The Laws of Breaking Up & Getting Over it.

Via Rebekah Freedom
on Feb 5, 2014
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Git it together Shaun! (Little girl’s break-up letter)

Warning: naughty language ahead.

It is time to turn off the Adele, dump that boxed wine down the drain and take a deep breath.

There is a chance that your break-up is the only break-up known to man to be easy, fun and translate into life-long platonic friendship. The rest of us have to follow the universal and mysterious laws of breaking up. (Damn!)

The laws listed below are a compilation of the best the internet has to offer combined with my own brand of wisdom. Enjoy.

  1. The grief you now feel due to the separation has less to do with the past and more to do with grieving over what could have been, which makes moving forward seem near impossible. Also known as: Break-ups kill the future dead.
  2. You did your best. No, really you did and continue to do your best. Your personal best can also look way different than choosing wisely.
  3. No one has their shit together—not single people, dating people or married people. We are all just faking it.
  4. Saying, “That is their shit and they can deal with it” is really just a cover up for “I don’t know how to handle my own emotions in relation to my relationship.”
  5. Everyone has the right to live their lives the way they see fit. (Cue Guns ‘n’ Roses)
  6. Unconditional love is just letting go of what could be or could have been by appreciating what you have now.
  7. There is no cure for pain. It is just a part of living.
  8. No means no. Maybe means no. The worst thing you can say after a break up is “Well anything is possible.” Possible is not the same as probable.
  9. The truth will set you free but it will also kick your ass!
  10. He is not coming back. She is not coming back. And if they do it is just part of a cycle and not actually a new beginning. (That is a hard one to admit out loud.)
  11. Facebook is not your friend. The new Apple IOS7 is because it has a block caller feature.

  12. A friendship that occurs within the first year after separation is not going to be functional. It just won’t be. I’m not joking about this. What I am saying is that a full year must go by before a healthy friendship can take place.
  13. Yoga and exercise are your real friends; Hulu and Nexflix are not.
  14. No one can understand what you are going through to the extent that you are experiencing it. It is up to you to experience it. (You have no choice—fuck, right?)
  15. There is no replacement for sex or intimacy or intimate sex. It is okay to miss these things.
  16. We learn by being in relationship (even after it ends).
  17. What hurts now will hurt again. That really drives home being thankful for what we have now.
  18. Having sex with your ex is like sticking a fully loaded heroin needle in your arm. It will kill your soul.
  19. You can’t get rid of your ego or any other part of you in order to streamline the grieving process. It is called a process for a reason and not an grieving algorithm. Even if it were an algorithm most of us wouldn’t be able to figure it out and neither would Google!
  20. At some point, everyone is immature; not just your ex.
  21. Fun is important.

  22. God knows a lot about love but I am certain Satan invented dating.
  23. Eventually you will have to get back out there. But, maybe not today.
  24. Most pressures we feel are self-induced. How’s that for pressure?
  25. It could take your whole life to learn to love yourself. The best time to do it is now.
  26. I hate being single. What feels true now might not always be true but when you look back, know that it was true then and don’t try to amend it with what you know now. In other words, you are not a complete dumbass.
  27.  Contrast is our greatest teacher and similarities are what bond us together. Everyone is both all the time to different degrees (brain warp!). A.K.A Right person + wrong time = wrong person.
  28. Growing up is only hard when it becomes a synonymous with growing old. There is a new adventure just around the bend. Ain’t nothing tying yourself down but you. Fuck it! Move to Italy and dare to fall in love (again).
  29.  Breaking up is hard to do.

 

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: stardust7 on Imgur 


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About Rebekah Freedom

Rebekah Freedom McClaskey is a Breakup Specialist and psychic. She offers one-on-one counseling in person and over the phone as well as hosts Breakup Rehab Support Group. She has a master's degree in transpersonal counseling psychology from Naropa University. Rebekah is passionate about using her extensive knowledge of love and relationships to set people free. Listen to her podcast. To work with Rebekah visit her website and catch up with her on Facebook.

Comments

8 Responses to “The Laws of Breaking Up & Getting Over it.”

  1. Jessica says:

    Many excellent points, some good humor, and one amendment. Life is pain your highness – unless you get some good meditation/mindfulness in there hopefully combined with exercise. Thats the only way out of the repeat cycles. Relationships fail in order to teach us something, and gotta work through it.

  2. priyanka says:

    Xcellent article

  3. Sarah says:

    Thank you for #18. I ‘have a friend’ who needed to read that one a few times ☺

  4. Suzy says:

    Very well stated, great article! We can sit and prolong the pain or we can move on and let them see what they really lost. Chin up and move forward. When people are cold and mean, they have bigger issues and you don't need to be a part of it. I love your articles.

  5. Heather says:

    I just moved to Italy to get over a breakup, among other goals, and I can’t communicate how strangely thrilling it wad nodding along to each point and then reading the last part of # 28 … o.O

  6. Megan says:

    YOU are hilarious and helpful. “God knows a lot about love, but I am certain Satan invented dating” Brilliant.

  7. Mandy says:

    It’s hard moving on but sometimes you just have to do it, I can’t make someone talk to me, Shame could of been wonderful. A very good read, and some very valid points.

  8. Terri says:

    When it comes to leaving a man you love due to his drinking a 5th a day. I have struggled for too many years and it's time to go and let him be in the past. It's so very hard though…. This article is good.