June 11, 2014

Hypersensitive Superstars. ~ Whitney Olivia Wilson

sensitive woman

I think there is a bit of a misconception about being super sensitive.

It is perceived as a weakness, when really it is a superpower. I have heard sensitive souls referred to as “delicate” and fragile. That pisses me off.

Do you want to know what is actually weak? Not being able to handle your emotions, then avoiding or numbing them. That would be someone who is so fragile that they don’t allow themselves to feel the full extent of their feelings, the sensation being too much for their delicate psyche.

I love to love.

I love to open my heart up and examine each scar and memory. I love to feel—pain and pleasure. I chase the rush of emotion available in each fleeting moment. I am always searching for truth and deeper meaning, desperate to understand the world and the intricate ways we are all woven together to create this universe.

I stop at each opportunity presented, to laugh or to cry, because I need to feel my heart pound and ache to remember how precious each moment I have is. Life is short, right? So why are we all racing to the finish? Can’t we just walk slowly, look around and feel the waves of passion and agony washing over our souls?

I’ve numbed my discomfort and my fierce joy, fearing that the label of “overwhelming” would follow me to my last day. Then I had nothing. Life is in the feeling, in the emotion, and even in the hurt.

The distress of my parents’ divorce made me want to hide, because I did not want to have to wonder what would happen to them without the security of one another. The struggle of pursuing a career that was prestigious and high-paying, but completely wrong for my soul, left me desperate to escape the sensation. When I avoided and numbed my sadness, I also lost my joy.

When my heart called out for me to be wild and outgoing and the world tagged me as annoying and weird, I tried to make myself quiet, but at the expense of disconnecting from my own inner voice.

Feeling the full range of emotion that results from complicated experiences is scary. I have been too fearful in the past by trying to curl up into a little ball and wait until the waves of sensation pass.

It is better to be brave. It is better to stand tall and let the waves hit you. To let awareness and consciousness be the boat that carries you through the storm. You cannot hide from the pain without also hiding from the pleasure.

I have to feel each day to stay sane. And I have to cry and I have to laugh. A lot. And I love it.

I cry at commercials and stories that inspire me. I cry in gratitude towards the sunset when driving home from yoga. I cry when I read old cards that my family sent me.

I laugh wholeheartedly from my gut. I laugh at the simple things, the slightly silly moments presented a million times each day. I laugh when my puppy makes funny noises while he naps. I laugh at cute moments between coworkers and friends. I laugh to myself in solitude, at the thought of anything that entertains me.

I feel the shivers on my skin when my soul aligns with the experience I am having. And my soul is desperately hungry to align with the moment it is in. It can find and appreciate the value in it all.

I don’t know where I am going and I don’t know what is going to happen next, but it is okay.

My family may call me overly sensitive and I may hear the worlds “calm down” and “relax” more than any human should ever have to, but it’s okay. I know I have to live like this. I wish they would join me.

Why would I try to diminish the emotion available in my human experience? Why should I try to feel less? Because everyone else is too afraid to truly feel it all? I am not sure of many things, but I am sure that being sensitive to emotion and feeling as much as I possibly can in each moment is essential to really living, not just simply existing.

We cannot be in the moment and be numb or desensitized. We are here to feel alive, and feel happy and feel sad. It is all beautiful. The fact we have the capacity to experience such joy, or such sorrow, is truly amazing. Life should be less about the doing and the saying, and more about the feeling of each precious emotion as it builds, expands and diminishes in our physical bodies.

I will never apologize for my habit of crying or laughing when I am blissfully content in a moment. I will never try to stifle my sensitive side. If it scares or intimidates others, I know it is truly their own problem and not mine.

I am blessed to be an emotional, overwhelming and sensitive soul.

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Photo: Jay DeFehr/Flickr

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Whitney Olivia Wilson