It is there. Every one of us has it. Some have it more than others. And having it is like squeezing sand—the tighter the grip the quicker it slips. But, it is there.
Words are just symbols that describe a feeling and in that feeling there is a meaning. For some, it is a calling. For others, it is an obsession. For most, it is everything in between. But mostly, we all want it.
We want our life. We want the life we were destined for. We want more of who we are on the way and yet, the elements are different. The timing has a mind of its own and there are mysterious forces playing their part and a life lived doesn’t offer much more evidence than a life imagined. The only proof is in the agreement.
Let me explain.
It has been said by many and said often that life is what happens when we’re busy making plans. My friend framed it another way. She just said, “If that is true, then life is moving through you.” In other words, you are being moved by life like the tide by the moon. If that is true then it is entirely possible that the things we call desires are but glimmers of things yet to come, like road signs marking the distance from here to there and, inevitably, the road traveled will lead to a destination.
How do we live the life we want?
There is a fine line between wanting what has been conditioned and creating the conditions to experience what we want. The older I get, the more difficult it is to tell the difference because years of habituation often muddle what was once an unshakable belief that I can do, be, and have everything I desire.
Can’t we? And if not, why? Is there a metaphysical explanation or maybe a psychological theory?
Maybe we just don’t know so we keep ourselves busy with existence. Everyone fills and spends their time differently and according to a general developmental path. Some people do the common, well-worn thing—call it the American Dream, capitalism or even evolution.
Before I go too tangential, let me bring it back to my original statement that the proof is in the agreements. When you want something and that something materializes, it feels like the great cosmic god-clause (that is god and Santa Clause) agreed with you. That agreement rests in your body as a feeling of satisfaction.
When satisfied, humans walk around saying things like, “life is good” and watch plastic bags float through the air with a sense of awe. We all start to trip out on life a little.
But, then, there is the struggle. The f*cking, goddamn, always present, always reminding us of duality, Monday morning after the hookup, stupid choices, wrong turns, relentless f*cking struggle. And this struggle has a battle cry, “Should!” Everything that is now a practical “should” was once an imaginal “if.”
There are two forces: push and pull. We need both to build strength.
There are two states of mind: remembering and forgetting. We need both to exist.
There are two ways of being: now and then. We need both to be here now.
In simple terms, I am 35 and I risked my life and gave it over to the unknown. I struggle between wanting a house, home, security, a loving husband, a child and safety versus that, which exists as a dominate reality—I am alone living on a wing and a prayer.
So how does one live a life lined up?
I forgot that I wanted a family and started to believe that I should already have one. But, I haven’t gotten there yet because my focus was on another part of my life—survival. I’m mastering tactics that only serve me for 12 to 24 hours at a time and I keep forgetting that I am powerful because someone told me, once upon a time, that it was arrogant and therefore bad to be so.
It is humbling to have the capacity to imagine all you ever wanted, to conjure the feelings and then have the alchemy of all of that be squeezed through the tiny portal that is physical reality. It is almost embarrassing getting so far ahead of myself that I leave me behind. And then I spin my wheels convincing others to convince me that I am worthy of being here in the first place.
A life lined up happens when the person living it just let’s go. They surrender to boundless possibilities and in doing so become the current. The days that hold our hopes and our dreams are like the shores that hold the stream—waters rush ever faster with the pull of gravity and the momentum of volume.
There is a sequence: first comes mystery, then thought, then feeling, then action, then materialization, then knowledge, then imagination, then mystery and finally the void of pure potential. All of this gets actualized through focus.
If you want something, focus on it and it will get you there; lined up.
Author: Rebekah McClaskey
Editor: Katarina Tavčar
Photo: Artondra Hall/Flickr