It’s the holiday season, and I’m feeling all warm and egg noggy about it.

In celebration, I’m stuffing your stockings with a few intimacy tips that I hope will keep your festivities merry and bright. Feel free to add your own in the comments below!

Happy holiday loving,
Rachel Astarte

Turkey Basters: They’re Not Just for Thanksgiving Anymore

Millions of women enjoy the feeling or oral sex, but how can that feeling be achieved when you’re alone? Here’s an interesting approximation (although heaven knows nothing beats the real thing):

Take the rubber end off a (clean!) turkey baster. Run it under warm water. Place the mouth end over your clitoris. Squeeze the bulb, then release. The suction is similar to oral sex.

Bonus Tip: Keep a bowl of warm water next to you and replenish the baster’s moisture as needed.

Lord of the Cock Rings

If you’re new to sex toys, the best way to begin is with a simple cock ring. Cock rings help men stay erect longer, which results in a more powerful orgasm. There are a number of varieties on the market, but I’d suggest buying one (they’re fairly inexpensive) that has a clitoral stimulator on it. These are generally made of jelly-like plastic and look like an oversized finger ring—the “jewel” being the stimulator portion.

Once erect, slide the ring all the way down to the base of your penis, with the stimulation area of the ring facing out, so it can rub against the clitoris during intercourse. Be sure to remove the ring soon after ejaculation so that your blood vessels do not remain constricted.

#1 Sex Tip for Men: Arousal

This is it, guys: The number one tip to ensure you’ll be a better lover to your female partner. Never (and I mean never) penetrate a woman with anything unless she is well lubricated. Preferably, the lubrication will be her own vaginal fluid. That means you need to arouse her with touches, kisses, massage, oral sex…Whatever it takes.

Not only is intercourse without sufficient arousal painful physically, it makes for an overall unsatisfying experience.

True, this may mean that it takes a little longer to get to the intercourse part of sex, but come on! Can you think of anything else you’d rather have in front of you than your lover’s body? Would you rather be doing anything else than giving her pleasure…and receiving it in return? (If so, go do it. Don’t waste each other’s time. Come back to sex when you have real passion and energy to devote to it.)

Don’t worry, not all women need long stretches of arousal time. And those who do don’t need it every time. We all get crazy-horny sometimes.

Bonus Tip: You can find out if your partner is “ready” for penetration by slowly slipping a finger or two into her vagina. It should slide in smoothly. Chances are she’ll encourage you further by tilting her pelvis toward your hand.

#1 Sex Tip for Women: Confidence

If there’s one thing men want women to know about sex, it’s this: you are sexy. If you weren’t, he wouldn’t be there in the first place. The biggest turn-off for men is a woman who is self-conscious about her body and/or her sexuality.

Sex is communication. The more self-conscious you are during sex, the more your partner will be apt to become self-conscious himself. Even the most comfortable lover will begin to withdraw in the presence of a partner who is doing the same.

No one is expecting you to abstain from sex until you are madly in love with your own body. But at least suspend your self-criticism while you’re making love.

Bonus Tip: Live vicariously through his attraction to you. Watch his behavior toward you as you make love. Reflect his attraction to you back at him. If you do this often enough, you will begin to develop a healthier and happier sense of your sexual self.

Practice Makes Love Perfect

No amount of reading is going to make you a better lover. (This article excepted, of course.) Don’t worry about being the best or what others may think of you. Just be yourself, and be respectful of your partner. As a very wise friend of mine likes to say, “Anytime love is generated in the world, it’s a good thing.”

So? Get out there and make love!

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Author: Rachel Astarte

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: debaird/Flickr