September 20, 2013

Did They Come Into Your Life for a Reason?

We are experiencing a very unique and somewhat uprooting phase of our lives.

I could be speaking from personal growth, and quite frankly, who isn’t?

Every written article has the element of authenticity and inspiration that taps into the very core of our being. We ponder, we process and we process some more. Trust me, I’m the queen of processing.

I never used to think of myself as much of a thinker when it comes to making decisions. I would simply fly by the seat of my pants, hope for a successful outcome, and that would be all.

This part of me never dies.

I am a free spirit. I still have a gypsy-like nature that wants to explore and take adventures and throw caution to the wind. But, I have partnered with a man who shows me more of myself in a practical way. Do I fight it, get defensive, act rebellious, and want more than what meets the eye? Of course I do. That is who I am.

Do I love with my heart, act from my soul, have compassion and kindness for those suffering?

More than you can imagine.

There is a true and scientific research-based theory on the Imago partnership (the mirror relationship), which is what is going on right now. Imago means “image” in Italian, and the author and psychologist, Harville Hendrix, made a name for himself by writing several books about his own experiences in life, love, and partnerships.

I read all those books awhile back. And now, fast forward to me having this exact experience my very own Imago partnership. This current man of mine is the person who I need to share my life with. I am seeing my own self in this symbiotic partnership going through some pretty heavy stuff.

It’s not his stuff. It is my own stuff. He has brought my whole self into the limelight.

As uncomfortable as that is, I am eternally grateful for who he is. Mainly, I am eternally grateful for who I am and have become. We are in the Imago relationship. We mirror each other. When one finger is pointing at the other, four fingers are pointing right back at me.

I am sweating simply writing about this. It conjures up all kinds of internal rumblings.

Does he possess characteristics and qualities pertaining to past life figures within my psyche? Yes and yes. Was I to partner with him to completely and fully be present in this lifetime to understand and acknowledge aspects of myself? Yes and yes. Troubling to admit, but this is why I love him. This is why we have grown like peas in a pod.

We are not in this to look for love. We are in this to heal each other. That is our responsibility in a symbiotic relationship. We come to heal. We love. We compromise.

The compromising portion of any partnership begins to form after the lusting phase is over. Now that we are aware of our dynamic, we learn that who we are comes in many shades and takes on interesting twists. But, the core of our being is authentic. It isn’t always pretty. But, that is who we are.

We give and we take. We allow and we offer. It is equal.

We are not here to meet any expectations or conditions. We are here to love and respect each other. We are here to be our true selves. Getting through the years of this growth has been one deal, one negotiation, and one compromise after another.

It is not fair for either partner to over-compromise, as that alone is setting us up for doom and gloom and resentment. But pounding our fists on the table, stomping our feet to make a point, crossing our arms over our chests to display body language that is closed off, talking while the other is speaking, never truly listening—it is like we are children busting at the seams. We are the caterpillars emerging from the cocoon, and ready to spread our beautiful wings.

I will be the first to admit that when I’m not fully heard, I have to exit stage left for a moment. I don’t like conflict at all; worldly or any other. Lately though, I have stuck it out. I have stayed in the drama to admit the parts of me that were dormant and hidden. My partner sees this. He is exhibiting the same behavior. We are observing and mirroring and disagreeing and running. True Imago partners, we are.

Here is the light though; Imago partnerships love more deeply than ever.

They have found each other to heal each other. They exhibit free will. They have respect. They nurture and support the growth of the other.

Usually in some phase of the relationship, there is the tendency to “run” as it gets too heavy and scary. I have done that over and over again. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t quit. I was here at this place and time to learn, grow, evolve, and deliver my best authentic self.

Am I doing that?

I feel I am, and have so much more to go. Still processing……

I thank Mother Earth for allowing me this opportunity to be in an Imago partnership; to learn how to compromise without over-compromising, to see more of my shadowed self, to know that what I put out always comes back in one way or another; and to gather my own data as to stay true to myself, follow my heart, and be on a path that fosters creativity, inspiration, and an incredible love for the human experience.

I believe if we all took a moment to look inside we would be more than grateful for who we are.

Your symbiotic partnership is a blessing.

Take it for what it’s worth, but never dismiss the importance of why this person showed up when he or she did. There is a reason for everything. This just happens to be a real prime time for waking up.  We are here to heal old childhood wounds.

Let us all balance each other out in a loving, caring way.


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Ed: Catherine Monkman

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Gerry Ellen Oct 6, 2013 9:56pm

Wow, Mary! I love your comment here. The fight or flight syndrome is so apparent in true soul relationships. They can be somewhat of a roller coaster, and probably the most intense partnership ever. But, giving up might be worse than showing up. Thank you for your thoughts. Sounds like you are doing all the right things….p.s. I'm menopausal too!

mary Oct 4, 2013 12:00pm

finally got around to reading this and cried my eyes out! I just turned 49, am menopausal lol thus the crying jag… hes 54. Weve both been so wounded as children and in adult relationships. The fight or flight syndrome has kicked in repeatedly in the two years since weve met, always the flight cause neither of us are fighters. I see clearly tho that we have been meant to be in each others lives as we keep returning, show up real and are learning to fight, yes fight, and not flight, for what is real and good and healing so that we can be our true selves for each other and in this life in general…Wow

Gerry Ellen Sep 20, 2013 7:49am

Thank you for your comment, Lyn. I so appreciate you opening up a little piece of what's happening with you. It's not always easy, but it definitely breathes new life into ourselves. Thanks again!

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Gerry Ellen

Gerry Ellen is an author, freelance writer, and wellness consultant. She recently launched her own gig called *8 Paws Wellness with Gerry Ellen* which combines all of her passions (outdoors, yoga, strength, meditation, writing, dogs, fun!) Her first novel Ripple Effects was published in March 2012. As a regular contributor to elephant journal, Be You Media Group, Light Workers World, Meet Mindful, Tattooed Buddha and Rebelle Society, she also balances incredible friendships, heart-centered connections, and sharing her experiences of life and love. These are the things that matter to her most. Her second book A Big Piece of Driftwood, published in April 2014, is also available on Amazon.com.