I hear it all the time from my friends.
“It was snowy and cold.”
“It was Friday and I had such a long week.”
“I ate too much on our date and then I was so full, I didn’t feel like doing it with a food baby bump.” (Okay, this is maybe an understandable excuse, though if you’re choosing a date with food over a date with your actual date, I’m not sure I have much hope for the relationship.)
My point is: people make excuses for not having sex.
1) Sex makes you sexier.
You’ve probably heard of the magical hormone, released during sex called oxytocin, which makes you happier, more generous and more loving. These things make you feel sexier, which makes you want more sex. (Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor of any kind. I do, however, know this to be true based on my own field research).
It’s a beautiful cycle. And it’s up to you to get back on this hot and steamy merry-go-round if you’ve fallen off. Hop on and get riding.
2) Sex makes you sleep better.
Stop being that tired, cranky brat. Orgasms release vasopressin, a hormone that helps you sleep more deeply. Sex, with a partner, can be a stellar workout (as long as you’re not always the pillow princess), and sex alone can also (hands-on takes more energy than toys, ladies and gents). Getting regular exercise is a tried-and-true trick for scoring longer, deeper sleep and being happier and more energized in general.
3) Sex is fun.
Good job being a responsible grown up. Okay, now try something else. Try dirty talking. Try roleplaying. Try wrestling or lap dancing or doing it in an elevator, just because. Play is an important part of staying youthful in mind and body, and should not only happen on Saturday mornings with your kids or at your Settlers of Catan meetup group. Being in a state of play strengthens brain patterning that can lead to better emotional management, problem solving and planning. As they say: work hard, play harder.
4) Sex is bonding.
Sex with yourself is intimate. It’s “you” time. It’s as sweet as cooking yourself a feast from the farmer’s market or spending a day at the spa. And with all the juicy hormones, the sensation of touch, the sounds (rarrr, purr, grrrr, mmm), the smells (hello, pheromones) and the sweat (don’t just “glow,” get it, girl), sex with others encourages feelings of belonging, love and closeness. It’s the coolest science since Bill Nye.
5) Sex is unscheduled time.
In this era of calendar addicts, bucket lists and YOLO’ers, we tend to plan out every moment of our day. This is maddening in the way that Etsy, Pinterest and all things that are too cute and organized are, and it makes my head spin.
Befriend spontaneity. Call in sick. Vacuum tomorrow.
Heed those lightning bolts of sexy inspiration, and feel lighter, looser (never a bad idea to do a Kegel squeeze or two, though) and more flexible.
Everyone, especially you, will find you a whole lot more enjoyable.
Author: Emily McCaffrey
Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock