There is a moment in a relationship that is amazing and horrifying.
That moment when we know the other person is going to stick around no matter what.
No matter how bad the fights are. No matter how much weight we gain.
No matter how hurtful our words become in the heat of an argument. No matter how stinky our farts get. In that moment, we know that through our best and our worst they will be there.
And that’s the best feeling in the world.
How do we find this unconditional love, you ask?
By putting ourselves out there.
If we don’t risk our heart being smashed into smithereens, we will never feel that soaring feeling.
It’s one of the hardest things to do in life, be vulnerable.
Sure, we could recover from a devastating heart shattering situation. Even so, it takes so much to allow our heart to open up again and be put out there for the potential destruction of it.
But, the reward when someone reciprocates that vulnerability is worth every over-thinking hesitation. It’s definitely scary and worrisome, and even if we find that person to cherish our hearts for all they’re worth, we won’t always be soaring in the clouds with dreamy delight.
When that person cradles our heart, gives it relaxation massages daily while whispering encouragement, it makes us feel like we’re soaring high above the clouds. We feel that we are able to conquer any crazy goal we could ever dream of, because we know they’re there.
They are supporting us, cradling our heart and giving us special eyes.
We all have glimmers of what we feel our strengths are, the unique traits that we bring to the table. Even the most humble person has a murmuring thought that they have something special about them. But not all of us are able to prance through life exuding confidence and letting the world see our specialness.
When we’ve given our heart to someone and they’ve received it with graciousness and fierce protectiveness, they see our glimmers of specialness as blaring beams of blinding light. We can see our potential in their eyes. We are allowed to brag around them, show off in their presence and lose all humbleness. And they will respond with “hell yes!! I’ve been screaming this at you forever!”
If they need a timeout or some alone time, it’s nice to trust that they’ll always come back. It’s comforting to know that even if one or both parties need to do some soul searching, the relationship won’t be in question. The soul searching might be for self-awareness or career goals or some piece of mind, but never a question about who we’ve chosen to spend the rest of our lives with.
It’s also scary sh*t when we realize that; the rest of our lives. They have our fragile heart to do whatever they please with, forever.
It’s theirs to cherish and protect, or to toss up in the air and shoot like a clay pigeon, leaving us on our hands and knees trying to pick up the pieces and put them back into something that resembles a whole heart. Knowing you will always have a few pieces missing that will never allow your heart to be the same as before.
We will fight, and we will get ugly with words. We will feel like complete sh*t at times and not always like the other person. The roller coaster of a relationship has definite highs and lows.
The goal is to not avoid those highs and lows, but rather to accept that they will come. Recognize when they’re happening. Acknowledge that neither the highs nor the lows are permanent.
The goal is to stay sitting in the same cart on the roller coaster.
Sometimes we won’t want to be sitting side by side in the same row. Sometimes we’ll have fleeting moments where we wish the other will fall off the cart. But deep down we know we would always catch the other person and keep them on the ride. And in turn, we know they will always have our back on this roller coaster of life.
If we can learn how to ride out the highs and lows, our rollercoaster will turn from the adult-only screamer with loop-de-loops, to the kiddy rollercoaster with only gentle ups and downs. It’s important to learn that the peaks and the loop-de-loops, and even the slide down after the peaks are all part of what makes a relationship so great.
We hold on to each other’s hearts throughout each of these rollercoaster moments.
Sometimes we have to squeeze the heart, and sometimes we may fumble it.
But, it’s safe. It will never shatter or crack if we can help it.
And even if it does, we know that we’ve had those soaring moments that have helped us grow and thrive and learn how to show the world our specialness.
Author: Jaimee Guenther
Apprentice Editor: Gabriella Sweezey / Editor: Renee Picard