I find it interesting when someone unfriends me on Facebook.
Being a laid back and casual type of person, I intently shy away from conflict in real life and that definitely rolls into my online habits. I’m no keyboard warrior. So if I haven’t been an a** to someone and provoked a mini meltdown, it intrigues me when I am “unfriended.”
I begin to wonder what their reasons were. Do they see me as flaky because I follow my heart and think it’s okay to say no to something I don’t want to do? Do I seem too desperate, working toward that hefty dream of mine? Does my forthright online presence not make sense when in person I am quiet and unassuming? Do I seem too positive? Too annoying? Too woo-woo?
Once I’ve decided what their reasons were, I could do many things with this assumed knowledge. I could be self righteous and say, “Oh honey, you only needed to put on some shades if I was shining too bright for you!” I could wallow in self pity, analysing every interaction we’ve had over the course of our “friendship.” I could be concerned about seeing them in real life: “Well, this is going to be awkward.” I could even go on a rampage, declaring to the rest of my friends how bizarre this other person is for not liking me. Me? I’m likable, I’m friendly, I won’t put you down or start a fight. How dare they do something so final as “unfriending” me!
When it comes down to it though, it doesn’t matter what their reasons were and I don’t need to react at all. I’m accepting it and moving on.
One of my main life goals is to have soul connections, to be surrounded by kindred spirits who lift me up and give me permission to shine. So to reach this goal, I’ve started to be more authentic and declare my truth as much as I can. Specifically online.
I’m sharing things I’m passionate about, voicing my opinions, creating things from the deepest parts of my heart, and being honest in my highs and lows. From doing this, an amazing thing happened—like-hearted people circle me and then they settle. (Being like-hearted is sort of being like-minded but you connect on a heart level more than with your head.) By doing this, I’m making truth of the saying “your vibe attracts your tribe.”
Friends, by declaring and being who you truly are, you become magnetic. The universe now wants to bring to you what you put out. The other side of this, which is understandably less talked about, is that your “vibe” also repels those who don’t resonate. So, now that you are a magnet, you attract and repel. People will either rejoice at your insights or scoff at what they don’t understand.
And that’s okay! It’s perfectly okay, exciting even. Who wants people in your life who don’t understand you, whose paths are vastly different than yours?
They prefer to swim, you prefer to sail. They like metal, and green, and winter; while you babble on about gold, and feathers, and spring. They prefer to sit behind a window, you prefer to feel the rain on your face. They don’t want to pick up what you’re putting down.
Let’s be honest for a second: when someone walks out of your life (online or not) do you feel a slight shifting? Relief? If so, then it was your magnetism doing its thang. If you keep it up, soon you’ll only be surrounded by people who light you up, who you in turn light up. You’ll have found your tribe. All you have to do is be yourself, it’s that simple.
The best part about it all? You don’t have to send anyone away who doesn’t fit, your light will do it for you. People who can’t connect with the colour you’re shining will see themselves out the door. Celebrate it with me.
Do you see what I’m saying? It’s not personal. It looks personal, and when they opt out of your life (with either no explanation or a dramatic fanfare), it even feels personal. But all it ever is about, is them. You make them feel things they are either uncomfortable with, or they aren’t ready to feel yet. Your truth isn’t their truth at this stage.
Keep it up—attract the lovers, the dreamers, the do-ers, the seekers, and repel the haters, the ragers, the bullies, the stuck.
So the next time someone “unfriends” you for what seems like no reason, rest in the knowledge that you are doing it right. You are expanding out an aura that holds friendship and freedom close, and pushes what doesn’t serve you away.
Author: Danielle Burrows
Editor: Catherine Monkman