Let the Love Flow: Practicing Non-Attachment in Our Relationships.

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Yoga does not require aggression, it desires effort in the form of patience, love in the form of commitment and respect by honoring our limitations.

With practice even the most challenging poses are executed with grace and ease. The relationship you cultivate with yourself through your yoga practice influences the relationships you build with others off of the mat.

Interconnectivity vs. Codependence

How do we balance the innate need for autonomy with the desire for connection and intimacy? We not only enjoy feeling wanted and appreciated but need to have a purpose.

Investing mentally, emotionally and spiritually into partnerships provides a sense of importance and healthy interdependence through positive mirroring with feelings of love for another that reflect and encourage self love, provide unconditional support, and that special togetherness that feels liberating.

Yet, if one partner gives too much, ignoring his or her boundaries and constantly feels unappreciated this dynamic can create a void in which a connection to the self is lost. This codependent cycle creates a thick residue of resentment, anger and regret which causes an eruption and, if expressed, an argument about the same thing can occur over and over again that can eat away at the happiness of both partners slowly and painfully day by day.

Love in the now by Releasing Expectations

Yoga teaches that the root of all suffering begins with attachments and so often we cling to our relationships and attach our hopes, fears and even identities to our partner. It teaches trusting that all we can know and experience exists right here and now and not in some ideal or distant future.

The fear of losing someone, the doubt of not living up to another’s expectations or our own unrealistic ideas can create a grasping onto those we feel close to which ultimately keeps us feeling unhappy, dissatisfied and even unloved.

Instead, why not simply enjoy the beautiful moments you can spend together today, honor one another and invite gratitude in for the little things like laughing, holding hands and kissing?

Mutually Enhancing Relationships

A truly intimate loving relationship requires compassion for yourself first. If we can embrace all that the present moment has to offer, and live life as you freely choose then, you will happily experience that same freedom in your relationships.

We often overstep each other’s boundaries, take on defensive or judgmental tones and project ideas onto another when we fear losing someone, or worse when we fear losing ourselves. If we confront our fears with gentleness we can respect what makes us feel insecure and also understand our partners vulnerabilities and learn to transcend these obstacles together with trust rather than critique or judgment.

All is Impermanent

Yoga translates physical sensation into a language we can understand. Through self awareness we learn the ways in which we can love, nourish and know  our transient self. Yoga practice can offer brief glimpses into that vast and ever expanding universe that exists within and helps us to see the same in our partner. Change is the only constant.

The most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves. Above all remember, if something does not feel right, for goodness sake, do not suffer through it for the benefit of not making someone else uncomfortable.

To fully love our self (and someone else), we must first practice self awareness so that we can trust that we will know when to stay, when to compromise and when to give ourselves room to breathe. Be willing to explore your own transformations as they arise and know with certainty that your evolving relationship will undergo its own shifting, but alas, each new day promises adventure—honor your truth, respect your partner’s truth and simply allow it to grow from there.

 

 

Relephant:

Letting Go in Relationships: A Buddhist’s View of Attachment.

The True Lesson in Embracing Non-attachment.

What to do if things get tough in your relationship:

 

 

Author: Judy Rukat

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Wikimedia Commons 

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Judy Rukat

Judy Rukat 500 RYT, MA Psychology, is a proud mother, love and relationship coach and a full time yoga teacher in Berkeley, CA. She believes in confronting challenges head on in relationships and on the yoga mat. She teaches that while life will inevitably challenge you, it is through consistent practice that we can learn how to stay present in the now and build the strength, cultivate the wisdom and deepen the community bonds that will help us transcend struggles. It is never too late to create truly meaningful and satisfying intimate connections and to understand as unique individuals, exactly what is needed to be happy and free. Catch up with Judy on Instagram and her website.

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anonymous Nov 10, 2015 9:18am

Judy Rukat this article is so wise & brilliant. Thank you.

anonymous Aug 30, 2015 11:14am

I loved this article, I am always praying to people to practice self awareness and sometimes when I am in a relationship I don't realise I am not observing my own behavior and let my emotions take control… and many times feel guilty after with myself for not taking time to feel, think and then act… I am starting a new relationship and I worry sometimes too much about the future and jump to make conclusions when things don't go the way I would like to, so remembering i should enjoy the moments we have together and letting the other person enjoy his life when he is not with me, is not bad i have to cherish the time together and enjoy the time with myself too… thanks

anonymous May 27, 2015 9:09am

Thank you for writing this. Very spot on.

anonymous May 27, 2015 12:16am

Beautiful and thoughtful. Unfortunately I have been the one making someone else feel a lopsided relationship and can see how hard that makes it to control this grasping and attachment.. 🙁

anonymous May 26, 2015 5:10am

I failed to do these things and lost the greatest love of my life. Thank you for this.

anonymous Nov 9, 2014 7:59pm

Thank you for this!

anonymous Nov 9, 2014 10:46am

This is wise beyond your years! Brilliant, beautiful and just perfect! Great job and thank you! Timing is even better! Cheers! – LB

anonymous Nov 6, 2014 1:19pm

Honestly, relationships are a lot of work. On top of that, you need to be invested in it. I personally read a lot of relationship books and things like that to help me, but it didn't help me as well as one on one interactions. I actually signed up on multiple forums to get help with problems like this and even at http://relationshipsandadvice.weebly.com to be led in the right direction. By doing this, my relationship has been extremely healthy now!

Sophie Charlotte Aug 11, 2016 4:25pm

Loved this soooo much! Thanks & well done. Love, Sophie