We have all heard of the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It’s a great rule, except for one failing. It focuses on action. When I do this, then others do that. And while it’s a formula that is mathematically accurate, real life and people don’t operate like that. Especially when it comes to love. Love does not place an expectation on a loved one to respect in specific ways.

Doing something and expecting a specific result from a loved one is manipulative bribery. It has nothing to do with love.

Be for others the person you would have others be for you.

My guru once told me that I needed to give to others first what I was hoping to receive from them. Over the years that concept has gestated. What is it that I give to others? What is it that I am hoping to receive from them?

The answer came to me that all I have ever wanted is to be fully myself, and loved for who I am.

Am I aware of my shortcomings? Yes. My heart has been broken. I can be a real stick in the mud, obstinate, short-sighted and even mean, ignorant and hateful. These are not traits that I appreciate about myself.

If I am unable to love myself with those traits, how could I ever expect somebody else to love and accept me?

The demand for somebody else to love me better than I am able to love myself is beyond reasonable.

We have all heard the common perception about love where people need to know how to love themselves first and then others will love in return. The question is, can I love myself and the shadow sides of my personality? Can I accept the negative traits of my ego?

In being able to self-accept all of who I am, I become whole.

Once I embrace the shadowy, so-called ugly side of my own personality, I am able to do so with others.

From knowing how to be a person that embraces all of human nature within myself, I am the kind of person who may embrace others as they are. This allows another human, with all their shining beauty and depths of shadows, to approach me and be accepted. The beloved, my family and friends are relieved of pressure to love and accept me because I have done it.

People can only be who they are, nothing more and nothing less.

In this total self-acceptance, I am living the rule of golden love.

To be who I am in my entirety, and allowing others to be fully who they are.

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Image: faultypixel/Flickr.