5.7
October 13, 2013

Beware! 10 Things that don’t make you a Hipster & One Thing that Does.

For more: The Evolution of the Hipster.

Hipster much? Hipsters in a good way are idiosyncratic lovers of craft. Hipsters in a bad way are ethics-lite followers of fads!

Don’t worry: these 10 things don’t make you a Hipster.

1. Cool Glasses: a) cheap and Made in China or b) pricey carved out of wood or bone bought in some sweet Made in USA boutique. Neither one makes gives you a case of hipsteritis.

2. Shoes: Converse (owned by Reebok, or Nike, like, whatever: and totally made in China) or Toms Shoes or beat Vans or even old dinged classy classic Wingtips bought secondhand or even even going barefoot won’t get you access to the cool hipster clubs, ’cause there aren’t any (more on that below).

3. Tight jeans. ‘Nuff said.

4. Funny Outfits: American Apparel bold craycrazy outfits: gold lame tights, bright pink whatever; jokey outfits of all kinds, ridiculously sloganed old tee shirts.

5. Etc: PBR or better yet microbrew, a slight gut, a tramp stamp, a healthy sense of irony and a willingness to make a fool out of your showboating attention-seeking self

6. Etc etc: a crazy silly hat or headdress at concert or wearing a knit cap in fucking summer. A spinning thread habit, a cocaine habit. A pipe, a handsome beard.

7. Etcetera: a big scarf kinda thing, a v neck, the latest whatever music no one’s heard of and/or listening to old school classic stuff that nobody else knows about

8. Etcetera etcetera: a Mac Laptop, a fancy grinder, bangs or afro, grandpa sweater

9. Etcetera: a Ball Jar, a Fixie

10. And, or: 50s style bold makeup, anything wonderful that’s Filson or Pendleton or lesser known brands you probably don’t know about that go way back or are brand new and do things right.

Why? Because (True) Hipsterism isn’t about things. It isn’t about style. It isn’t about external. It isn’t about being cool.

It isn’t even about being environmentally responsible, or reading great poetry, or bicycling, or drinking amazing coffee, or all the great things it sometimes is about.

Why? Because it’s about a fundamental ethos: finding, searching, for one’s own truth. Being open, raw, respectful, cheerful, genuine. So it’s not about being cool: it’s about being hot: raw, foolish, excited, bold, silly, sad, caring. As Kerouac, that sad happy loner and coward and brave soul said, it’s about the ones Mad to Live.

So: the One Thing that does make you a true hipster: being yourself, marching to the beat of your own drummer, being modest about the things you deeply care about, caring about things deeply, and blowing your soul out into the room as if you’re playing a trumpet.

Relephant awesome:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NPdeJ_X0YU

Relephant (and NSFWish, so don’t show this to your parents):

Relephant bonus: 

10 Signs you’re a true Hipster.

“Whoever is doing this Hipster Barbie thing, it’s hilarious.”

How to do your own weird thing and make a living doing so:

Just when you thought craft beer couldn’t get any more hipster…

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