Aren’t we all just trying to find that spot, that perfect sweet spot of life—where our purpose is clear, we’re living it wholeheartedly, we’re loving with everything we have and feeling all that love right back?

I know I am. I want to live so joyfully that when people remember me they say, “She had a smile that could light up the whole world. She loved life and laughed a lot, and when she made love, it was with her whole heart.”

But how do we get there?

How do we shed our inhibitions like wet coats, leaving them in a pile at our feet to be stepped on and crunched, so that we, our naked selves, can bask in self confidence and love?

I don’t have all the answers, but here are a few things I’ve picked up on my way:

We stop conforming, stop twisting ourselves into some man-made construct of beauty.

We choose the homemade crooked cookie with the uneven edges not because it’s the most beautiful on the pan but because it’s the most interesting. We trust that our beauty comes from our uniqueness, our hearts, our minds, those gifts we have to give back to the world. We know that no other cookie, no matter how perfect its edges, can detract from our amazingness.

We shine because we know we are beautiful, although our beauty doesn’t define us.

We stop seeking validation from others.

Nobody decides our worth but us. Our sexiness can not be measured by the number of people flirting with us at the club. Our marital status doesn’t tell us how lovable we are. We don’t look to things for validation either. We don’t let a scale determine our worth, nor the size of our house or the price of our car.

Einstein said, “If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” Find that thing you love and do it. Bask in it, and let it bring you joy because joy is more beautiful than any pair of Louis Vuittons.

We know that rejection is not about us.

Did you send a naked selfie hoping you’d get a “Nice!” and instead get a “Your job needs to give you more work to do”? Don’t sweat that. Your ass is still hot. When someone rejects you, it’s actually more about that person rejecting having to care about someone. It’s a rejection of responsibility, of having to give something, of being needed.

Sometimes people reject the most amazing, beautiful love staring them in the face because they’re not ready to be loved that much. They don’t believe in themselves. They don’t think they can do it. They don’t believe they can be the person you want them to be. They’re afraid of being needed because they don’t believe they have enough to give.

Sometimes they leave because they know they need to work on themselves before they hitch their wagon with someone else. Sometimes the timing just isn’t right. Whatever the reason, just remember that rejection isn’t about you.

You are enough. You are perfect.

We are proud of saying no. We set boundaries and respect ourselves enough to stick with them and feel proud that we’ve honored ourselves and our time. We don’t give ourselves or our time away to just anyone.

If we want to find that sweet spot in life then we have to know how to say no to that which doesn’t serve us and yes to all that makes our souls shine. Let’s check fear at the door and walk in naked. It’s warm and gentle in the sweet spot.

Shall we go together?

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photos: Romain Toornler/Flickr