April 13, 2015

What Happens When a Date is not a Date?

first date feed birds

“I have thoroughly enjoyed your company over the past couple of hours although I’d prefer to leave you with a high five rather than a kiss goodnight.”

There is no denying it: dating in 2015 is hard!

People are now fussier than ever about what they’re looking for in a partner and if you’re single and out on the dating scene, you better be prepared for the battlefield.

I have spent the past eighteen months out there on the dating circuit, with the hope that I’d ultimately meet my “perfect” match. Someone who was attractive enough to make me smile every time I looked into her eyes, someone who was bubbly enough to laugh at my attempts of humour, someone who was interesting enough that could hold a conversation for ten minutes without needing to say the word hashtag…

But most of all I was looking for someone who would bring out the best in me.

During the past year and a half I’ve been out with many different women who have vastly different philosophies on life. I’ve dated lawyers, teachers, police officers, graphic designers, archeologists, models and yogis. I’ve come across money-driven narcissists, right-winged bigots, earth-loving environmentalists and free-spirited hippies. I’ve greeted girls who’ve arrived in their Mercedes and I’ve dined with girls who have locked their single-speed bicycle to the “no standing” parking sign out the front of the vegetarian bar.

In spite of all my efforts, I will admit that I feel as though I have failed!

Until recently I had been completely preoccupied with the notion that “the more I date, the closer I’d come to finding my paramour.” I have literally invested hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars following this very credo.

However I recently met someone who completely changed my train of thought on my entire dating methodology.

Yes—I was very attracted to this person. Yes—we went out and I was immediately excited by her intelligence, her sense of righteousness and her outlook on life. Yes—we shared very similar interests and yes (most importantly) she appeared to be into me.

Had I struck gold? Well if I had it only lasted for a moment.

After a couple of dates she revealed to me that she wanted to date me in a “non-dating way.” I was left feeling confused, disappointed and a little agitated.

What on earth was she talking about?

After my initial reservations I decided to play along. This whole “non-dating dating” concept was completely new to me and I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into.

However the more we hung out the more the idea resonated with me. I witnessed my thought process change to “this whole idea is convoluted” to “wow, this actually works!”

Even though this concept does remove a lot of the highlight reel from the evening—for example, the energy associated with thoughts of when should I go for the kiss goodnight? and Is this the right time to put my arm over her shoulder? It allows two individuals to be stripped to their bare essence and build a foundation that will hopefully turn into a very special and long-lasting friendship.

Ultimately when it comes down to the core of any happy relationship, you need to be with someone who you’re willing to call—your best friend.

Therefore, when you think you’ve met that special someone, what harm is there in non-dating that person for a while first?





Online Dating Advice for Men. ~ with Love, Women Everywhere


Author: Stuart Bracecamp

Editor: Renée Picard

Photo: Viola Ng at Flickr 

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Stuart Bracecamp