I attended a Yoni Massage workshop that was about blossoming into femininity.
The workshop was set up in a way where you and your partner would give each other a yoni massage.
I was immediately terrified but something in me knew this could be a beautiful, opening and healing experience.
I reached out to a woman I knew who had been in Thailand for as long as I have and we had taken yoga and various workshops together. She was nervous about it as well but knew there was a great opportunity for healing. As the day got closer I thought many times about bailing out, finding my partner another partner and coming up with excuses about money etc. but I showed up!
When we arrived there were a total of 12 women, so there were six couples. I offered to give the yoni massage first—this was a totally selfish decision as I wanted to be naked in front of everyone else for the least amount of time possible.
As it turns out, how it all began was all us women stood in a circle and made an intention with every piece of clothing we removed until we all were naked together, except that those who were giving the massage kept their underwear on.
I was terrified.
My feelings of self-consciousness, embarrassment and shame about my body went through the roof. I have birthmarks all over my body which I don’t particularly care for, but have gotten used to. They are everywhere and the most challenging thing about this experience is that I have a large birthmark that covers my entire left arm and due to a surgery when I was younger.
It’s one of those things that I hate telling people about. It’s always uncomfortable for me to tell a man who I am about to be intimate with for the first time that I have this birthmark that looks like a burn. My fear of rejection presents itself intensely in that moment.
But when undressing in front of a man for the first time, not one has turned me down and left.
So all of us women began to undress. It then came time for me to make my intention with the removal of my shirt. I took a deep breath and removed it and I was met with the proud, loving and caring gaze of all the women in the room.
This moment in itself was healing.
We then began the yoni massage and I was holding space and giving my partner the yoni massage. Because I take this therapy so seriously and have such appreciation for those who do it, I was so nervous and really unsure whether I could do it or not.
Once we began, the facilitator provided us with so much support. I felt so comfortable and privileged to be able to hold space and provide healing to my beautiful partner.
Throughout the massage and afterwards I could feel the connection being made between women and the healing that was occurring.
Once the first round was done I was up next. I felt so cared for by all the women in the room which really allowed me to open up. I received a beautiful yoni massage from my partner and my openness and connecting with other women deepened even more. To have had that experience along with five other women was so powerful, to bear witness to the letting go of past traumas and healing was a true honour for me.
I fell even more in love with the divine feminine.
Once we were all done, we stayed unclothed in a circle, shared our experience and hugged. It was beautiful and powerful. It is experiences like these that I wish I could express my gratitude to all the women who were there and I hope that it had the same kind of impact on them as it did me. I know that it contributed to the evolution and expansion of the female consciousness.
Since this beautiful experience, I am in greater awe and appreciation of women everywhere…including and especially myself.
Author: Kerri Cust
Editor: Renée Picard
Photo: cane_rosso at Flickr