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April 13, 2015

Is it Normal to Want to Kill Your Spouse?

Fighting

I would have to say yes.

From my observations of every human I have ever met who is in a relationship with another human for a long enough amount of time, at one point or another, they drive us completely nuts and we just feel like we could strangle them we are so angry.

And this is what is so amazing about mindfulness.

It is not about changing anything.

It is not about wanting to “kill” someone we love because they are driving us completely bonkers or not wanting to “kill” someone we love when they drive us completely bonkers. It is being mindful of everything that arises in our consciousness.

Because what we know is that it is really easy to be angry, frustrated, disappointed and resentful of our significant others.

Like, really, really, really easy.

So, we need to cut ourselves some slack.

Accept that sometimes we’re frustrated, that sometimes we’re angry.

There are so many times in my life that I have wished for a solution to my struggles.

And every time I have grasped and searched what I have found is that there is only one solution that has ever worked.

And it is acceptance.

So, for those times that we’re fuming with anger and think that we can’t even make it another moment under the same roof with our spouse without completely “losing it,” may I suggest compassion.

Compassion for all the angry feelings and the normalcy of the angry feelings. And compassion for wanting to reach for a solution such as separate beds for the night or separate houses forever.

And maybe we don’t even have to rush to feel kinder or not so angry. Maybe we just need to go inside to the completely bonkers anger and see what hurts us and accept every part of the situation.

Even the parts that contradict each other. Those parts are welcome, too.

Will this make us feel better?

Maybe and maybe not.

Will it make us more mindful about who we are and what we’re going through?

Yes, it definitely will. And most of the time that is all we can do.

 

 

 

Relephant: 

“Yes, And”: Eliminate Argument Forever with These 2 Simple Words. ~ Melissa Lynn Lowenstein

Author: Ruth Lera 

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: yourdon at Flickr 

 

 

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