Warning: naughty language alert!

Just how many times have we thought we’ve met our soul mate—our long-awaited, glorious, magical, mysterious, soul mate—only to find ourselves ripping each other’s hearts to shreds years later?

Ending the soul mate contract, bloody heart in hand, head spinning, and oh so tired.

I hear a lot of talk about soul mates. People are praying, intending, weeping, seeking for their soul-mate-happily-ever-after.  I get it.

We’re pretty much fed up with relationships that go south when sh*t hits the fan one too many times.

I love to study the dynamics of relationships. The Whys. Hows. What ifs.

With so much pain surrounding relationships, I think we all owe it to ourselves and humanity to spend a little more time learning about what makes relationships work—and not just “work,” but f*cking rock!

I mean, good lord, sharing our life with our lover ought to be blissful, magical, sensual, intimate, and fun!

Me? I’ve had my share of ended relationships. Lost love. Lost dreams.

Sobbing on the couch, binge watching YouTube videos on “how to have a successful relationship.”

Um, yeah. It bites.

Relationships as lessons: The more I progress on my spiritual journey, the more I’m awakened to the fact that relationships are kick a$$ opportunities to learn valuable life lessons.  What I didn’t realize for many years was that I was not ready emotionally or spiritually to present myself as “whole” enough to allow grace to keep a relationship healthy.

I was simply half a person looking for another person to fill a void I didn’t even really know I had.

You know. That ache in the deep of our chest cavity that we try so hard to fill with…well…so many things and people.

A tremendous lesson I’ve learned, though, is that my relationships with others is my greatest path toward spiritual growth should I go in conscious and open. Relationships with others clue me in on how I’m doing with myself.

Best of all? Relationships can be a portal to divinity, or the state of being Divine. Spiritual. Our true selves.

Relationships as mirrors: Let’s just put it right out there—relationships are mirrors, reflecting your Self. Your own defects, flaws, insecurities, and wounds. On the flip side, they can reflect beauty, love, kindness, compassion, etc.

How do I know? Been there. Still there. One relationship in particular opened my eyes to just how much pain I’d stuffed for a lifetime. Unresolved trauma. Repression. Instead of setting boundaries, expressing my anger, desires, needs, and telling those who were a$$holes to hit the road, I wore a pretty little mask, stuffed, repressed, pretended, and shot a drug named “love” directly into my veins to numb insurmountable amounts of inner heartache.

That toxic relationship prompted me to begin an inner journey to address my emotional immaturity, my bleeding heart and wounds that I’d never dealt with. It also helped me see how I really felt about myself: insecure, a failure, loser, and how much I really loathed myself—so I embarked on a new journey:
Self-love.

Turns out decades ago I abandoned myself emotionally and spiritually. I took on the role of people pleaser and caretaker. I made people responsible for my feelings…until I finally got it:
I’m the only one responsible for my feelings.

Realizing this, I took back the reigns in my life and took some time to do intense inner work. Took some time to be single. Began healing those wounds. Took some time to fall in love with myself and then began setting an intention to call in a soul equal. A soul mate. A conscious mate. A soul who would be the kind of mirror that revealed the beautiful essence deep within all of us.

When we set an intent for a soul mate to enter, we must have a sizable amount of love for ourselves—that’s the way we attract another who has a sizable amount of love for him or herself. And worthiness. We must feel worthy.

Think vibration: If we’re vibrating at a high frequency, or in tune spiritually, we’re going to attract someone who is vibrating at the same (or similar) frequency as us.  So, if we’re genuinely happy, we love ourselves for real, and we’re secure, we’ll attract someone who will mirror those attributes.

On the other hand, if at our core (under any masks or unconsciously) we are insecure, angry, and we really don’t even like ourselves, we’re most likely going to attract someone who will bring those things out in you. Um. Try to avoid this.

Is it easy breezy? Yes, and no.

Yes, in the way that the relationship should unfold nicely. It should feel like home. Like melting into a pool of rapture.

Will challenges come? Yes.

If we’re going into a relationship conscious (awake spiritually), the mirror will sometimes reflect things in our own life that needs to be healed, processed, worked out.  You know, those insecurities, flaws, fears, old wounds, unresolved trauma that we have yet to really heal. Think of that mirror as a light shining bright on the darkness, or ego, that could use some assistance because hell, in the dark you can’t notice much.

Soul mates can certainly help us shred our ego!

Call forth your soul mate + a conscious relationship!

Yes, call forth a soul mate. A soul equal. Do your best to raise your vibration, stay there, and set your intent for a conscious relationship. Then, when that soul meets yours, get ready for Magic. Mystery. Movement.

Because a conscious relationship will not allow for stagnation. We’re going to have to be willing to keep it moving.

We want to grow spiritually. Embody illumination. Hell yeah, so a conscious relationship will help us further awaken if we so desire and it’s not always in the way we think. It’s not always in some blissful way. Nah. First, it requires vulnerability.

Are we willing to take the masks off?

Speak our truth?

Instead of pointing fingers when conflict or contrast arises, take the opportunity to see what in us needs healed?

Stop people pleasing for approval? 

Determine to look at our partner as a mirror that reflects our unhealed parts? 

Be responsible for our own feelings? No projecting?

Look deeply inside our own soul?

Do the work?

Look, I don’t care how long we’ve been on the “conscious” path, we’ve all got some parts of our unconscious that need healed. It’s a lifelong process.

My soul mate radar sounded the “She’s the one!” alarm within me four months ago, thus my conscious relationship journey has begun and it’s been wonderful, and at times it’s had me scared shitless. Why?

Just as the mirror reflects the parts of me that are wonderful, (and damn, her mirror certainly does) it also reflects my insecurities, flaws, fears, doubts, etc. Am I willing to face them? Do the work? Be vulnerable? Allow contrast to help me heal my parts that need to be healed? A resounding Yes! I’m fully in.

In this conscious relationship, we are both paying attention to the big picture. The deeper issues. The subconscious. Wounds that are practically begging to be processed and healed. Why?

Because conscious relationships can really be a portal for experiencing such a divine love that it will blow our effing minds—and I for one, want my mind blown.

This soul union, soul connecting, soul relating, helps us to become more conscious and awake. I mean, sure, we can get there single and alone, but single and alone doesn’t usually grant us the opportunity to heal some wounds that only a partner can mirror to us.

For example, I thought I was freaking amazing single, all shiny and polished, in complete control and had it all together. But in relationships, I think we can all vouch for the fact that opportunities arise for us to contend with the unpolished, unhealed parts of us. Ha. Seems I’m not as “healed” as I thought!

I desire the kind of relationship mirror that will challenge me to stand in the fire in order to purify myself for the greater good of all.  A soul mate that is awake enough to understand and be patient in the burning. A soul that will allow me to be me right smack where I am on my journey and instead of running when the fire erupts. Someone who gets in the fire with me, comforts me, and loves me without conditions while I do my work. And vice versa.

So we can both fulfill our greatest potential in this life and beyond.

So we can learn to embody this unconditional, divine Love and radiate it everywhere we go.

We’re worth it you know.

This kind of love.

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Relephant Read:

True Feminine Power: Let it Flow, Let it Flow. ~ Dominica Applegate

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Author: Dominica Applegate

Editor: Renee Jahnke

Image: Hartwig HKD-Flickr

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