Certain childhood stories stimulated control in me—so much so, that by the time I was in my mid-teens, I had a pretty ugly case of obsessive-compulsiveness.

The tendency to control has dissolved deeply and re-appeared in very subtle forms over the years. And just now, I am finding what it means to be free.

Control is an odd thing. We think we have it, find it, achieve it—but we can’t.

It’s a mirage, an illusion, an unachievable thing.

Control locks up your soul.

We are spirit. We are much more than a breathing being that can be contorted and controlled into a submissive person who does everything right.

Beneath it all, we are full of guidance that knows something more about our life.

We are full of hunches, urges and messages surfacing over and over again, yet—they never breathe when suffocated by the need to control every aspect of life.

The funny thing about control is, like all things, life will eventually lead to the truth by shattering control. This usually happens when we think we were doing it right all along.

The interesting thing is that many women control themselves with the best of intentions, “If I just do yoga and meditate every day, eat the perfect raw/vegan/paleo/etc. diet, be the most devoted mother, then—and only then—will I be enough.”

If I just do the right thing, then I will be enough.

But enough-ness doesn’t come from control or rightness. Enough-ness is innate. Our worth is innate.

Of course we must live with consciousness and care, while crafting our lives with mindful intentions, but we also must empty ourselves of who we think we should be, so we can fill ourselves up with who we really are.

We must trust that when we dissolve the labels we’ve gathered for ourselves, then we will begin to hear the truth of who we are—without the attachment to who we think we should be.

We must learn to let this life be beautiful, messy and uncontrolled.

We must loosen our ideals, break our own rules and remember that our soul will guide us when it is free from control.

 

 

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Apprentice Editor: Jessica Sandhu/ Editor: Travis May

Photo: Pixoto