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June 5, 2015

The Perfect Moment doesn’t Exist.

grandma amy leo

Grandmothers are special.

Mine was one of the only people who really read through my blogs and emails when I first started writing them.

She was the first to purchase a ticket for a hometown show, back in 2013. And the first to ask about buying my album.

I don’t know if she ever really knew just how important those small gestures were…everything always done at the perfect time, delivered to me in moments when I was feeling particularly insecure and uncertain, as I dared to follow my singing dream.

Yesterday, I witnessed my grandmother pass away in her home.

It was the first time I was present when another person took their last breath.

Surprisingly, it was not fear, nor uncontrollable sadness that I felt. I was overtaken with such an intense feeling—one that can only be described as an outpouring of love, but even those words do not do it justice. So there I stood, arm around my younger cousin. Each family member hand in hand around Gram’s bedside.

Death is not a trendy subject, but it is a part of life.

And it is a subject that always humbles me. One that instantly puts into clear focus, my heart and soul’s true priorities.

I am so glad I took the time to write her mushy cards for Christmas or Mother’s Day, telling her how amazing I thought she was. Because no words have I left unsaid.

My last full day with her was one of laughter, gossip, fried clams and introducing her to peanut butter oatmeal (which she loved!). I am so glad, I traveled one and half hours to see her that day, despite feeling exhausted and even though she gave me an out by saying: “I am doing ok today, you don’t have to come up.”

She brought so much light, beauty, and humor into our family and into the world and will be missed in form, but never truly gone.

Now, all that’s left to do is write her the song she wanted me to write about her and a baby named Lilly.

Please. Don’t wait for the perfect moment to do something, to make a change, to say something vulnerable to someone you love, to be brave…to spend time on this earth the way you truly want to spend it.

Don’t wait until you get a better job, or when work settles down, or when the kids grow up, or when you retire, to spend time with the ones you love and to do more of what you love.

The perfect moment doesn’t exist outside of this moment.

 

Relephant Read:

What Death Teaches Us.

 

Author: Amy Leo

Editor: Emily Bartran 

Photo: Author’s Own

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