My most interesting dates are the ones I’m a little secretive about.
The dates that are out of my league, inappropriate or totally wrong for me: risky choices. The dates that I find unworthy of anyone else’s attention by my own.
When I get to know someone, especially someone different and special, my mind starts to imagine possibilities. It’s like I’m in an imaginary world where anything can happen. In Dating Wonderland, our bodies, minds and souls take a trip and never return the same way again.
What works in my Dating Wonderland?
Spontaneity: I recently went out with someone and ended up driving around lost for an hour with him. We tried two different craft beer establishments and neither was open. Apparently everyone takes Mondays off in the craft beer world and we can’t use MapQuest for sh*t. How does that even happen? But this unforeseen event allowed the two of us to problem solve together. Through this adventure, we were able to connect and overcome the first date jitters.
Sexual Clumsiness: I am always falling down or having some sort of medical emergency. I once went on a vacation with my special friend, and within 48 hours we had to find the nearest clinic. For what you might ask? Too much sex. It takes a brave person to go down that road with me. That was actually a really great vacation, despite the sexual theatrics. Neither of us was sexually insecure, so we connected deeply.
Word Vomit: There are people I just have this need to spew words on. There is no such thing as knowing too much about someone. The more I know, the more able I am see whether we can work as a couple. There have been times when I was so excited about someone that I ended up saying something that I meant at the time… but too soon. Once I said “I love you” in an Applebees restaurant to someone I hardly knew. But I regret nothing. In my Wonderland, I am the white queen that showers you with “I love you.”
What doesn’t work in Dating Wonderland?
Brain Games: It’s not that I need someone to be agreeable; I just don’t get my jollies on intellectual sparring with my love interest. I’ve surpassed college-level dating where we try to prove who’s smarter. The answer is always: we are both brilliant! I like to support alternative thinking. If someone’s frame of mind is different than my own, I consider that a strength in our partnership. If you consider it a chance to inflate your ego, you will find out why my nickname is Bolt. I will bolt at the first chance I get from that type of conversation. As the Queen of Hearts says, “off with their head!”
Comparison: We don’t need to be compared to the last relationship. If you are like me, you were probably a totally different person then. I believe that people highlight different parts of our personality. If 50 percent of our conversation is about your ex—and I’ve had this happen—I cannot connect to you in the present day. Comparing ourselves to the past is not fair to either of us.
Insecurity: Adult self-confidence is an inside job. If I am going out on a date to find my self worth, it is not going to end well. And I don’t want to repeat how good you look or explain why I talked to the waiter about his haircut. If I can’t be confident because you aren’t, we won’t work as a couple. It wasn’t until I had someone repeatedly tell me his internal negative self talk that I realized what I sounded like when I would say that to someone I wanted to date.
In the end, I would have learned nothing if I took the safe route to dating and followed all the rules and said all the right things. One of my favorite quotes from Alice In Wonderland is: “We’re all quite mad here. You’ll fit right in.” Eventually everyone finds their missing piece to their puzzle.
Author: Michelle Taylor
Editor: Caroline Beaton
Photo: Google images for reuse