was also in love with me because it was obvious we sync perfectly made the same gestures, always in each other arm we were like lover that don't make love . I was always a step behind when it came to letting him know how and what i felt about him. I wanted him to be the one to tell to say to me that he loved me and has always did. I wish i didn't wait for him i wish i told him maybe it wouldn't have took so long to be with him in first place. Through out our high school and collage years he was the guy every girl wanted to date he was the guy every wanted to give up their v card for and all the while i was the best friend of the guy i was in love with the one he tell all the nasty things he's been doing with them. As hard as it was for me i couldn't complain because we weren't dating even when i wanted it so bad. I always found myself wishing i was the girls on the other side. We shared everything about our life and even told each other thing we never told those we dated. I couldn't keep a stable relationship with any guy they all thought we hang out too much each other and i care for him more. They all left because they knew i was in love with him even when i tried to hide it always surfaced. My love life was a total mess and at first, it was really not a big deal because i thought with each man that come into my life a part of what i felt for him will fade away but it wasn't the case. I found myself not being about to love them enough or always comparing them with him that always led to the death of the relationship. I knew i had to let him know i was in love with him and i knew it was going ruin a our friendship and also his relationship. I hated myself because he was a nice guy but i wanted to know if i had a chance, if we loves me just as much as i loved him but he never told me he was too mad with me for what i did not until Akpe Osilama helped me unveil it. I kinda picked the worst time to let him know about my feeling because he was engaged and i made his fiancée call it off. And for two years we didn't speak he told me he never wanted to see me again and that i was dead to him. I was once again alone with my feeling all my effort to restore what i broke was in vain. I was happy the wedding was called off but was not so much because i didn't get him instead he hated me for what i did. I was really really confused i wanted to stop loving i needed to get him off my mind and over. I was on that quest when i found Akpe Osilama on the Internet read about his work with some people and how they all got their heart desire. I contacted him with this email chiefpriestakpeosilamaspellcast AT yahoo DOT com in the standard email form off course that they left on the Internet he told me the spirit had already told him that i was going to contact him. I only told him about how i was in love with him and what happened when i told him about my feelings but he knew we've best friends since we were kids that i did not tell him he reveal something only yust and i Knew yeah that is his name. Akpe Osilama told me that yust was always in love me like i loved him but he was unaware of his feeling. I asked him to help with with an enchantment that will make him love me and spend the rest of his life with me. All he used for the process was the materials he asked me to provide and after one day he sent a package via courier service which i paid for with content based on the enchantment he had done for me. I did not pay him anything for what he did for he did not ask me for anything. I followed the instruction i was given and just like told me yust was my to love again and i was his to love just like i wanted. Everything happened like the movie only that it was not like it. I mean he was in another state but he came down to let me know he now knew he was in love with and he wanted to love and just love me. It was the best moment of my life i never felt happier than how i felt that day. Just for the record we have being together for a year and two months now and still strong i can even sense a proposer it was one of the thing Akpe Osilama told me will happen.

  12. Teresa says:

    Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    You rock

  13. LSS says:

    Wow. You’re so intuitive for a man. I should have married a man like you!! 😉 Thanks for the extremely insightful article.

  14. Elise Skove says:

    You know, as a woman, I would love it if a man did all of these things for me as well. 🙂