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September 29, 2015

An Apology Letter to My Wounded Heart.

broken heart

“It takes a lot of courage and trust to look past what you’ve been through, and trust someone new not to put you through it again.” ~ Author unknown 

I read this quote right about a year ago and saved it. I read it for many months as a reminder to myself that eventually I would have to take the padlock off my heart and learn to trust again.

I haven’t been in any hurry. For so long, my heart felt as if it was broken in a million tiny pieces, never able to be pieced back together the way it was.

But I never wanted it to go back to the way it was. That heart was much too trusting and vulnerable. That heart had many “blind spots” that kept it in the dark from seeing things that were right in front of it.

That heart expected perfection from everyone who came into contact with it. It shut down completely when it got the tiniest bit bruised. The fact that it got shattered into a million little pieces is not very surprising and probably one of the most necessary things that had to happen.

Because it can’t be put back together the way it was. Instead it has to be rebuilt—into something much more durable yet open.

I’m working on manifesting a new and improved one. One that is steadfast and solid. One that loves unconditionally. One that forgives.

This new heart holds compassion for others who are struggling and making choices that hurt other people because they don’t know another way.

We have all at one time in our lives been hurt by someone. A lover, a friend, a parent, a child… Sometimes the hurt is unintentional. Other times it is purposeful. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that life gives us these experiences to help us grow, to teach us lessons about forgiveness, compassion, and vulnerability.

To help us cultivate resilience, strength and trust that all of it is for a higher purpose. Because ultimately we have to move on and have faith that our shattering hearts were necessary in order for something greater to come in.

Knowing I had to take the first step toward manifesting my new and improved heart, I decided to write an apology letter to my old one—the one I’d shut off into the padlocked box. Because, frankly, it’s time to cut our losses and get on with it already.

Dear My Precious Heart,

I’m sorry I’ve locked you into an impenetrable box the past two years. I truly thought it was for your own good. You were in a million little pieces and it just seemed too risky to have you exposed to the elements. What if you had gotten hurt again? It would have been like sending the victim of a car crash who was still bruised and battered out into the ongoing traffic again. I’m much more responsible than that!

To be honest with you, there were a few people who tried to get in and show me love. They were truly amazing, kind, compassionate and loving people who wanted to get to know you… Who saw how beautiful and perfect you were even with all of your scars and wounds.

They wanted to help repair you, wanted for just a moment to embrace you with love so you could see your true beauty and magnificence.

But I wouldn’t let them in. I was just too scared. So I sent them away. I’m sorry I did this because maybe you would be further along in your healing process right now if I had allowed them in.

I’m committing to slowly breaking down the impenetrable box I’ve built around you and allowing you to come out. To expose your vulnerability and exquisiteness. To proudly show off your magnificent light. To reveal to the world what a survivor you are.

Yes, dear heart, it’s time for you to come out of hiding. Because you’re smarter now. Tough yet soft. Open yet guarded. Hopeful yet grounded. You may have your scars but let’s have faith that the universe will take care of the both of us and lead us to our next destination.

I’m excited for our next adventure!

With love and gratitude,

Me

I invite all of you to let down your own walls—the ones you may have built around your heart to avoid pain. That is an impossible dream. The heart gets wounded to uncover healings that need to occur, to breathe in light so they can be healed for good.

So move forward with courage and abandon. Trust that the next time will be different. The mystery of what the universe has in store for you next awaits you.

~

Author: Dina Strada

Editor: Caroline Beaton

Image: Flickr/Alani Cruz

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