Waylon gave us apprentices at elephant journal a writing exercise: four minutes to share.

The idea is a Buddhist one—by sharing, we can let go and move on. Well I have held on to this assignment, not wanting to share. The duh factor finally kicked in and I am sharing so that I can let it go.

“Opening up about our lifelong secret Habitual Patterns—so we can let go.”

My lifelong secret is that I am my own worst critic. Even when things are going well for me I am not satisfied! No matter the compliments or the positive feedback I receive, I feel that I could have done more or better.

It is not that I am an overachiever or motivated by lofty unreachable goals. It is just that at times, I don’t like myself very much.

I had a happy childhood and a good family. I never starved. In fact I was a spoiled kid. As long as my grades were good, I wanted for nothing. Somehow this back-fired and I turned self-esteem into self-loathing.

When I didn’t like myself I drank a lot to put up with myself. Self loathing meets self destructive. Now, I don’t drink and I don’t hate myself.

I may not always love myself but I do like me, and today that is good.

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Author: Paul Semo

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Tomasz Stasiuk/Flickr