October 14, 2015

I’m Not Looking for “Forever,” I’m Looking for Right Now.

couple, sunset, romance,


*Dear elephant reader: if you’re single & looking for mindful dating or conscious love, try out our lovely partner, MeetMindful.


Despite what some people believe, all of us are not looking for our “forever mate” right this very moment.

Some of us are in flux—wanting to test the waters of a relationship without fully committing to being tied down.

Some of us just want to “play,” explore and enjoy the feeling of spending time with someone we have fun with, without the promise of commitment.

In a culture that teaches us that every relationship we choose to be in must “go somewhere” or ultimately lead to a walk down the aisle, it’s a mystery why any of us ever partner with someone just to have fun or to simply fall in love for the experience of it.

The truth is, 95 percent of the relationships we choose to be in don’t lead to forever. They are meant for something far more important.

So, the next time you’re thinking about walking away from someone who intrigues you, but who you can’t necessarily see yourself with long-term, you may want to consider the following:

Every Relationship Teaches you Something.

And that something is usually about yourself. What’s truly important to you? What do you really need in a partner? How do you handle conflict with a significant other, and is there room for growth there? Where do you get triggered in relationships and what changes still need to take place inside of you?

The reality is, just about every relationship we’ll ever have will eventually end. But different people have different things to teach us.

So be open to people who are different, or you may miss out on some major growth opportunities.

Growth is Sometimes More Important Than Longevity.

Learning how to love another person unconditionally and how to open yourself up to being vulnerable is no small feat. Many truly profound relationships start with two people who are initially closed off and not willing to give much of themselves, because they don’t want to invest too much in the other person or get hurt.

But ultimately, they end up doing just that—and this is something to celebrate!

This is a successful relationship even if you don’t end up together, because you both took a chance, grew as people and taught each other to open your hearts to love, which will enable you down the line to more fully give and receive when you do find “the right one.”

It’s Tough Finding Someone You Love Spending Time With, So Enjoy It!

When you feel a connection or attraction to someone, it’s not always the best thing to just walk away, even if that someone’s long-term goals don’t align with yours. It’s not every day that we find someone we have both sexual chemistry and a good time with.

If you are both open and honest with each other about your intentions, why not explore a “no-strings-attached” relationship?

Many amazing relationships start this way, and end up being our most passionate and transformative ones—even if they don’t last long. Even fleeting love is worthwhile. And fleeting lust can be pretty great too!

When There’s No Pressure, It’s Typically More Carefree and Fun.

When we go into any relationship hoping and wanting it to be long term, we take things a lot more seriously. We feel the need to click with their friends, get along with their family and accept every aspect of their life as if it’s our own.

This isn’t as much of an issue when you’re in a “for now” relationship. The only goal you have is to simply enjoy being together, and that makes the relationship less heavy and intense, and much more fun. You can focus on enjoying each other without the incessant worrying over all those little things that aren’t the “perfect fit” with your own life.

If it gets to the point where you fall madly in love and want to consider taking it to the next level, you’ll figure all the other stuff out. When two people truly want to be together, they somehow find ways to compromise on things they never imagined they would be willing.

When we really get that most relationships are not meant to last forever, we can have a deeper appreciation for the time and experiences we share with certain people while they are in our lives.

The reality is, many marriages don’t last forever, even though we go into them believing they will. And some relationships that never result in marriage often started off as a “for right now” situation but are still going strong 30 years later.

So you might want to consider diving into a “for now” relationship with someone you’re attracted to or have a great connection with.

Relish the time you do have together.

The memories you make with that person will never be forgotten and will, in some small measure, play a part in shaping you into the person you become.

And who knows? What they teach you may be the thing that ultimately results in your finding the person you do end up with “forever.”


Relephant Read:

The Truth about Marriage that Nobody Tells Us.


Author: Dina Strada

Editor: Toby Israel

Photo: Pixabay


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