“If we can free our love of an object, our broken sweet heart can be a force for compassion and peace instead of clinging and klesha.” ~ Pema Chodron
I have only had one serious boyfriend, and the break up with him ripped my heart right out of my chest.
Up until that point, I had never experienced that magnitude of emotional pain. In a way, it’s silly and completely crazy that simply parting company with someone you love could hurt that much. It was emotional pain that would transition at times into physical pain.
I swear, at times, my heart physically ached.
In the year and a half since this break up, I have transplanted my heart back into my chest, almost completely patchwork-quilted back together. Sewn up and completely repaired—yet different. My heart will never be the same. But it is whole—capable of giving and receiving love freely.
I am also much more conscious of my heart now.
Every day, I continue working on my patchwork heart. Every now and again, I find a hole, and when I do, I tenderly take the time to sew it up with love, compassion and strong nurturing of myself. I am even conscious now of the thread I use to repair my heart. I make sure the thread is filled with self-love, compassion, joy and beauty.
I am now making my heart more beautiful than it ever was before. (And perhaps you would agree if you have ever seen the beauty of a patchwork quilt, sewed with love)
I am also learning that my heart doesn’t only tear when I part company with someone I loved in a romantic capacity—
My heart rips when I see sadness and pain in others.
My heart rips when I see injustice in the world.
My heart rips when a loved one passes to the next life.
My heart rips with rejection.
My heart rips when unkind words are spoken to me.
My heart rips when I am physically hurt.
My heart rips when I am criticized.
My heart rips when I feel unsupported.
My heart rips when I am treated unfairly.
Perhaps the saddest and most empowering part is these rips do not come only from external places. These rips come from internal places, because I am the master and creator of all that I am and experience in this world.
There is a beauty and challenge in this. The beauty is anything is possible, and we can change everything in our life we don’t like or love. The challenge is we can no longer blame others or outside forces.
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who’ll decide where to go.” ~ Dr. Seuss
Author: Emily Anton
Editor: Yoli Ramazzina
Photo: Flickr/QThomas Bower