May 21, 2015

The Problem with Positivity.

duality light dark

Several days ago, after completing a deep meditation practice, this post literally came to light.

I felt a strong urge to write and share it with you. These were the words that came to be. I trust it will meet you exactly where you are at. And that you’re reading this for a reason today.

Our culture has an obsession with the concept of positivity.

This idea that positivity is an answer or solution to our worldly problems is an illusion that many have adopted.

And it is one that will continue to entrap human beings until they actually fully understand what it means to be a human being living in duality.

People are chasing after an impossible spectrum of feelings and thoughts that will continuously be out of reach.

The striving toward the attainment of what many believe is the “ideal” way to be and act denies and avoids our ability to fully understand the sacredness and perfection in every part of our human experience.

There is no such thing as negative and positive. Dark or light. It is all one and of the same. These ideas that one element is bad or wrong and the other is good and right is merely a construct and fabrication of a consciousness that fails to perceive its existence beyond its own self.

Duality all comes from the same space. It is sacred. It is an expression of the divine. Until the world gets this we will be caught in a continual loop like a hamster on a wheel, exhausting ourselves to have an experience that will not only be completely unfulfilling but also impossible.

To ignore. Deflect. Avoid. Judge. Pretend. And fear our duality, means that we miss the perfect opportunity to really know and embrace all aspects of our humanness.

It all serves us. Every bit of it. Every feeling. Thought. It’s right there teaching us. Showing us what has been hidden. Buried deep into the back of our minds.

It is there to assist. To help us evolve. To expand each of us to new levels that this planet has not yet ever experienced.

That is why each of us are here.

We were not put on this planet to become “positive.”

Our darkness and our light all come from the same place. It was created by the same creator that breathed life into our bodies. And life on our planet.

None of this is a mistake.

Our goal then is not to strive to be positive or negative. But to fully acknowledge and truly be with what is coming to the surface in the fragility and tenderness of our bodies And to feel it fully with an open heart.

Our pain is a wound from our past desiring to be held.

Our anger and rage that gets thrown around is a reflection of a deep hurt that has not been held or given the time of day.

Our sadness that arises is not meant to be pushed back down, but held with permission to express itself freely and with pure observation.

Each part of our being is yearning to be loved and met. To deny this experience is why most of humanity keeps teetering on a see saw of positive and negative.

Back and forth.
Up and down.
It never ends. And it will never end.

And from this state, many start to believe that something is flawed within them because they are sad. Angry. Irritated. Engulfed in pain. And suffering.

It is in each of our best interests to transcend this idea of positivity and negativity by viewing all of it as sacred. Special. A matter of growth. Deeper love. Acceptance.

And most importantly it serves as an opportunity to break open the parts of ourselves that we’ve been running away from. Afraid at what might happen if we “go there.” Thinking that if we do it could tear our lives apart. And stop us from being our highest selves. And creating a life that we desire.

Our breakdowns are the exact breakthroughs that are required to create the everlasting sense of peace we yearn so deeply for.

Until we sit with our pain, we will keep on compartmentalizing and fragmenting ourselves. Creating continuous splits and versions of who we think we are rather than who we actually are.

Until we are ready to truly face our darkness and our light with complete openness, we will keep searching for divinity outside of ourselves. And that illusion is the trap that has us believing that ultimate bliss and freedom come from “trying” to be positive.



A Positivity Manifesto.



Author: Vanessa Petronelli

Editor: Catherine Monkman

Photo: Dhilung Kirat/Flickr

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sonny May 22, 2015 1:02pm

who are these people who think there is a flaw in them, and that one element is wrong and the other is right?Ive never read any Daoism, Bhuddism or any othe eastern belief that said yin-yang was a duality. The two work off of and with each other is the explanation you just repeated several times. You mentioned that duality comes from the same place/space. I never met anyone who would disagree unless maybe the right wing Christians

Vanessa Petronelli May 21, 2015 9:49pm

You're so welcome Earl. Glad you read my article and found it simple and direct. I appreciate your feedback! 🙂

Earl May 21, 2015 2:50pm

Thank you. Far to often I see people drawing lessons from the mindfulness of Buddhism, the benevolence of Christianity, the balance of Daoism, or the deep insight of Hinduism; yet, they never want to accept that each of those faiths have their own reasons, explanations, and understanding of the negative sides of life. Even science shows that entropy will have its way in this Universe. Thank you for putting it all into such simple and direct words.

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Vanessa Petronelli

Vanessa Petronelli has helped hundreds of people powerfully transform their lives from the inside out. Whether through intensive one-on-one work, online programs or live events, she turns people’s pain and confusion into joy and success. A former yoga teacher, model, actress and pop singer, Vanessa infuses her personal and spiritual wisdom into her writing, teaching and speaking. You can find out more about her at her website.