I have a tender heart that is unwilling to hold a space for a lover who is unable to show up—in life and on time.
I am not an easy woman to love, for I am strong and outspoken and will challenge you on it all—nothing goes unspoken.
If I am frustrated you will see it in each note of my voice, each movement and flick of my body, eyes, wrist.
I am transparent and strong and my heart is see-through.
I promise to always aspire to let go of the experiences that have installed sensitivity.
I promise to know some of the trigger is not from you, and this moment—but moments before you that you understand or control.
When a lover doesn’t show up for me, the scabs it picks are of a father who—knowing of my existence—choose not to show up and love me.
It throws salt in the wound of laying in bed the morning after my abortion and hearing my partner tell me he had someone to buy his guitar, the cost of the plane ticket—but he couldn’t.
I cannot and will not allow a love where we choose to not show up for one another in the small and big moments.
I promise to work everyday, allowing your presence in my life, to wipe these experiences clean and teach my heart that you have the ability to show up and love me fiercely.
I ask for your patience when I falter, for I have loved some lousy men and although I have divulged days of work on these beliefs—I’m still unlearning.
Every moment that you are here, I am learning.
Author: Janne Roblinson
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock
Photo: courtesy of the author