When at first I heard your name mentioned
In casual conversation,
I shuddered, displeased.
Whiffs of pipe-smoke and memories of
My father’s tickly moustache were
Nostalgic, but about
As sexy to me as
The wild men of Borneo.
We actually had an argument over you.
Because of you, beard,
He slept downstairs that night.
But we made amends, and agreed that
It was his face (of course);
Facial hair did not warrant argument,
And you would not be
A hobo beard.
He also told me you were good for kissing (and other things).
And so you grew.
I marvelled at the minutes—no, hours spent on your care.
You were conditioned,
I caught him admiring you in the mirror
More times than I caught him admiring me.
I can’t lie:
I was a little jealous of
All the attention you received.
But then you filled out, thickened up
And I was surprised at
How soft you were.
Every time I kissed him he
Smelled of oranges and sandalwood
And you tickled my lips,
In a not at all Dad-like way.
(You tickled other things too.)
I was surprised at how much
I liked you.
He still looked like himself, but the most
Sexy version of himself I’d ever seen.
I was amazed at how much
You made me want him.
I wasn’t prepared for the intense
Carnal reaction I’d have
To some facial hair.
And other people also noticed.
Women smiled doe-eyed and
Chatted (a bit too) eagerly
At the sight of you.
Men admired you and
Gave a knowing nod.
And so dear beard, you have earned
Your place in my heart.
I never thought I’d swing lumber-sexual.
But here I am,
And I hope we never part.
Author: Khara-Jade Warren
Editor: Caroline Beaton