May 1, 2014

Question: “If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? (or in an Unhappy Relationship?)”


When Saturn transits your 7th House, you may find the answer. (See the end of this article to find out where Saturn is in your birth chart.)

If you’re single, you may be feeling lonely because you don’t have a love relationship in your life. Saturn energies can make you depressed about being alone.

If this is the case, Saturn’s lesson is about getting you in touch with the limitations and restrictions that may be prohibiting you from finding the right relationship. In your attempts to find the right one, something maybe wrong in the way you’ve gone about it; so now is the time to ask yourself what it might be.

I remind clients who feel a bit down when Saturn transits their 7th House to remember that it’s only temporary. Saturn’s presence is there to help you re-evaluate any changes you might make that would bring a love relationship into you life.

If you spend too much time by yourself, perhaps it’s time to get out of the house and socialize with others.

If you’re so critical that no one seems interesting, maybe it’s time a meet different people or re-evaluate your standards. Or, maybe it’s time to come to terms with whether you actually want a romantic partner in your life. Saturn is there to encourage some change that will help you get what you want.

If you’ve been dating someone exclusively, seeking a long-term relationship, this can be a serious and intense time of deciding to have a committed love relationship in the form of marriage or living together. Or, it maybe time to be realistic and recognize that you are not in a relationship that will lead to the long-run commitment you want. Saturn’s message: Review and re-evaluate your relationships (or lack of).

Being Single & Looking for the “Perfect Mate”

In my astrological consultations I meet with lots of single people who sincerely want to find a wonderful love relationship, get married and build a life with someone. Many of them are frustrated that after dating so long and having numerous relationships, they still haven’t found the right one.

In fact, I frequently get asked: “How come it’s so hard for me to find the right guy (or gal)?” Of course, their personal birth chart usually reveals the answer. I explain to them, “Saturn transiting through your 7th House may provide you with an answer to that question, along with some important insights to consider.”

Saturn brings realism and practicality to the affairs of your heart. If you’ve been frustrated in your attempt to find a special love relationship, you need to make an honest assessment of yourself and your attitude towards the romantic prospects you’re meeting. One question to ask yourself is: “Are you too picky and critical when it comes to selecting a potential mate?”

If your answer is yes, then it may be time to be more accepting of yourself and your own imperfections. By doing so, you’ll be more likely to not seek perfection in another person. This will allow you to make an adjustment from what may be unrealistic standards to ones that are more reasonable and attainable. You’ll suddenly open up the field of relationship possibilities and find it far easier to meet partners who are compatible and potential mates.

When I was single, I remember periods of endless dating, never finding the right woman for me. Part of my problem was that I was “stuck” on my list of criteria I insisted a woman meet before I would consider her for a relationship. Many of my wants were important, but many were not. I had a specific picture of how the perfect woman had to be. I came to realize that picture guaranteed I would be a lonely bachelor forever. Eventually, I changed my picture and the most amazing love relationship I’ve could have ever imagined came into my life.

Ask yourself: Is it time for you to let go of certain relationship requirements that in the past were fixed, in order to make it possible to achieve the goal of having a close relationship? If you genuinely do this, you’ll allow marriage to be a distinct possibility that might not have been possible before Saturn transited your 7th House. If you’re willing to make these adjustments, Saturn’s influence in your life has the ability to make a relationship show up in reality.

You may know a single person who has unrealistically high standards and who’s always critical of the people they date. Often, their critical behavior is based on deep-rooted psychological issues, which may require therapy and counseling to help them resolve their issues. But for others, they may need to adjust their standards from perfection to human. Ironically, such a person may attract a relationship into their life that they find totally exciting and captivating.

In fact, they’re sure they have finally found the perfect soul mate—their ideal marriage partner, only to ultimately find that the other person was unsuitable and not really a good match for them. They’re disappointed that the person didn’t measure up to their expectations, yet they failed to realize that it was their expectations that caused their dissatisfaction—not the other person. You can change your expectations but you can’t change the other person.

If you’ve had this experience, especially during Saturn’s transit to your 7th House, it’s an opportunity for you to take responsibility for your inability to find a suitable partner. Never forget: when you have a relationship with someone who ends up not meeting your standards, the common denominator is you! Therefore, it’s time to re-examine your approach to love relationships, your criteria and expectations. The energies of Saturn will help you become realistic and find a new approach to bringing a love relationship into your life.

A Call to Be Realistic

As Saturn went through Arnie’s 7th House, he was at a crossroads in his life, as far as love relationships were concerned. He was 47, never been married and still on the hunt for the perfect woman whom he described, “as being a tall, thin, blonde, and at least 20 years younger” than he. He ignored the fact that he was short, balding and 30 lbs. overweight. He thought his wealth would act as compensation for all of his physical shortcomings. So far, years of unsuccessful dating suggested that Arnie was incorrect in his assumption. His wealth was not a trade-off or sufficient compensation to the many women he had one or two dates with that never worked out.

Arnie was even more discouraged after his most recent experience. He was enthralled with a woman very junior to him who he described as a real babe. Arnie was sure he’d finally found the young goddess he was looking for. He rationalized to himself, so what if her vocabulary seemed to be mostly confined to one-syllable words and constant exclamations of, “Oh my God…Oh my God!” Within a month it was clear she was more interested in Arnie’s wealth than in Arnie.

Arnie and I discussed his birth chart and why he was having no luck meeting the future Mrs. Arnie. Saturn in the 7th House is a call to get serious, be realistic and to re-define what you want in a relationship. I candidly explained to Arnie that his birth chart showed him to be someone who was superficial and unrealistic in the area of romance. Worse yet, he had the natal chart of someone whose orientation toward women was extremely critical and perfectionistic.

In simple terms, it was clear: no woman was ever good enough for him because he wanted perfection. He found a convenient way to sabotage his relationships and delude himself by saying that he wanted to get married, despite having a dysfunctional mindset that assured he never would.

I was totally frank with him and counseled, “Arnie, you can continue your life with the same inappropriate behavior and unrealistic attitudes towards women, for another 20 years if you desire. Or you could face reality and accept that your criteria for choosing a woman for a romantic relationship must change and become more mature and realistic. It’s time for you to be honest with yourself and decide if you really want to have a long-term relationship in your life.” Arnie said he would seriously think about what he wanted to do.

For someone like Arnie, therapy might also be an option, if he sincerely wants to create a change within himself so an appropriate relationship can come into his life. Unfortunately, like many people, Arnie doesn’t appear to be ready to take responsibility for the results he’s receives from his life experiences. He’s more committed to the problem than devoted to its solution.

Saturn’s energies make you serious and ready to look at the issues that have adversely affected your ability to have a satisfying relationship. You then have the opportunity to make any necessary adjustments. Are there any changes you want to make in your relationships and partnerships that might help you find the love relationship you want?


If you want to know where your personal transits are—and to find out if you have any in the 7th House—that are affecting you now, go to the Free Transit Calculator and enter your birth date. You may find out that Saturn or other personal transits are bringing change to your life, right now.


Love elephant and want to go steady?

Sign up for our (curated) daily and weekly newsletters!

 Editor: Travis May

Photo: Pixoto





Read 6 Comments and Reply

Read 6 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Larry Schwimmer  |  Contribution: 3,565