May 8, 2015

Changing Tides: Tips for Reigniting your Marriage.


In our fast-paced and technologically driven society, sometimes our biggest challenge is to take a moment to slow down and to physically connect with the person right beside us.

Exciting, happy and healthy relationships take time and effort, and once in a while they require a little creativity. It’s natural through time to lose touch with our significant other, but by using a few simple techniques we can breathe new life into our relationship, giving it the best chance for long-lived happiness and a lot of fun.

I am a woman who loves and is married to another woman. It all began at an ice cream social.  I was with my two boys at this event to help raise money and awareness for women that suffer domestic abuse.  Jodi walked in and time seemed to stop for a moment. She was strong and held an air of confidence and yet in her eyes I saw such vulnerability. This juxtaposition was so beautiful to me. I knew my world was about to change—and, so it did. I’d never known a love like that, a love so powerful that in a single moment, it had the ability to heal all of the hurts I’d trudged through my life.

But, time edged away some of the passion, some of the electricity and much of the glue that held us together. I found myself struggling and feeling alone, and I knew she’d begun to feel much of the same. The day to day hustle and bustle of each owning our own businesses and raising two boys together created distance between us. We once felt so empowered in carrying the load of life together, but at some point we decided to carry much of it alone.

My journey began in fixing what I’d allowed to break over the years. I’d taken stock of my relationship and knew that we could have a renewed passion and purpose that would create a steadfast glue that would once again bind us together. Using three simple techniques not only saved my marriage, it changed it into something that has become both exciting and sustainable.

1. Touch

Physical touch is our first learned communication tool. Non-verbal communication in the form of touching someone has the ability to express even the most complicated emotion in a single moment. Touch more. Kiss more. Hold hands more. Cuddle more. Be more playful. Surprisingly, this is the one thing that made the most difference in my relationship. It rekindled the spark that started us off on our journey together. It’s simple. All we have to do is just do it. The more we touch, the more we want to touch.

        2. Lifting up Your Partner

Appreciation and gratitude is also essential in a relationship. Because I’d found myself starting to feel resentful that I was carrying so much, I found this to be a bit difficult in the beginning—but a few words proved to move mountains. I began giving my wife praise in front of the kids, as well as alone, thanking her for her hard work, her dedication and her support. I find at least one thing everyday to thank her for. Sometimes it’s small and silly.  Sometimes it’s really big. But, it always makes an impact. As I began showing her my gratitude, she too began to show hers in return. This has the ability to turn the tide in any relationship, and it allows for a great deal of healing in the process, for I found that I was so overwhelmed with what I was doing and feeling that I’d lost sight of how important her role was, as well as how much she did for our family.

3. Excitement

Every relationship could use a little boost now and then.  We tend to get stuck in a rut once in awhile. By doing something new and exciting with the one we love, it creates an important bond as well as rebuilds the passion that may have died off a bit through time. My wife and I began taking 40’s style dance classes, going to art shows, and having more experiences with new foods and new forms of entertainment. Sometimes, we’d eat something or do something that was just awful. For example, I realized that me being on roller skates makes for a really funny but painful experience. But even then, we had stories we could laugh about. This is a great way to wake up a relationship and create a little fun and excitement in it again.


If we spend a little time reconnecting in our most important relationship by touching more, being more attentive and grateful in our communication and doing new and exciting things together, we can open the door to a relationship that is fun, healthy, happy and stable.  It just takes the desire, a little thought, a little time and an open heart.


Author: Julie Anne Miller

Editor: Alli Sarazen

Photo: Sasha Kargaltsev/Flickr

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