Sometimes we go through moments, or periods of our lives where we get addicted to or get off on feeling bad.

Sometimes it even feels good to feel bad.

Admitting that in itself is a huge step towards being real and conscious. I talk to people all the time and I hear them asking me what they should do and proclaiming that they need help. Some take it, some don’t. Here are some tips to build a more loving relationship with yourself.

You know what else feels good?

Freedom from habitual behavior, having the choice to not believe angry thoughts and connecting to your innate wild nature! Getting to know the light and the space that supports you inside of your body. An unconditional connection to your power and happiness. The ability to face difficult stuff and not check out, but become even more present.

Until we have a direct experience of what “feeling good” within ourselves really is, we are left to our conditioning to dictate our thoughts and actions.

We (yoga people) love to talk about self-love, positivity and sparkly-ness—and don’t get me wrong I will never stop talking about those things—but they have to be rooted in something real. Something to match the intensity that we face in our lives.

The pain that we get to face is not to be avoided, but moved through. That is where our aliveness lives. It is how we learn to trust and learn how to be fearless. There is an underlying layer of anger or pain underneath how we present ourselves to the world.

We try to hide it, suppress it, but it will leak out when and where it can.

That is usually how the cycle of feeling good feeling bad starts. If we are awake to it and have the right support, this very pain can be our doorway to presence and a deeper love within ourselves.

If you find yourself on an anger binge or just in a sh*tty state you can’t shake, try this:

1. Stop doing things that you know aren’t helping you.

Granted sometimes that takes some extra help (keep reading) but other times it is as simple as making a different decision around what you are doing. At least know why you are doing what you do and and what you want to get out of it. That will help you make better decisions.

2. Call bullsh*t on yourself.

Spiritual teacher David Harshada Wagner has told me that we are not responsible for our initial thought, after that one it is our choice. Knowing this has helped me to notice my habitual, unhelpful, pattern of thinking, and be able to stop and say f*ck that. That is total B.S. and I am not buying it. Then move on to what you know is true in your heart. Rise about your thoughts!

3. Set a fierce intention to heal and enforce new habits that you know are nourishing to your soul.

Self-care, when done with intention, can be a really deep thing that will bring you into a whole different relationship with the part of you that is free and knows what true pleasure is all about. This can be as simple as a powerful walk or run or getting help from a professional who can teach and help you heal yourself.

4. Pray for pleasure.

Take a breath and pray to be released of whatever it is that is binding you and keeping you stuck. Expect to receive something new, something you don’t even know about yet—new depths of happiness and true love within yourself and your life are waiting for the space to be born.

5. Surround yourself with people who remind you of your soul power and beauty.

If you don’t have that in your life, set an intention and it will come. As each of us lives and serves the world with our purpose, we become constant reminders of the love and light that we truly are.

6. When this feeling becomes a recurring thing that you can’t get a handle on yourself, great!

It’s time to get deep support. Go on a retreat with a teacher that has experience with helping people heal deep stuff, sign up for a course, take a class and reach out to someone who you feel knows how to fearlessly share their light. Those are the people that will help you get free and love you unconditionally as you do it. Don’t be afraid to admit where you are at or what you are going through. It is the only place to start—and is a beautiful place to be.

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Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Smabs Sputzer/Flickr