This is a poem I wrote on a sticky day in a ramshackle guesthouse in the backpackers’ haven of Chiang Mai.

After travelling for six months visiting yoga retreats, meditation centres and Buddhist monasteries, I had just a week or so left before I was going home.

Living only from my income from my Global Yogi website, money was tight, and one hot afternoon I tried to take out my remaining money from the ATM. The machine didn’t spit out any money, but it did deduct it from my account! So I was left to fend for myself that day with just 35 Baht (about 10 cents).

A trip like this one was something I had wanted to do for a long time. I had wanted to have the time and space to contemplate my inner life and make some progress on sorting out some of my ‘stuff’! With the help of the many wonderful teachers and friends I met along the way, I was able to do this. So this poem is about looking back on my journey and seeing how far I had travelled—in both the physical and spiritual planes.

Deeper Inside

Practising presence
In the depth of the night
In the heat of the sticky afternoon.

Feeling the essence
Under fluorescent light
Of a mind softened by suffering and gloom.

Here I am stopped
Laid bare on back-aching springs
With but 35 Baht to my name.

Taking a break at last
From this thing we call life.

Seeking solace from within the game.

Should I venture out…
Amongst the noise and the haste
Of Samsara in all its resplendent bloom?

Or should I stay here enclosed
Enveloped by my green shroud
In vain intent to keep karma at bay…?

Six months have I wandered
Under scorching suns and flooding rains.

Six months have I pondered
And meditated upon.

The innermost secrets of my soul’s dark refrain.

And where has it led you?
Well may you enquire
Did the winds blow the cobwebs away?

Deeper inside must I go
Equipped with torch and miner’s hat
To chisel away at the rock.

Deeper inside must I go
Sure of foot, strong in faith
Shining my light on all that I see.

Deeper inside must I go
Pure in heart, empty in mind
Slowly chipping away at all remaining traces, of me.

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Asst. Editor: Meagan Edmondson / Editor: Catherine Monkman

{Photo: elephant journal media.}