Dear Husband, If You Do These Things, I’ll Make Your Dreams Come True.

to-do list

I’ve noticed a few small things we do that piss each other off, so, in the spirit of happy partnering, I’ve created a small list of items that I’d like you to take a peek at.

1. Please stop leaving me with two squares of toilet paper.

Because girls poop too.

2.  When you notice that we’re almost out of crackers, cereal, fill-in-the-blank item, would you let me know rather than putting said close-to-empty container back.

Thank you.

3. About your socks: how do they all wind up in little balls in the laundry basket?

4. Hanging up a towel in the bathroom that smells like a wet dog—and looks like one too.

5. Acting like your hours-total bathroom times do not count for alone time.

Okay, before we get too far here, I’d like you to also check out this list, which I’m willing to consider in exchange:

1. I’ll try to not have a blatant “I have ADHD” junk table top right in the middle of our kitchen where we spend nearly all of our time.

2. I’ll keep my cute underwear on for longer than twenty minutes after dinner is over.

Make that ten.

3. I’ll roll up my yoga mat when I practice in various spaces around our house rather than just flopping them over a few times and slapping my hands with a celebratory “well, that’s taken care of.”

4. I’ll put the DVDs back in their cases.

5. I’ll try to even place them back inside of their correct cases.

But, still, husband, I think that neither of us will likely live up to this list for much longer than a day or a week or, perhaps, two months—because these are our quirks and those little idiosyncrasies make up the amazingly awesome individuals who we are.

So, with this in mind, here’s a new list, just for the both of us:

 1. Let’s stop complaining about the things that annoy us in one another—you know, the same ones that we’ve done since before we even met.

Our life will be so much simpler.

2. I’d like us to pause and, in quietness, consider that most of the things that bug us are not by any means “deal breakers” or things that are actually worth being mad about.

3. I still think you should count your bathroom time as alone time, though.

I mean, fair is fair.

4. When I married you I promised to love you for all of the moments in life that are great and horrible too, and, though it is terribly annoying, making it work with two bathroom squares does not probably constitute “the worst of times.”

5. You do most of the laundry anyway, so if you don’t care that your socks get washed in teensy lumps, why should I?

And, lastly, this addendum is largely for that group of women who can’t handle an article being written by a woman and for a woman without complaining that we’re all being lumped together:

6. Yes, for many reading, the situations listed here are not necessarily governed by something as limited as gender or sex.

However, when we discuss these minute aspects of being human, we’re able to connect on a fundamentally profound level that allows us to open up and expose other more important parts of who we are—in short, it’s the start of communication, which makes the world go ’round.

Also, sometimes it’s good to just tilt your head back, show your teeth and laugh a little—or a lot.


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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo:  john.schultz/Flickr

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C. Devlin Mar 11, 2014 10:52am

That was fun, and sweet. I really enjoy reading essays about women that recognize we're all human instead of grousing about everything they think is wrong about men.

Gerry Ellen Mar 9, 2014 4:09pm

This.is.awesome! I couldn't agree more about the deal breakers not being the petty stuff, but let's be honest, two squares of toilet paper is tough to navigate. I'm lucky to be left with a roll somewhere in the near vicinity after the cardboard is already exposed on the paper holder. Although he's not my husband, we still share space and respect and love. And his shoe collection far surpasses Imelda Marcos in her good old days, which continues to amaze me every time I open the closet door. And like you, he does the laundry because I just don't enjoy it at all, so however it comes out of the dryer, I've made peace with it. Thanks for a laugh today, Jennifer!

jack Mar 9, 2014 2:43pm

Thanks for this…….yes, I realize that essentially all these points are really small potatoes in comparison to the bigger issues of relating and relationship, yet I do get the point of how the little things DO reflect on the bigger things and keeping the doors open to clearer, cleaner communicating………besides, I really love the whole humorous feel of all this, and I can sense a twinkle in your eye (or at least, in your computer) as I read this……..

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Jennifer S. White

Jennifer S. White is a voracious reader, obsessive writer, passionate yoga instructor and drinker of hoppy ales. She’s also a devoted mama and wife (a stay-at-home yogi). She considers herself to be one of the funniest people who ever lived and she’s also an identical twin. In addition to her work on elephant journal, Jennifer has over 40 articles published on the wellness website MindBodyGreen and her yoga-themed column Your Personal Yogi ran in the newspaper Toledo Free Press. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in geology, absolutely no degrees in anything related to literature, and she currently owns a wheel of cheese. If you want to learn more about Jennifer, make sure to check out her writing, as she’s finally put her tendencies to over-think and over-share to good use. Jennifer is the author of The Best Day of Your Life, available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. She’s also as excited as a five year old to announce the release of her second book, The Art of Parenting: Love Letters from a Mother, available on Amazon.