Meet your chakras:
They are energy systems within the body that impact your total functioning.
You have seven.
When they are functioning well, life is pretty blissful and full of contentment, even some rainbows. Think seven beautiful swirling spheres of light within. When they are blocked (due to things like trauma, pain and suffering) they manifest in some twisted desires.
The goal isn’t to demonize our tendencies or desires for a mate, just to understand them and love them for what they are. That’s the only way we will get what we want and what we need.
Of course, we will want to choose a mate that makes all of our chakras spin like a pinwheel. (It is possible, I promise.)
1. Listen to your Root Chakra, Muladahara:
It wants stability, safety, it wants money so you can live and eat. It is sweet, tender, comforting.
This chakra would have you choose someone who is really good at being really good: reliable, there, always there, who can help out with bills if needed. Someone who sits outside the bathroom door when you’re puking, continually asking you if you need any help. Someone who wants to go to the hospital with you when your grandmother is sick, even though they are terrified of hospitals.
If this chakra is balanced it will be attracted to the happy, the stable and the healthy.
If you’re having trouble with this chakra and it’s sending you mixed messages, that could be what you are seeking out in others: confusion and chaos. The inconsistent, those who change with the coming wind, the “I love you and I love you nots.” Those who could be here today, gone tomorrow and maybe send you a postcard, or they might forget to do even that. Perhaps people who rely more on you for financial support, who are always going through a new crisis that shakes the very foundation of your relationship. Or people who just really are never fully sure about you.
2. Listen to your sacral Chakra, Svadhishthana:
It wants heat, passion, it wants what it wants right now on the kitchen floor or in the back of the car.
This is quite a fun chakra, and many of us would just rather let this run the show. It loves making your heart beat fast, and all the longing, wishing, hoping, needing, the sensation of energy that leaps in your gut at the thought of someone brushing past your hand. Often in our youth we will choose someone through listening solely to this Svadhishthana.
As an adult, this chakra wants awesome sex, but also intense soul connection that is mutually honoring and inspiring. It wants sex without shame, without fear, it doesn’t want it to have to be scheduled or planned but something that organically unfolds.
This chakra needs a healthy dose of feeling and emotion, or it goes numb. If this chakra is excessive it will want a mate that is excellent at clearing off the table to throw you on it, but won’t take the time to help you put everything back together. Someone who might objectify you, or want to be objectified.
If you have had to shut off this chakra due to some unfortunate experience, this chakra might be very meek and quiet. If you label it “bad” or “wrong” or you try to ignore it, you might be attracted to someone who simply cannot or will not give this chakra the time of day. Perhaps someone who does not allow this chakra to be alive and well in them, consequently becoming dismissive, jealous or angry if yours starts to heal itself. Or you could marry for the wrong reason because this chakra is dying to have its way with you.
3. Giving your solar plexus, Manipura, what it wants:
It wants to move forward, and not look back. It doesn’t want to get bogged down so much with people’s feelings, needs, all that stuff that is messy and takes a lot of time.
It likes to be right, have the answers, and be able to explain it all. It has goals, it is driven and it is deeply attracted to the no nonsense type—the type that might sometimes put work before family, goals before spirituality. This chakra would have you attracted to someone who is hungry for prestige, success, for accomplishing and importance—for living out their passion. This chakra has a vision, and wants someone who also has a vision, a sense of purpose in this world. Just talking or thinking about ideas is not enough.
If this chakra is running well, it will be attracted to someone who is not just a dreamer, but a doer, someone who puts all their passions into actions and can create what they desire.
If this chakra is out of whack, it might be attracted to someone who is constantly in the in-between place, not comfortable committing to a project or idea long enough to see it through, or someone who cannot stop planning and creating their time away, and makes you a lower priority. You could seek someone out who is making a big difference in the world, but might not have enough time to cultivate a healthy connection with you.
4. What does your heart say about this matter?
A healthy heart chakra, Anahata, wants to love and be loved. That’s all it knows and the only language it speaks.
It loves making others feel important and heard, believing their thoughts do matter. The heart wants to make sure others know that their existence in this world makes a difference.
When this chakra is running properly, it wants someone who cares deeply for others, beyond politeness and social grace. Someone who is in touch with their feelings and heart and does not often act callous, cold or self serving. This chakra will want someone who can forgive and be forgiven easily, who can touch and be gentle even in the midst of anger and hurt feelings. lt craves vulnerability and soul to soul connections with others, and will not be happy with easy or simple everyday conversation or ignoring important topics in order to avoid confrontation. It will want someone who wants to fall in love, and might be terrified of it but falls anyway.
We are going to spend a bit more time here, as it is directly related to our cosmic interactions with others.
Now, if the heart chakra is needing a little work, it will be attracted to people who need a little work. You will keep the door open to past flames even if they burned you before, believing and hoping that someone can change.
If this chakra is off kilter, it might make you come on way too strong from day one (idolizing every detail about the other person, thinking every hello means more than it does). This might attract someone who likes the feeling of importance, of being worshipped, and might repel someone who is healthy who just wants to be treated normally.
If this chakra is in funky town it might make you spend too much time deciphering the hieroglyphics of your love’s actions, and less time doing important things like taking care of your own obligations. When this chakra has been hurt it makes love more about picking up dry cleaning and cooking and other surface activities, instead of listening and tending to the deeper needs in someone else. Someone who always puts their needs first might attract you if your heart chakra is needing some TLC.
If your heart chakra is functioning at full capacity, you will be attracted to someone who gives just as much as you are capable of giving, and does not make excuses. Someone who is eager to love you. It will want you to want the emotionally available, intrinsically gentle and sensitive.
5. What does your fifth chakra, Vissudha, want in a love?
It wants someone who can’t wait to hear what you have to say. Someone who reads something and can’t wait to discuss it with you. Someone who holds your words without having to quickly hit you back with a rebuttal.
It wants a partner who lets your words in—the words that express your needs, desires, dreams. If they don’t listen, they apologize and try again.
If this chakra is needing some help, you might be attracted to someone who dominates all conversations. A person who talks over you or for you, or someone who often interrupts you. This person might talk just to get attention and does not want to hear from you. You might be afraid of mentioning some topics that routinely offend or shut down your partner, even though these things deeply impact your heart and need to be shared. This relationship might again be based on sex or any other need like money, with little time of true connection.
Or you might be attracted to someone who struggles with expressing their truth, someone who is very meek and you are never truly sure of what they are thinking or feeling. There could also be physical, emotional or sexual abuse involved, which impacts a willingness and desire to use your voice and authentically share.
6. Sixth chakra Ajna is your right to see and perceive:
It wants your vision to be taken seriously. It wants your understanding and perception to be trusted.
It hungers to be treasured and not diminished or ignored.
When this chakra is healthy, you will be attracted to a partner who appreciates your viewpoint and trusts your understanding. Someone who comes to you with the real problems hoping that you will shed some light and support.
If this chakra is needing some care, it might be attracted to someone who always has to be right and make you wrong. Someone who might often say you’re being crazy or emotional, or your understanding and perception are incorrect. Someone who might not trust your viewpoint and often tries to solve problems on their own, or tries to control you.
On the other hand, you could be attracted to someone who is not honest with you when you need to be challenged, and might shy away from helping you see the truth when you are hurting yourself or someone else. They could be easily intimidated by conflict or are getting some type of reward out of remaining silent. This person might have loyalty issues and confuse love for being a doormat and having blind acceptance.
7. The seventh chakra, Saharsara, wants to always be expanding in awareness and knowledge:
It is deeply attracted to someone who is not afraid to challenge their own beliefs and ideals.
It wants someone who lives outside the box and is not afraid to admit that they don’t know or are wrong. Someone who has a constant thirst for growth and new life.
If this chakra is hurting, it might be attracted to someone who is afraid to learn and deepen their awareness and is more dogmatic about their beliefs. Someone who might define themselves more by what they do or what their responsibilities are, instead of who they are. This person does not find the need to spend time or money on personal growth and are happy to hold the status quo. They might feel safer in things staying the same.
Let all of your chakras whisper to you, and listen to what they say.
Let them guide you into a love wilder than you could have ever imagined.
Author: Maria Palumbo
Editor: Emily Bartran