Women: When Your Man Loses his Erection, Never do This.

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A man is seated on the bed in a bedroom.  He has his head in his hands and is looking away from the camera.  Horizontally framed shot.

Women often wonder WTF is going on with their guy when he loses his erection and what to do about it.

Understandable, because it can cause a lot of pain for both parties. I lost my erection plenty of times. But, like a typical guy, I pretended like it wasn’t a problem, like I wasn’t affected by it. I spoke about it to no one. It didn’t become a real issue until I was with one woman for a long period of time. The women I dated never said anything. (Curious, right?) That is, until a smart woman came along. A woman is in a tricky place with this issue, because she knows he feels shame about it and doesn’t want to rub salt in that wound, yet she also wants to get her needs met. Hmmm. What to do? First, you need to know WTF is actually going on. After years of busting my balls working on this issue, I figured out the root cause of erectile dysfunction. What is it?

The root cause of a man losing his erection is this:

When we men try to “read” a woman’s sexual needs (in a neurotic way). Then we subordinate to a fantasy of what we thinks our woman wants, we will pop into our upper head and leave our heart connection with our woman and try to “perform” love-making, instead of being ourselves.

In other words, we try to be someone we’re not. Knowing this is super helpful for a woman. Why? Because a lot of women take it personally and then care-take their man, then resent him. So, here are two things not to do when a man loses his erection:

1. Take it personally.

2. Hold back who you are.

Let’s unpack these briefly… Taking it personally It’s not personal. And, it’s not about you. It’s his journey and it’s about his connection to himself and his own authority. So, instead of taking it personally, a woman must ask this: “Do I now have to hold back who I am?” If so, why? Investigate that. Holding Back Women will hold back for a variety of reasons and it’s important for women to know what drives this behavior in them. So, here’s a few simple pointers when he loses his erection:

  1. Don’t hold back strong feelings, emotions, or expression.
  2. Do speak truth and let him know the impact.
  3. Remain true to your desire and speak it without apology
  4. Don’t take care of him or mother him, just love him where he’s at.

If a woman does hold back, no problem, resentment will help her eventually speak up. If he’s open to feedback send him this article so he can get educated because most men have no clue as to why they are losing their wood. Finally, see this whole mess as an opportunity for the relationship to go deeper. Could this be a deal breaker? Yes. Could this deepen the relationship if you both work it like a Smart Couple? Hell yes. So, the choice is yours. ~


Bonus: Enlighten your Sex Life.

Relephant Read:

Let’s Get Intimate: Beginner’s Mind for Erectile Dysfunction. {Adult Q&A}


Author: Jayson Gaddis

Editor: Travis May

Photo: Flickr/Mic445 ~

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About Jayson Gaddis

Jayson Gaddis, founder of The Relationship School® , and host of The Smart Couple Podcast , is on a mission to teach people the one class they didn’t get in school--”How to do intimate relationships.” He was emotionally constipated for years before relationship failure forced him to master relationships. In 2007 he stopped running away from intimacy, asked his wife to marry him and now they have two beautiful kids. When he doesn’t live and breathe this stuff with his family, he pretty much gets his ass handed to him. You can find him here: Jayson Gaddis or sign up for a free training here if you are dealing with an emotionally unavailable man like Jayson used to be. You can also become a fan on Facebook here: Jayson Gaddis Fan Page.


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