Summer evokes a sense of warmth, lovingness and new beginnings.

Maybe it’s because my body and mind relax with the warm weather, or because I have memories of summer romances years ago.

I thought I’d share with you my (latest) 10 keys to a great relationship. I prefer to think of them as guidelines. If we apply these principles in our relationships, especially romantic ones, love will blossom and thrive.

So whether we’re looking for a partner, learning to love ourselves or want to refresh a long term relationship, we can try these out to bring some fresh juice to our love life!

1. Take responsibility for our own happiness.

Nobody else can give it to you.

2. Listen.

3. Let our partner be different.

Our partner is completely different from us—a unique person, navigating his/her life by different maps, values, memories, etc.

4. Remember that everybody has needs.

Our needs as human beings are universal, simple and real. Our partner wants to love and be loved; wants to be respected, appreciated, seen, touched… just like us.

5. Remember that there’s no such thing as always and never.

6. Recognize the difference between drama and vulnerability.

Drama runs the same emotional ride we’ve been on thousands of times before. We know the script by heart. We know in advance what the other person feels/thinks/will say. The energetic focus is outside ourself, angry at the other, afraid of them.

With true vulnerability our focus is internal, on our truth (I feel sad). We are not defending but opening ourself, allowing what’s true to be seen.

Emotions are raw, fresh, unscripted, and we have no idea what happens next.

7. Learn to open our hearts.

We have the key.

8. Let love breathe.

Intimacy naturally flows between togetherness and aloneness, pulsating like ocean tides.

9. Stay curious.

It’s all a big experiment, and we can’t fail as long we keep paying attention.

10. Make love more important than ourselves.

More important than being right.

Let love open us, stretch us, surprise us, confound us and call forth who we really are.

People have printed these out and hung them on fridge, others share them with friends and family. I’d love to hear feedback, insights and suggestions to help refine and improve this list.

 

 

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Apprentice Editor: Kim Haas / Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: Joel Funk via Flickr