February 13, 2014

Conscious Men Series: Ladies, We Want You Just the Way You Are.


I was recently asked what I wanted in a woman, what I desired in a partner and what type of woman I could see myself with.

I figured it was time to answer that question.

My initial response is that I don’t know what I am looking for—but I will know when I find it.

See, in my current state of consciousness, I am deftly aware of the feelings I feel. I’m not talking about just the usual feelings of sexual excitement I feel when in the presence of an attractive woman; I’m talking about each and every soulful issuance of energy. Whether we call it “emotion” or “feeling” or “intuition” or “instinct”, we are often given a very clear indication of what our clear path is when we’ve reached it.

Yes, for all you negative Nancy’s out there, soulful communication will also be expressed in when you’ve discovered something you don’t want—it is just as important to listen to that message too.

During most of my life, I’ve listened to others in what I should and shouldn’t do; what was right or wrong, good or bad. Even when no one else was around I heard the voices, often in the form of my parents, the Bible, or my peers as they pretty much told me their own stories of truth and certainty.

It wasn’t until I discovered that what appeared to be their own truth and certainty was nothing more than a sham, they had more doubts and uncertainty than I did, that I began the process of listening to my own voice.

How does that translate into my Now where relationships are concerned? I’ve discovered a truth inside of me that is unequivocal and undeniable. I may not be able to describe what I want, but I will certainly know when I’ve found it.

In that understanding, what I want is for everyone in my space to simply be who they are. Natural, honest, and with fearless integrity to their own word. I sum it up like this:

“Know thyself, I beg of you, so that I may know you too.”

Knowing ourselves as fully as possible is the single greatest gift we can give to others. It allows them to know us fully, and for us to know them through eyes cleared of a past fog. It allows us to hear our soul’s voice clearly, and allows us to listen without the interference of false prophets.

Truly, though, I want to know you, not the version of you instilled by your parents (although I accept that this may be the best possible “you” you can achieve). It’s when I get to know you, see you, smell you and experience all that you are that I can know if what I found in you is what I truly want.

I’ll know it, because I will feel it, and I will know the way I want you because I will feel that too.

So, ladies, I may not speak for all conscious men (although I have a sinking feeling I may), but I can say that I want you just the way you are. That may not mean I want you sexually, or romantically, or even as my friend, but I do want you just the way you are. (A Granny Smith apple pretending to be a Red Delicious apple will only taste more bitter when I finally get a bite.)

Truly conscious men (again, disclaimer) don’t want you pretending to be all rosy when the thorns have pricked your finger.

Truly conscious men don’t want you dancing in the fields to a song others are playing for you.

Truly conscious men don’t want you rewriting the old, tired rules of a past generation.

Truly conscious men want you fearlessly, unapologetically, and completely who you are. Even if who you are is a pretending plagiarist dancing completely out of sync with the truth around you. We deserve nothing less, and you deserve being with someone whose soul is looking for someone just like you.

I want to like you just the way you are (I love that song, but who doesn’t?).

Mostly, I want to be happy and I can’t be if the two of us are busy trying to get two puzzle pieces that obviously don’t fit to fit. I tried that once on a puzzle, and when the top of the mountain depicted somehow ended up in the middle of tree I realized how silly it was to pretend it fit. I also realize the time I wasted to get that understanding could have been spent actually finding the right piece.

Today I seem to make much better puzzles than I once did and I seem to find much more joy in the assembly.

Finding the right pieces seems so much easier when you open your eyes, and so much more fun when you realize that square pegs will only fit into round holes if you are willing to destroy them both.

Or willing to believe that all trees have mountaintops.


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Editor: Bryonie Wise

Photo: Pixoto/Ivan Kassa

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